Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Beach Part-ay!

Hi Everyone,

Today I had another great day with Jen.  I got out of work and we were home at the same time, so we went to the beach to rent a bike, Part 2.  It didn't happen.  This time we decided to rent a bike from Marina del Rey and they close even earlier than Santa Monica, so nix-ay on the rental-ay.  Rent A Bike part 3 probably tomorrow.  LOL!  So instead Jen took me out to dinner for my birthday since she is flying to NYC the day before my birthday.  And we hung out at the beach which was hysterical.

First, it was cold!  The breeze off the ocean was cold and I wasn't going into the water when the high tide was beginning.  So we sat on our towels and dipped our feet in.  Within 30 seconds we couldn't feel our feet.  As we laid on our towels, Jen noticed a seagull next to me and saw that it had some red on its beak, and she said, "Look it has a pimple!"  which of course got me laughing out loud and then I said, " It might be a birth mark." which got Jen laughing and she replied, "Nope, I think it's a freckle."  So then we are cracking up.  This is what Jen and I find hysterically funny!  Thank the Lord, we find each other funny because sometimes I think I am a weird cat and I don't know where I get some thoughts in my head.

So while we were out, Jen was talking to people asking questions of the rental bike company and when we went to Panera for dinner she ordered and each time, she had to repeat herself because she talks so low.  I told her that when she goes to NYC she has be sure to talk loud and don't be offended if people are yelling at her, because that is just the way they talk.  I gave Jen my mom as an example, and Jen said, "Yeah, I noticed that your mom says things and she always ends her sentences louder than she began them."  I said, "Exactly!"  So she began to practice her speaking louder in NYC.  I am proud of her!

I start tech rehearsals for Candida on Thursday and I am excited!  September is going to be crazy busy which is getting me very excited!  I now feel as if I have some semblance of a life!  Yeah, for me!

I want to give a shout out to my parents, it is their 35th wedding anniversary today!  What?!  That is right!  Congrats Momma and Poppa!  Hope you had a wonderful day today, cracking each other up like you usually do!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, August 30, 2010

Hiking Through...

Hi Everyone,

I didn't have any tables at work today by 12:30pm so Al let me go.  There were already two other servers on, so Jen and I decided to go to Griffith Park for a hike.  It was the first time I made the trip to the park since it is on the other side of Hollywood.  We parked the car at the observatory (the famous one in A Rebel Without A Cause) and hiked the Mt. Hollywood trail.

Jen and I tried to take a picture at the Hollywood sign, but my phone is stupid and doesn't zoom in, even though when we were standing there it seemed so close, but in my viewer it looks like it is miles away.  We walked uphill for about  30 minutes and then started back toward the observatory.  We took a break in the shade so that I could call the artistic director of the Knightsbridge on a call.  I will get to that in a moment.  Jen then said, exactly what I was thinking, "I could go for a Hamburger."  I said, "How about a Golden Mean Vegan Machine hamburger?"  We then drove to Santa Monica to my favorite vegan restaurant where I always order their Veggie Burger with the works.  I realize that the veggie burger is made of falafel, corn, peas, carrots, to make the patty and then they add, pickle, lettuce, tomato, avacado, tempah bacon and vegan cheese to it and it is an explosion of flavor in your mouth.  Then Jen and I proceeded to devour a slice of almond strawberry cake and a vanilla raspberry vegan cupcake.  I am on a mission to get the recipes for these meals pronto!

Last week sometime I had contacted the Knightsbridge Theatre to volunteer to do concession or tickets for the run of Candida.  Since I wasn't cast in it, I wanted to be a part of it in some way and as a member of the company I do have to volunteer twice a season for help in the house.  I got a call today from Allana the house director who asked if I could be in charge of Lighting Tech.  I have never worked the lighting board, but she said it is a very easy show with minimal cues and that they would teach me everything before the show.  The show opens Sept. 10th.  So Joseph the artistic director, called me to verify that I could do it.  All I have to do is be there an hour before the shows on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  I could do that.  I am excited about it actually.  I am going to be able to meet more people of the company and maybe start some friendships.  Either way, it is going to be a learning experience for a wonderful show.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Emmy Love

Hi Everyone,

What a great Emmy night tonight!  I really enjoyed hearing all of the winners speeches, because for the first time, I really felt every single one of them was genuinely appreciative and grateful for the award.  Some years watching the show, I get the sense that a lot of the actors believe they deserve it and their speeches reflect that.  There was only one actor, who I won't name who I believe was on the that boat, but everyone else was genuinely surprised by winning.

I loved Jimmy Fallon!  I loved that opening number with Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run and who knew Jorge Garcia could sing (loved it!).  I loved that Jimmy Fallon ran over to Tom Selleck and called him "Dad".  I loved the joke he made with Neil Patrick Harris being overly insecure that he needed 3 names and Neil Patrick Harris counter joking, that "he was glad the academy decided to have a gay man host for 2 years in a row (in reference to Jimmy Fallon).  I loved that Kim Kardashian had the sense of humor to sing along with Fallon.  I loved that Ricky Gervais doesn't give a crap what Hollywood deems serious business and jokes about it.  I loved the skit Fallon did for all the shows that ended this season with music.  I loved the Emmys this year.

