Friday, September 24, 2010

A New Day

Hi Everyone,

Tonight we didn't have a show for Candida and it made me sad.  No one made reservations to see the show tonight, so they called the show.  All of us were there, so we ended up taking a negative and making a positive out of it.  We all went out and had a drink.  The great thing about this project is that the cast and crew is fantastic.  I really can't say enough about everyone.  I have only been around for the latter part of the production, but everyone has included me as if I was there from day one and I am so appreciative.

At the restaurant, we had a great lunch and I was running around for 5 hours like a chicken with my head cut off, but it felt good.  Tomorrow we are going to be just as busy I hope due to it is the first day of Oktoberfest and also the town is having a street fair on the street behind us.  I am not looking forward to the sexy german outfit I have to wear for Oktoberfest, but if I want a job, I have to do it.  The skirt is a tad too short for my taste and I really am glad I didn't get to see myself in the mirror.   Everyone said I looked cute, but I felt very uncomfortable for the few moments I had it on, to figure out what size to get.

After I wrote the blog last night, I went  to bed and slept like a log.  When I woke up today, I felt better, in the sense that my depression has abated a few degrees.  I am not so much in the black, just the gray area.  I had moments of anger that I felt toward customers today, which is always a sign I look for in my "cycles".  If I start to get angry over the littlest things, something is wrong.  If I start to get stressed over things that are not my responsibility, for instance, the way the restaurant is run, it is a warning sign.  If I start to hide eating chocolate, that is a warning sign.  If I start to feel I need to go shopping for "little things" I don't really need, that's a warning sign.  If I start to close my bedroom door so I don't have to talk to anyone, that is a huge warning sign.  Over the last week I have done all of those things and pushed it aside hoping that the darkness would not take over, but yesterday it did.  By writing about it I feel so much better.  I feel as if I made a crack in the wall.  That my depression doesn't hold as much weight as it once did and I feel lighter for it.  I am very appreciative that I didn't let yesterday effect today, like I would have in the past.  It is a new day and I have a lot to be grateful for!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

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