Thursday, January 21, 2016
I hear a drumming in my ears that makes me feel the energy around me. My body is alive. My nose smells an acute smell of unidentifiable origins. My body feels as if it is smeared with Ben-Gay, because all I feel is tingly.
I have been on a search for something. What it is, I don't know. I walk, sometimes I run, but most of the time, I lay still. I go through my day and night without any thought, but when I am asleep I travel to worlds unimaginable to my naked eye. I know things that aren't possible in the world I live in. I am propelled through mazes and riddles with a keen sense of awareness. I long for the one answer that alludes me in both worlds. Peace.
My knowledge is useful. My manners are polite. My body is breaking down slowly and I repair it with a sort of metaphorical duct tape. I am surrounded by family and friends and it isn't enough. Something is missing, a sense of peace is hiding away somewhere I do not know. I long for it.
As I grow older, I become more anxious for the answer. My thoughts are more cryptic and soulless. I have lost my light. It is has if I am a dim switch on a dining room wall, that gradually gets lowered, and I wonder when the day will come that I am turned off. I long for the days when things were hopeful and exciting. My dreams get me back to that place. Those are the times I feel I am closest to finding the answer I seek. We are so close, as children, to the truth of life that we have to lose it to remember it. By the time, we do, 80 years have passed. There is a poetry to that. A simple beautiful poetry. Or a infuriating, awful lie. I choose to believe the simple, beautiful truth, for the sake of my soul.
Take care and be safe.
All my love,