I told my Aunt Peggy that I am going to be on the Emmys one of these years and that she could come with me on the red carpet, while her boys yell across the street on Hollywood Boulevard lewd comments and jokes, that only they can do.   When I get to go to the Emmys I would bring my parents if I could, just so they have an idea of what it is like and they could support me even when we are all awkward together because we don't know what to do at such things.  I believe it is important as an entertainer to have your non entertaining family members see what you have to do for "work", just so they can understand that side of the business.  I believe that the award shows are a prime example of how some people let "fame" get to them.  The awards are a place to honor good work, but it is also a place where a lot is said, to make people feel bigger than they are in reality.  If I should ever be honored to go to one of these award shows as an actor in a television series, I would want someone in my family to see what it means to be in Hollywood.  So if I should get too big for my britches, they remember its all fake.  That is not what is important in life.  It's not reality.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, August 27, 2010

Movin, Movin, Movin...

Hi Everyone,

I had a fantastic day at work today.  I had to be in work at 11:30am and when I got there, I got straight to work.  There were four of us on.  I had 3 tables in my section and everyone else had 4, but I let it go.  As the afternoon passed and people were cut one by one, I was the last one on, and that was fine by me.  I then had the whole outside of 15 tables to myself and very systematically every table filled up.  Because of my waitressing work at the Empire State Building, I didn't get all worked up.  I took each order for each table and when I brought their drinks over, I took their order and I did this for every table.  By 4:30pm when the new shift came on, my co-workers wanted to know who had which tables.  I said, "I have all the tables."  My two co-workers, said,  "YOU have all the tables?"

"Yep." I said.  And I was in my glory.  It was the first time since I worked here that I was moving all day and I got excited by that.  The day passed quickly and without stress, which isn't always normal.  For the first time since leaving Heartland Brewery I made money like I would have at Heartland and I was noticed by the management for handling myself calmly and effectively.  The manager couldn't believe how I was able to keep everything organized and I was on top of orders and refills.  It also helped that my manager would help me run drinks when they were ready, so that I could go straight to the table, we had a system going halfway through the patio.  It was nice.

Jen and I were going to take a bike ride along Santa Monica today, but had to postpone it for now.  Instead we went to my favorite vegan restaurant and walked around Santa Monica.  It was nice.  Jen and I are growing closer, she cracks me up with her observations of American culture and we have really interesting conversations about culture and people in general.

Jen had a scare today.  While she was home, someone knocked on our door, but she didn't feel like answering it because she assumed it was the wrong door, but then the person tried to open the door, so she opened and the man, said, "Sorry, I have the wrong apartment."  She ran to the window and saw 3 vans that drove away, but she took their license plate.  When I came home, she explained what happened.  I told her that we had to tell Nissy, our super.  Jen thought that the incident was weird but not weird enough to get Nissy involved.  I told her that I felt it was important.  I don't trust anyone on their word, that we had to check with Nissy if she saw anything.  Because if Nissy was going to have a worker work on our apartment, she would send a note letting us know, no one should ever let themselves into our apartment.  When we went to Nissy, she said exactly what I said.  She is going to change the locks on our apartment tomorrow and has been in contact with the residential company over putting a key entry into our apartment complex, because right now anyone can come inside our complex.  All of our neighboring apartments have key entry or electrical gate entry and we have a lot of children that live in our complex.  This is the thoughts that make me worry about Jen in NYC.  She always thinks the best of everyone and second guesses her gut instincts.  I know she is going to be okay, but I can't help worry about her and hope that she has a great time in NYC!

I won't be able to post tomorrow night, so I will return Sunday!

Until then.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Strolling Down Memory Lane

Hi Everyone,

My Aunt Peggy came home today and I met up with her and Robert for dinner.  She was glad she went, but was disappointed with Brooklyn and her memories of what it was like.  She said she wouldn't move back there anymore.  It must be strange when you were born, raised and grew up in a neighborhood and then go back 20 years later and it isn't the same.  I know the feeling, I was so disappointed when I went back to my old block in Brooklyn and all I could recognize was the Jack LaLaine gym and my school.  The local diner was still there, but that was my grandma and mom's hangout, not mine, but the movie theatre, the pizza place, the deli, all of it was gone.  All of the people I grew up with were gone.  I couldn't even recognize my house, because the whole block whitewashed the bricks, so I had to look for the number.  It was good to see Aunt Peggy rested and ready to get back to her routine here in California.  She noticed the change in my energy or attitude, since she last saw me.  She asked if it was because of getting back into classes with acting.  I believe it is.  It is a start.

I am excited to meet some really cool actors.  I am also excited over seeing what work we will be doing and rehearsing and playing with whatever it is.  It reminds me of the the first day of school which is exciting but also nerve wracking.  That is how I feel.

