Saturday, September 1, 2012

Where Have I Been?

Hi Everyone,

I recently thought that I haven't posted a blog in a very long time and I was surprised to see it has been almost 6 months since I last posted.  It is always strange how time passes by without any notice sometimes.  I have continually written throughout the past 6 months I just haven't posted anything.

I began keeping a blog due to I wanted to see how I dealt with my life.  I have always kept a journal or a diary, and have notebooks upon notebooks of stories, poems and musings, but they just get put in my closet or on a bookshelf after I fill the pages and I very rarely go back to peruse what I wrote.  The blog gave me an excuse to take responsibility for my comings and goings, my bouts of complaining and be aware of the blessings I have in my life.  What I didn't take into consideration is the reaction I would get from family and friends who have read my entries.

When I write these entries I don't think of who is reading it, I am just writing my thoughts at the moment.  Next week, I might not agree with what I write today, in hindsight.  It is a strange bird, putting yourself out there, opening yourself to public opinion.  A few months back I wrote an article for HBOWatch.com, Eric Northman, The Most Honorable Character on HBO.  I knew that my article would get people talking.  What I was not fully aware of, was the venomous way people like to put you down, just because they are able.  I am always open to a discussion, a passionate display to convey your opinion, a way to agree to disagree amicably.  Instead, I got my first "hater" as they say on the web.  A person who lets you know essentially that you suck and that is the end of the discussion.

I think when I first read the comment I sat dumbstruck at the 'huh?' factor that kept repeating itself in my head.  'What was the point of the post?  That's all you have to say?'  In person would this have happened or would they have kept their opinion to themselves?  Another commenter had the same reaction and left an opening for the hater to defend their post, but they didn't.  Which begs the question, When did the internet become an avenue for cowardly, bullying people to have their way? Of course, I understand the internet is massive and moderators on websites can't police every comment that is made, every spam message that is posted, or every hater to not read their site.  Why is it so important for us as a culture to make our own unhappiness someone else's?  Is it human nature?  Is it cultural?  Is it learned?

Ten years ago, I didn't have a cell phone, I had a landline.  I didn't sit in front of my computer for hours on end watching Youtube clips or catching up on my Hulu queue.  I was out with friends and living my life.  Instead, now I have a smart phone that I am afraid I am attached to and get anxiety when no one messages me or calls.  I sometimes sit in my house for hours, catching up on the BBC's Who Do You Think You Are episodes I missed without seeing any sunshine and wonder where the day went.  And then there are days when I think I haven't posted a blog in about three months, but in reality it was 6 months ago.  Where does the time go?  What am I doing with my life?  Am I living or just letting it all pass me by?  I am getting anxious, just contemplating the truth of the matter, because I would love to say that I am living my life to the fullest, but in reality, I am going day by day letting it pass me by.  That is a hard pill to swallow.