So today was the big day for the Brad Garrett showcase. Unfortunately, my worse nightmare came true. Two of the casting directors thought I was trying to be too much like Meg Ryan. Can you say arrow through the heart? Ouch. I take full responsibility for it, of course, I knew instinctually that my performance was off the mark. Instead of going with my instinct and taking Brad's notes, I used the notes as my end all be all. Right now, I am so angry at myself because I feel as if I let Brandon down, because the casting directors loved what he did.
I talked to Brad afterward and he said, "Tara, you lost your vulnerability. You lost you. I didn't see you playing up there." I took his notes to the extreme. Brad also then said, "Tara, the one thing I will tell you coming from experience, don't beat yourself up! Keep going! You have a quality about you that makes me feel for you and root for you and you can't take what was said today and beat yourself up with it."
Ah, Brad, that is what I was put on this earth to do. I'm a Virgo. It has to be perfect. But he knew how worried I was about being compared to Meg Ryan, because we talked about it earlier this week. The good thing about all of this is that I know how much I want to be an actor and I know what I did wrong. Poor Brandon feels bad, because he never felt as if I was playing Meg Ryan, because he always felt that I was giving him things to work with, and play off of. So I am taking this moment to let it go. No more beating myself up, no more tears, no more what ifs. I am going to go to bed and wake up tomorrow morning and read the script for A Christmas Carol and turn my frown upside down.
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,