My friend Kimmie, from acting school and my roommate for years in NYC is coming to visit L.A. at the end of September because she is in the L.A. Triathalon and she needs to see her "Scribs" pronto!  Hell yeah,  I need to see "Kimm-ay" pronto!  Kimmie is my friend who is so sarcastic and so truthful with her good traits and bad, that she makes me laugh so much that no sound comes out.  She sings her thoughts out loud when she is in a goofy mood and she loves people with such force it is like a huge hug engulfing you and never letting you go (in a good way).  Kimmie and I have been through a lot, like most good friends, and have found a place in our relationship where drama doesn't live anymore and it is all about the friendship.  I have been very blessed in my life to have friends that I know will be in my life for a long time, no matter how long it has been since I have last seen or spoke to them.  It is just an understanding, respect, and good times with one another when we do meet again that binds us all together.

This afternoon, I looked at my photo album of my trip to Europe with 3 of my good friends in high school.  It was Lisa, Kristin, Kerri and I, we had gotten the trip for our 16th birthdays, I think, I know I got the trip as my 16th birthday present.   I remember that I loved that trip.  I remember I thought the kids from Oklahoma City, who we shared a bus with were crazy!  But Mr. Young had his group of 12 students and kept us entertained and participated with us in our own craziness.  I remember dancing in a Swiss club, with the men from the Swiss Army, old enough to be my dad, to Genesis' "I Can't Dance" and laughing so hard.  I remember thinking Innsbruck was the most beautiful city I had seen with the Alps in the background.  I remember having a crush with Lisa over the British tour guide.  I remember Kerri getting bird poop in her hair in Venice and I had to take it out LOL!  I remember Kristin yelling out the window in Paris, some dirty sentence in French.  I remember Mr. Young and I playing 20 questions for hours because we were stuck on a road in France because the farmers were on strike and blocking the roadway.  I remember getting lost with Lisa in Harrod's in London because we didn't know that the 1st floor really is  the 2nd floor.  I remember being at the Renaissance joust and the knight asking me for my hand.  I thought he was going to cut it off, but instead he kissed it before each joust.  I remember being exhausted in Amsterdam waiting to check in to our hotel.  I remember eating pork everywhere we went!  I remember coming home and wanting to go back.  Looking over the pictures I was reminded of the emotions of excitement and wonder that went through my mind at that time.  I was keenly aware of liking Europe right away.  I wanted to soak up everything.  I wanted to be European with their sense of style, and the way they held themselves with a sense of sophistication, I had never been privy to be around before.  Europe was old and I felt I could learn so much from it  and it's people.  I didn't have a plan of where in Europe I would have moved to, but I was sure I would like it anywhere in Europe.  I still feel that way.  I have grown to appreciate America with all of its freedoms, but I would jump at the chance to live in Europe.

I wonder if it will be the same 20 years from now?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Inner Mean Girl Cleanse

Hi Everyone,

Last night, my computer started to act crazy and wouldn't let me on the internet, so I decided to hold off typing my blog, which then got me thinking how dependent I am on my computer.  Some days on my day off, I will sit in front of the computer for hours on the internet, doing nothing until I get the urge to shower and go outside.  Which thankfully I do get those urges.

I have decided to cut things out of my internet daily routine.  I will still check my e-mail and do research of casting directors and agents for my acting career and pay my bills online, but I will stop  going on sites like people.com and ew.com and officetally.com and mugglenet.com because I want to know what is happening in other people's lives or spoilers on shows and movies I like.  It all started over an author named SARK.  She wrote this wonderfully colorful, positive affirmation for women called The Wild Succulent Woman.  It is fantastic and I highly recommend it.

Well, as soon as I read the book,  I requested her virtual newsletter to be sent to me.  Just recently I received an email to be part of the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse.  So it is a 9 week program where each week I must do certain things to cleanse out the Inner Mean Girl within myself that is helping to sabotage my dreams.  The first week is Cleaning Out the Gossip In My Life.  It is the simpliest form of negativity that we have control over in our lives, so that is why it is week 1.  I know it is going to be difficult, but I started by cutting out the gossip sites on my internet prowling.  It can get addictive :)  I will keep you updated on my progress.

Until later tonight, Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Remembering Erin

Hi Everyone,

Today would have been my cousin, Erin's 31st birthday.  She has been on my mind a lot lately and that makes me think that she is with me.  I have wondered a lot recently that if she wasn't severly handicapped what kind of person would she have been.  I remember thinking when we were children that she was so pretty.  Even though she wasn't able to talk or communicate in anyway we understood fully, I always felt she understood us perfectly.

I called my aunt today and she sounded okay.  I worry.  I am told that the first year is the hardest.  I wouldn't know.  I have been blessed in my life when it comes to death and loved ones.  I am a mess with everyone close to me here on earth, so I can't imagine what my life would be like without one of them.  I depend on their love, support, opinions and friendship more than I can fully imagine.  My heart as I write this, is tight with the love I feel.

I am not sure what my parents did, but they did something right.  My mom, dad, brother, sister and I enjoy each others company immensely.  We have been able to bridge the gap from the parent/child relationship to friend/friend relationship.  We laugh constantly, we rib on each other, but mom gets most of it and handles it with more laughter, we argue, but then we forget 5 minutes later, we talk and discuss issues, life events, ideas, opinions and we all have our opinions.  We have been able to welcome with open arms, my brother's fiancee, who has made the transition into our zany family very smooth and has added her dry sense of humor and girly fashion sense, which my sister and I desperately need guidance with, into the mix.  I am not usually this sentimental, but Erin reminded me that no matter what, life is more precious if you have love in your life.  Thank you Erin!


Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, August 23, 2010

Chakras Rule!

Hi Everyone,

When I was in acting school I had a teacher named Julia Carey, who believed that we as actors instinctually, viscerally learned to be the character.  One way she used to get in touch with our bodies was energy work.  I had already begun learning about chakras.  There are seven within the body that travel from your feet, where you are grounded all the way to the top of your head and beyond.  I identified with Julia's technique because it was something I had been working with myself, but never thought to put into practice toward my acting technique.

Lately, I have noticed that I have a sore throat and that my lower back hurts no matter how much I stretch or drink hot tea.  If I was to apply the chakra practice into my symptoms I would be told, that I am not voicing things that are bothering me for my sore throat.  My lower back pain would be associated with my root chakra which deals with survival, money, job, success and is also the place where manifestations stem from.  So I would be told that I am worrying too much about  money, job, success and letting fear take over my dreams.  These are all true.  My thoughts are greatly filled with thoughts of "How will I have enough money?  Will I ever get the big break?  How do I juggle my acting with my day job and be successful enough to focus just on acting?  Will I be a waitress for the rest of my life?"  As I am writing this I am keenly aware of how my back has slouched inches down into a slump.

This is where meditation works for me.  To envision a fantastical heavenly place of safety and love that is bright and colorful and push all those dark thoughts out of my mind.  I have also learned through Julia the importance of breath work.  While I am meditating I am able to focus my breath onto the pain and slowly get rid of it.  When it first happened for me I actually thought, "This is a miracle!"  I began to pay attention to my body and what it was saying to me.  My body has never been wrong.  It has always guided me to the right place, person, event, or lesson I have needed in my life.  There is a great power in instinct, a greater power than our culture gives it credit for.  Do you have any stories of how your gut told you to do something everyone else told you not to?  I would love to hear them.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Farmers Market Santa Monica Style

Hi Everyone,

Earlier today Jen and I went into Santa Monica to go to the farmers market.  It is more of farmer market/carnival food/live music where everyone can hang out and picnic on the grass on a Sunday afternoon.  I didn't know why anyone would shop there for food because I saw a vendor charging $16/lb for snap peas.  I haven't had any snap peas or any pea that would be good enough to pay $16/lb for.

After the farmers market Jen and I went to lunch at the Urth Cafe and I had a delectable egg white and spinach panini and we shared a piece of pumpkin pie.  When we came home I then went straight to the computer to look up vegan recipes for a bunch of things.  I am excited for the season of pumpkin and butternut squash, so I stacked up on those recipes.

Soon after, I began getting a really bad migraine.  I usually get migraines once a month, and I take an Advil.  But today I had a really bad one where the Advil didn't work and I haven't felt that nausea and lightheaded in a very long time.  So I made sure I drank a lot of water and then I slept most of the day away.  I still am feeling nausea somewhat and my neck is really sore (symptom of my migraines) and I am going to take more Advil and go back to bed.

I figure I must be really addicted to writing this blog, when I don't even feel well to do much of anything else.  Well I hope everyone is doing well and if Kimmie is reading this, I hope you rocked it in Portland!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Double Trouble

Hi Everyone,

So I was only supposed to work one shift today, but I was asked to work a double.  I did.  I haven't worked a double since December when I lived in NYC and I forgot how hard it is on my body.  My knees, ankles and feet hurt.  My back is sore and my neck can only move one way.

I woke up with my neck killing me this morning, so I did some stretches and tried to do most of my yoga routine as normal, but I think I made it worse, because it felt as if I had a pinched nerve in my neck and now I can only turn it to the right.  Oh well.  I got to see some regular customers I haven't seen in forever and it was nice to be able to talk to them for a little bit because today again was busy.  I didn't make very good tips due to I had a lot of foreign tables that stiffed me on big bills and it just wasn't cool.  This isn't the Empire State Building where the gratuity is included, it has to be a party of 6 or more in this locale.  And I have to say those tables were my first foreign tables ever since I've started working there in May.  It was weird.  I am glad to be hopping into bed tonight!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, August 20, 2010

I Have to Do More Research

Hi Everyone,

At work this afternoon we had a great lunch rush.  We are getting new customers and old customers are returning.  The shift ran smoothly due to the management.  Erik is really organized, helpful and around when you need him.  I am only working 3 shifts this week, but I hope to work 4 next week.

The weather is finally getting hot near the beaches.  I was sweating at work, just standing there.  I can't wait until Sunday when I am off and head to the beach for some bodysurfing.  I am contemplating joining a Yoga Barre class with the local community center.  It incorporates yoga stretching with barre work from ballet.  I've returned to doing my yoga every morning and sometimes I feel as if I've gotten as far as I can go in my flexibility, but I know that isn't true.  If I end up joining I will let you know how it goes.

