So tonight was the culmination of all the stress I have been putting on myself for the past week to impress agents at some of the biggest agencies in the business. It is amazing to me how much more confident in my ability and my work I am now, then when I graduated the acting conservatory. This showcase was a spitting image of the showcase we had when I graduated, but this time around, I feel good about all I did. I seriously worked my butt off rehearsing in the bathroom, my bedroom, in the car, the shower, on my Mac, while working out, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past two weeks. Also, the group commercial we rehearsed for hours yesterday and had the ability to film it so that we knew how it came across to the agents tonight. I did everything I could possibly do to be okay with any outcome that comes around from it.
When I graduated SFT, I was unsure about my monologue, I didn't have the balls to say anything and I lost interest in it by the first month of working on the piece before graduation. By the time I had to perform the piece, there was nothing, I didn't feel anything, I had worked it to death and didn't want to do it anymore. Plus, I also didn't think I was worthy of an agent or a manager at the point in my acting "career". I was still very insecure in my craft and longed for more class experience. In hindsight, I am glad I had NYC to do that. I had the best acting teacher, who nurtured me and criticized me in a way that made me grow as an artist. That is how I see my acting career as an artistic journey. Most of the time I am not practical. I am not realistic. I am dramatic. I am poor. I am a dreamer.
This is why L.A. is a great place for me to be. L.A. has no time for dreamers or dramatics. L.A. is the place for the artist to shine. To become the artist I have ever imagined. There is no room for procrastination or wishy washy decisions. It is seriously a business here, there is no time to cultivate artistic integrity here. You either have it or you don't. Because of my immersion into this culture I have noticed a stronger sense of getting things done! I am going to be on a television show. That is my only reason for being in Los Angeles. That is my ultimate goal as an actor. To be a series regular on a successful sci-fi (preferably Joss Whedon or Chris Carter) show. I have to become SAG. I have to write my own scripts and film them. I have to get an agent. I have to believe that all this hard work and poorness is worth it in the long run and I firmly believe that it is! Because I am prepared. I am willing. I am and will work my ass off. I am going to do my job and make my dreams come true.
Until tomorrow. Take care.
All my love,