Friday, January 4, 2013

Paying It Forward

Hi Everyone,

Yesterday, I saw a fantastic status on my Facebook from a friend that said the first 5 people to comment on her status would get a surprise gift from her in the year 2013.  I didn't make it in time, but I liked the idea so much, that I copied it.  As some of you know I work in customer service for a psychic company.  I initially took the job for the health benefits and then I was going to move on, but that is easier said than done.  Unfortunately, life hasn't gone as smoothly as I pictured in my head.  So, with the continuation of a job I don't care for, I am again repeating a lesson that I guess I haven't learned over the years.  When I feel like I am trapped, I turn off.  I become angry and unhappy and just plain miserable.  I told myself when I became aware of my thoughts going back to anger and unhappiness, I was going to do everything in my power to do the opposite.

I will say, that I am doing better than I did in past jobs, but my negative thoughts are getting in the way of me giving a crap about others and myself.  I have stopped eating.  I have stopped keeping my room the way I like it.  I have stopped writing.  I have stopped creating every day.  So to nip this self destruction in the bud, I am sitting down and making myself write.  I am making myself organize.  I am making myself do something for others.  It feels phenomenal!!!!

I am still curt and frank with the customers at work.  I realize others don't like the gruffness of honesty which I appreciate.  I love when people get to the point and ask what they want.  I love when people take responsibility for their part in their life.  That is what I am trying to do.  Take responsibility, do things that are positive, and be honest with myself.  It is not an easy road, but it is moving forward.  The  best way to move forward is to pay it forward and I haven't been this excited to do something for others, since getting in the Peace Corps.

As I get older, I realize, it really is about the small things.  It is about reaching out and knowing you have a connection with someone.  Yesterday, at work I tried to connect with the customers.  It worked for some and others it failed miserably, but today is a new day.  If I am going to learn this lesson of finding the silver lining within any circumstance I have to be aware that every day is a new opportunity.    A new opportunity to be the person I always imagined.  A new opportunity to give myself a chance.  A new opportunity to learn.  A new opportunity to be a better person than I was yesterday.  By paying it forward I am giving myself the opportunity to have a connection, which is what all of us want in the end, to know we are being heard.

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