A few days ago, I got to see my friend, Sarah from NYC and we went to my favorite vegan restaurant and she took some pictures of me.  When I see the pictures I am surprised at how bony I look.  I know that my intake of calories is still lower than it should be, that I am considered to be in starvation mode.  Meaning that my muscle mass is becoming depleted and that my metabolism is all screwed up.  Which makes sense because I haven't lost any weight or inches around my waist.  So for the past two days, I have ordered a calzone and ate ice cream and had beef along with my regular veggies, fruits, nuts and grains.  My stomach is hating me at the moment, but I have to sit down and plan out different meals, snacks, and overall groceries I need for this new lifestyle to work for my health.  As I have said, I like eating this way.  The calzone is sitting in my stomach and I feel tired and sluggish.  When I had the ice cream all I tasted was sugar and my breath stunk afterward.  I won't even talk about the beef.  But I can't keep starving myself and trying to make up for it once a week by eating crap.  I don't even want to eat the bad food.  It is true what they say, that fiber makes you feel full.  Jen laughed at me yesterday because I made a huge bowl of lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, green peppers, black beans, peanuts and grapes for lunch and dinner.  It was huge and when I went on MyFitnesspal.com, it only came to be 417 calories mostly from the peanuts.

It has gotten harder, since beginning work again.  I work the morning shift and I don't get to eat until I get home which is around 5:30pm and I don't eat after 7pm, so I try and stuff myself with pasta and vegetables, or sprouted bread and peanut butter, but I am only eating two meals a day when I work because we don't get a break at work long enough to eat, and we don't have a break room where I can hide to snack on something I bring along with me.  So I eat 500 calories in my breakfast and hope to figure out a dinner plan for 800 calories that is healthy.  Anyone have any ideas?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Mission Statement

Hi Everyone,

Today I had the day off from my day job and in that time I have been trying to conjure up an attitude adjustment in reference to the way I see my circumstances.  As I mentioned in various posts, my sin is pride, what I mean by that is that in some circumstances I have a very healthy dose of self respect.  For instance, my waitressing job.  I don't like to be talked down to in that environment because I realize that most of the customers and managers believe that I am uneducated and have to be talked down to.  I have a college degree, I've traveled the world and am not deaf or dumb that I have to be talked to as if I am 5 years old.  I personally know that I can do the managers job easily, I have held positions in the restaurant business in almost all capacity.  It was my choice not to move into management.  So today I was trying to make my thought process over my day job a more positive experience.  It was difficult.  I've come up with that I love to work outside, I like the kitchen crew, and that I work the day shift.  It's a start.

I also  began working on looking at my acting career as what steps need to be taken each day to move me forward toward the career I envision.  The past 6 months have been a rest period for me and now I am going to take my career and manage it so that I may see results.  I personally think that me taking the classes is a great step.  I also updated my resume, made a list of agents, managers and casting directors I would like to work with in the future.  I signed up to make a reel of myself on Actor's Access so that casting directors can see what I look like on camera and other little things that I feel need to be done to move my non existent career into something moving.  I want to have auditions every week.  I want to work with other actors to move forward creatively, similar to what I had in NYC.  I want to have my name on IMDB.com.  I want to be full creatively instead of feeling as if I'm moving but going nowhere.  I want to get out of my waitressing job.  I want to feel excited and scared of my profession, knowing that what I am doing is going to push my boundaries.  I will do it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Open for Business

Hi Everyone,

I've started my first day back at work and the adage "Time makes the heart grow fonder" did not apply, unfortunately.  It wasn't aggravation that got me going, it was the way the management treats their employees and perfect strangers.  For example, a salesman came into the restaurant wanting to ask about using green products in the restaurant.  As he was talking to the manager, the partner of the restaurant very rudely said, "He doesn't have 2 minutes to talk to you.  We are busy.  You can leave now."  I was sitting at a table doing my cashout and knew from the awkward silence that the salesman was appalled.  The salesman then said, "Don't worry I won't be coming back here, because you embarrassed me and no one should have to deal with that humiliation, NO ONE!"  and he stormed out of the restaurant.  I actually was glad the salesman stood up for himself.  It was when everyone else that works in the restaurant, told the partner, "That man was soooo rude!  He was crazy!  I can't believe he treated you that way!" that really threw me for a loop.  The partner than began explaining that the salesman tries to do business in the South Bay area and is a nuisance.  That isn't an excuse.

Second, today was the first time we, as a restaurant were open for lunch.  We were told time and time again that we had to be patient with the kitchen because they were learning a new menu, but whenever we got tables and weren't able to greet them right away because we were taking orders for another table or putting in orders on the computer, someone was down our throats.  We then got talked to about having to greet the customers,  etc, etc.  The management didn't take into consideration that the computers weren't fully functional and orders weren't printing correctly and that as servers we had to provide backup to the kitchen to make sure that our orders were correct.  The management also talked about teamwork, but when the staff was busy they were too busy to help us.

So tonight when I got home I was in a funk.  I didn't want to talk to Jen about it, but I did.  I just wanted to stuff my face with KFC or Coldstone Creamery.  I didn't.  Instead I tried to figure out a way to focus my energy on making my workplace tolerable.  I know personally, that I feed off the energy of places.  The restaurant right now is tense due to all the health inspections and the way that the business was taken over.  I know that I also take the responsibility of others onto myself.  I am still fuming over how the partner acted toward that salesman.  It is almost as if the partner did it to me.  I know that I have the same reaction to the partner as the salesman did.  I hate when I am embarrassed in front of others.  I have said before I am very prideful.  And the thought that I have to watch what I say and when I say it makes me tense.  I am not a charming personality.  I don't have the smiling business man persona that let's things roll off her back.  But I will bide my time until I find something else closer to home.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Managing My Craft

Hi Everyone,

So I have begun reading The Scottish Play, or otherwise known as MacBeth.  I am able to say that since I am not in a theatre as I type this, so no bad luck there.  Since watching the Judi Dench documentary last week, I have been obsessed with her take on the character of Lady MacBeth.  I have decided that I am going to act as if I was cast as Lady MacBeth and go through the play as if  I was doing my homework.

