It has been awhile. I have been having these recurring thoughts of how I should be writing for the blog. How I should be inspired to write. How I should be composing sentences that are funny and entertaining. How if I keep writing and publishing, then maybe the universe will provide me with a wonderful opportunity to write and support myself. These as you know are normal, somewhat aggravating thoughts, if you keep putting off the pinches of calling. For anyone that enjoys doing something, after a while of not doing it, your body and mind automatically begin to crave doing it and keep reminding you of this subtly and then if you ignore it, not so subtly. So, moral of the story is to indulge in the pangs of calling right away.
Cliff Notes about my life in the past month. Pilot season began. Got new head shots. Began interning with a casting office (invaluable experience, high note of my week this week), finished up three workshops (two I loved, one I wanted to quit acting over and that is all I am going to say about that), got offered a customer service position with a reputable psychic hot line (no I am not a psychic, I would only assist customers wanting to talk to their psychic), I am writing for the website HBOWatch.com (mostly True Blood articles) and I began volunteering with the No One Dies Alone Program ( I visit people who are terminally ill in hospice care and request to die peacefully). I have learned a lot about myself in the past month from these experiences and it all came into my life within one week!
What I have learned...is that I have to keep moving. I have to keep moving my feet, explore, live my life, get out of the house, have new experiences, have fun. I forgot that for a bit. I forgot about me. I began looking at my life by the past and it makes life seem as if it is a competition. My college buddies would say in unison, "It's not a competition!!!!" I began reconnecting with friends, through my favorite new technology, Skype. The first time I used Skype with my sister we talked for two hours! It's addicting! It is like I am having lunch with my sister at the local diner and we are just chatting away! I love it!
I have been smiling about the outcome of my life in the past month, because for the month before that, I was waiting around for things to happen and as soon as I began moving and taking walks or renting a bike, or visiting the coffee shop, or hiking in one of the canyons, life changed...just like that. During my training for the hospice program, we were told that most patients die when no one is around. There would be a wife that leaves the room for just a moment to go to the bathroom and her husband passes within those five minutes, or the child that passes when the parents leave to get a cup of coffee because they are trying to stay awake. That really resonated with me. When one must do something because it is a normal part of life, like go to the bathroom, or get a cup of coffee, it is then that one's life changes, with that step forward. For me to close the door on my time in the restaurant business, I can fill out tons of applications and apply for thousands of jobs, but if I am not doing what I need to do to live, nothing will change.
I had a wonderful workshop with a casting director last weekend and after the class I stayed back to ask him a question. One of my classmates was ahead of me and she was grilling him on what she needed to do to get to where she wanted to be in the business and the casting director said this "Stop. Stop. Breathe. Know this. If you want to survive in this business you have to persevere, first. Second, you have to let it go. Let all your expectations, all your wants, all your shoulda, coulda, wouldas go. Let it be. It sounds hoity toity, but you have to let it go. Do what you have to do to enjoy your life and be grateful for what you have. That is my only advice for this business. You are setting yourself up for disappointment if you put limitations and labels on your dream and believe that if you reach a certain point it means you are successful, because you won't feel successful when you hit it. You will feel resentful because you focused all your energy on that and didn't live your life" Wow! That is exactly how I feel. I have put my life on hold for this dream and I get down on myself because I don't feel as if I have anything to show for it, but I am trying. I am moving. One step at a time.
Until next time.
All my love,