As I live day after day as an actor/human, I learn over and over again that I must make things happen for myself. For the past 10 months of my living in California, I am learning that this town is all about selling yourself. It has been difficult finding the avenues that are good for me. I have learned that I am more behind in the game than I originally thought. That is okay. I am glad that I am only two years in the game and realize that instead of 10 years.
I have a lot of work that I must do to get close to attaining my dream of being a regular cast member on a television show. I can take all the classes I want, but I also have to network, and produce my own stuff if I want to make my dream happen faster. I never gave much thought to IMDb and how much it is a staple in every entertainment office in the world. I don't have any credits on IMDb. That is one thing I must work on.
Another thing is getting my reel in order. Which would give casting directors and agents an idea of my work and to see what I look like on camera. Which then would hopefully lead to more auditions, and then SAG eligibility. I have the classes part down, I am getting better at networking. In the past three months I have met so many wonderful people it isn't funny, but now I need to take those classes and the networking and make it work for me so that I can get the reel, IMDb credits and SAG eligibility to move to the next level.
I realize that it is all about control and right now I don't feel like I have control of anything. I feel like I am doing everything that teachers, peers, and books say that you need to do, but then I do them and nothing comes of it. That isn't enough for me. I need to feel as if I am doing everything in my power to move forward. So I have begun to write. Write scenes for my reel. Scenes of characters I want to play. I have begun to think of actors I've met and want to work with and collaborate with, here in L.A. to make my scenes come alive on camera. I have begun working on envisioning myself as characters in plays and shows and began working on the material from them as if I have the part.
It has made me nervous, anxious because now that I am doing things to make my dream come true I am afraid that nothing will come of it. Fear is the only thing that keeps us limited. It curves our potential to so-so instead of phenomenal and strong. I believe that my anger outburst I had yesterday is stemmed in that fear, however that fear fuels me. It makes me know just how important this dream is to me. It is so important that the thought of it never coming true makes me nauseous! I would rather fail miserably than not have done anything at all. This is it. This is my truth. This is my reason of being! So, fear don't fail me now!
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,