After a few weeks of discovery and I am going to begin holding "auditions" as if I have the part.  I have a little camera on my computer that can record me reciting it as if I am in an audition.  From the classes I have taken recently I have realized I have the resources to practice my craft right at my fingertips.  If I don't have a fantastic reel to send off to casting directors and agents, I will make audition tapes of me in roles I would like to play.

There was an article with Vera Farmiga from the New York Times, that talked about how she would put herself on tape as if she had a role and submit for projects.  That is how she got her role in, The Departed.  By putting herself on tape in her own home, she felt comfortable and relaxed and she had done her homework so that in her head, the part was hers.  She had a full bookcase of cassettes that she had submitted and didn't get any work from, but then Martin Scorcese watched her audition and cast her in The Departed.  The rest is history.  I am going to try it and make history mine.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, August 16, 2010

TV Makes Me Excited!

Hi Everyone,

Last night Jen and I spent the night at Aunt Peggy's.  I took her to the Mexican Restaurant in Redondo Beach and we go some dessert at the local bakery.  I then got Jen interested in True Blood.  Aunt Peggy has HBO so we watched the cliff notes of season 1 and 2 and then I caught her up on season 3.  I love watching good television.  It gets me so excited.  I finally got to see my first episode of Mad Men and I can see how it can be addicting.  It is the total opposite of True Blood.

True Blood keeps me guessing the whole episode usually and I then get the urge to talk to someone about the episode after it is over.  Mad Men on the other hand is so subtle, slow and written as close to real life as possible that after the episode, I had to sit to fully let the emotions I got from the episode take me away.  I love getting the full visceral feeling of True Blood and the subtle psychology of Mad Men.  They are as different as two shows can get, but boy are they powerhouses for a actor.  I love it.

This morning I went to work to go over the new menu.  They are keeping pizza on the menu, but they will be more gourmet.  We also have a bunch of salads, burgers, appetizers and beer.  I am not sure exactly how the restaurant is going to be.  We are soft opening tomorrow.  And probably for the rest of the month.  We haven't gotten the full okay from all the inspectors, but they want us in the restaurant to learn the new system and also serve if by chance the inspectors say it is okay to open business.  So here I go...

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Grateful to Be An Actor

Hi Everyone,

So I got up really early this morning with the sleep still in my eyes for the last part of my seminar.  We watched a fantastic documentary on Judi Dench, which gives me chills.  We watched as Judi Dench rehearsed her role in A Little Night Music for the National Theatre in London from day 1 to opening night. Ms. Dench always leaves her bag at the door, just in case she wants to run out of fear from rehearsals.  It was so inspiring watching this extraordinary actress of legendary status talking about her insecurities and fears.  She was so truthful with those insecurities in her real person that I understood how she is able to achieve what she has.

She is brave, courageous, fierce, open, confident in her process, and laughs.  During rehearsal she would perform her scene and then do it 10 different ways and play with it.  When the director came over, she gave her full attention to him and stayed open to what he had to say and she worked his direction into her discovery.  Judi Dench never disagreed with the director, she took the notes and worked it out.  It was glorious to see.

I was talking to my dad and I said, I hope that I can be as humble as Judi Dench.  I hope that I am able to see the reality around me, the absurdity of the business for what it is and enjoy the process of the craft.  It is true that Hollywood can make you forget about it.  I don't want to talk about agents and managers.  I don't want to talk about the next project.  I want to work on scenes.  I want to work on a monologue.  I want to take a character from a play and make it mine, put it on tape and go through the process of characterization.  That is what gets me so excited about being an actor.

As a kid, I used to watch, Star Wars over and over.  I also watched "The Pirate Movie".  As a kid, I wanted to figure out how they made me so excited, or made me laugh so hard.  I could recite the dialogue to you and I would rewind scenes of television shows, so that I could figure out how they did it.  I didn't have the training to figure it out, but I was intrigued and fascinated by making something fiction seem so real.  Now, I watch movies and TV with a even more appreciative sense because now I understand the difficulty of doing such things.  I understand the work behind such scenes and arcs.  I get excited for the actor when they hit it out of the park, because they took a risk that made them so vulnerable and had the audience go along for the ride.  I am very lucky to be an actor.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Hi Everyone,

I had an acting class today that got back to the basics of my training.  I really believe I am going to love Larry Moss Studios.  They incorporate all of the five teachers : Strasberg, Hagen, Meisner, Adler and Lewis to develop your character.  I am in heaven.

While I lived in NY and went to the conservatory we worked on each of the 5 teachers, but we never incorporated each teacher's lesson into one big bowl of goodness.  That was up to the student to see what worked for them.  Today, Michelle went through all of them and incorporated each teacher's method into the development of character in a concise manner.  It was half lecture, half exercises.  And those exercises were a doozy.

When I studied in NYC I studied under Julia Carey, who believed that you must ask certain questions of your character to get the full story.  It is a visceral experience, one based on intuition instead of thought.  I will never use any of the information I gathered on my character for the audience to know, but it helps flesh out a live being for me to connect with.  Michelle, asked us questions that left me drained, cried out and excited for what my future classes hold.

After my class, I met with my friend Sarah.  Sarah and I worked together in NYC at Heartland and she was visiting California for a few weeks.  It was soooo good to see her.  Sarah and I have always been able to have a good laugh and really support each other as artists and friends.  I met her friend, Patrick a director and we had a great dinner at the Golden Mean Vegan Restaurant in Santa Monica.  Now, I have to try and convince Sarah to move to L.A. LOL!  It will never happen because she is musical theatre, but a girl can dream.

Tomorrow is the end of the acting seminar and then I am off to Aunt Peggy's to swim in the pool and clean the apartment.  On Monday,  I have to go into Rock N Brews to learn the computer and taste the new food.  That means a paycheck, Yippee!!!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, August 13, 2010

Temptation Purification

Hi Everyone,

For the past few days, I have been getting up extra early for no reason.  It seems my body just doesn't want to sleep past 6am.  So today, I decided to take advantage of the early hour and go for a walk instead of waiting later in the day.  It was glorious!  There was no cars on the road, no people on the road and I felt as if I had the whole world to myself.  The birds chirped as the sun got brighter and my steps became quicker as I became aware of the neighborhood waking up.  It isn't very often that I go for walks this early.  I used to when I was in high school before I had to go to school and I forgot how calm and peaceful it is.

Jen and I went to the Urth Cafe for a snack this evening.  I had gotten free tickets to a show and we stopped at the cafe.  Jen has been hearing the name everywhere and she wanted to go.  It was the first time I had been confronted with a display case of desserts and I had no interest in any of it.  It was a strange feeling.  They even had flourless chocolate cake and I wasn't tempted.  I can't say that my diet is raw because I do drink coffee and sometimes make an egg, but overall I eat raw foods.  My diet now consists of fruits, veggies, sprouted bread, assorted beans, assorted nuts and no dairy.  I have converted to Almond Milk and have weened myself off of cheese.  I have kept coffee in my diet just because I do love it.  But I have taken the sugar out of it.  Jen commented that in the last two months I have overhauled my diet gradually.  Jen and I were surprised when I said that I don't  want to have a "cheat" day anymore during the week.  I haven't had any "cheat" foods, like pizza, or ice cream, or a Chipotle burrito in 2 weeks.  I haven't wanted one.  The last time I had ice cream, I got Hagen Daaz Java Chip and that first spoonful tasted like a spoonful of sugar and I couldn't stomach it.  I was very upset that my body didn't like ice cream anymore.  I used to love ice cream and then I realized it was my mind holding on to old thoughts, that over the past few weeks my tastes have changed.

This new lifestyle has been an uplifting, learning experience about myself and the way that I think.  I have always known that I use food to push away feelings of insecurity and doubt.  I am not cured in anyway, but I am finding more healthy ways of dealing with such thoughts.  I haven't lost any weight or inches, but I feel better.  I feel as if my thoughts are better, my mood is better.  It is pure, if that is possible.  I haven't been around any family or friends for long periods of time to see how I hold up in non-raw households, I realize that will be my first big test of making this lifestyle change stick.  I have faith I will be able to sustain it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Dreams Illuminated

Hi Everyone,

Today was a day full of new experiences, surprises, and excitement.  And I swam in the Pacific Ocean without coming in contact with any sharks (at least that I know of).  Phew!  I bet you are happy to hear that I came out of it alive, right?

So this morning I had my orientation with the Larry Moss Studios.  There were about 20 of us and we were given the Cliff Notes of what the studio is all about.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, Larry Moss has a very good reputation in this town and they have actors come in to teach.  Recently, they have had Jason Alexander and Brad Garrett.

During the orientation, I was able to gauge how genuine the studio is.  This has been really important as I have been auditing classes throughout town.  I will tell you that when I moved here, the only place I was recommended to study was at Larry Moss.  Everyone else that I had asked didn't know of someone or couldn't recommend a good teacher.  So I have been doing this by auditing classes and talking to other actors and every time I kept saying to myself, "I wonder if Larry Moss Studios has openings for the orientation?"  I finally got in.

The artistic director, during the end went from person to person and asked us what we wanted to work on as actors.  I wanted to get into an on camera audition class and a voice class.  I have always felt weak in the voice department and I found that the voice class they offer is exactly what I have been looking for.  After the artistic director talked to us, we then proceeded to have a one on one to figure out which classes would be best for us.

I was fully prepared to sign up for the on camera audition class and the voice class, instead I am signed up for the audition class and Brad Garrett's sitcom class.  This was my reaction:

"Brad Garrett?  The Emmy award winning Brad Garrett from Everybody Love Raymond Brad Garrett?"

"Yes." (she is laughing)

"That scares the crap out of me! (Pause) That's a good sign."

"Would you like to audit it, then you won't have to perform, just watch."

"If I audit I am going to chicken out of taking ANY comedy class.  Comedy scares the crap out of me!"

"I know.  You said that already" (still laughing)

"Really?  You better sign me up with Brad Garrett then before I lose my nerve."

And so now I am signed up to take a sitcom class from a very reputable comedy actor in the business for 5 weeks.  Oh, and I am one of the few beginner actors given permission to take the class.  Mr. Garrett said he was ok with one or two beginners in the class of advanced actors.  The pressure is on...and I haven't felt this excited and nervous about something, since parachuting out of an airplane for my 25th birthday!  After the excitement and total surprise of the morning and afternoon  I came home and changed into my bathing suit for my jump into the Pacific Ocean.

I haven't been in the ocean in 2 years and I feel as if the Pacific Ocean has bigger waves than the Atlantic Ocean.  It could just be my imagination, but when I first got to the breaking of the waves, I was scared the waves were going to eat me up.  Even though I was only waist high in water, the waves came over my head when they broke.  It was also difficult for me to get past the breaking point because every time I would dive into the wave it would knock me back from the force, so I was trudging through for a few minutes.  As I have said before I am not a strong swimmer.  I usually stay right behind the breaking of the waves, because I can still reach the bottom and for 15 minutes I had a good workout with the Pacific.  I loved feeling the salt on my skin as I exited the water.

I finally made it home and didn't realize it was already 7PM.  I feel good.  I feel excited.  I feel hopeful.  It is funny how one opportunity or moment can make you see everything around you as wonderful.  I think that is how I know that being an actor is what I want to do and be.  When I get opportunities or complete surprises, like I did today, my whole energy changed.  I began to be happy with the life around me.  It is as if I am on the road that leads me to my dreams and I am closer than I thought.  There are so many thoughts, hopes, and wishes running through my head right at this moment.  There are so many scenarios  filling my imagination and I want to hold on to that positivity through this whole experience.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Acting Classes and the Beach

Hi Everyone,

Can I hear a WOOT! WOOT! I was accepted into the orientation that is the basis to taking classes at the Larry Moss Studios.  Larry Moss is a world famous acting teacher, who my mentor and teacher, Steve Perlmutter studied under.  Larry doesn't teach anymore, but his classes hold a lot of weight here in L.A.  A year ago they had an event for the space opening and it was attended by Steven Spielberg, Sally Field, Christian Slater, Helen Hunt and a bunch of others.

When I left for L.A. Steve gave me Larry's name as a reference for acting classes.  I am excited to know that I am able to study what I have found to work for me with people who taught my teacher.  I am excited to be able to get back into classes.  I always feel myself craving to have that space to explore and improve.  I hope it lives up to what I have made it into.

I cycled along the beach again this afternoon.  We have been having a fantastic summer here.  It isn't too hot and the breeze off the ocean is just right.  I was hoping to swim a little today, but there weren't any parking spots anywhere near the beach, so I postponed that for another day.  I have become aware of how infested with sharks the Pacific Ocean is.  What I have found out lately is that around this time is the high point for the sharks to be in the area.  It seems as if this season they are coming closer to shore than usual.  On Yahoo! they show a paddleboarder not far off shore surrounded by two sharks.  Personally, I never go any farther than just beyond the breaking of the waves.  I am not a strong swimmer, so I stick to chest high water at the highest.  I'm not sure how close the sharks come but I will be sure to be around other people so that hopefully we don't look like a lone seal.  I'll let you know how it turned out tomorrow.

Until then.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Diet, Size and NYC

Hi Everyone,

I ordered my bridesmaid's dress for my brother's wedding next summer!!! Holy Moly!  It is a beautiful grecian style dress.  The color is mink (or brown).  It wasn't in Caitlin's color scheme for her bridesmaids dresses, but I've been told that the style complements Caitlin's wedding dress perfectly.  I really like the dress!  Now, I am on a exercise kick, since I had to take my measurements and realized my waist is 2.5 inches bigger since moving to L.A.

It's funny actually because my weight is the same, but since I don't walk everywhere like I used to my body is changing.  So I have been hiking, biking, yoga -ing :), swimming and stretching.  My raw diet hasn't changed my body at all.  I just feel more energized and full all the time.

I read an article recently about one of the actresses from True Blood Kristin Bauer von Straten and she was quoted as saying that since she had taken on the role she has resolved herself of always being hungry.  Since they put her in such tight fitting clothes she has to work out more often and watch everything she eats.  I would love to be on True Blood and it is an eye opener knowing that most of the actors on the show have to seriously watch everything that goes into their mouth and work out abnormally to look fantastic on television.  The job of an actor on a show like that is to act and to be fully aware of their body image.

As I live here longer I see just how important the body image here is.  I think with being in NYC with the theatre the body image isn't so scrutinized.  This evening I came across an audition that requested an actress who was 5'3-5'8 95-125lbs.  I am 5'4 and 125lb.  I think the thinnest I have ever been was 114lb after I had surgery and the painkillers made me nauseous so I didn't eat.  I haven't been below 120lb since college.  I am trying to figure out how to get the best body I can have without being a twig or starving myself.  I enjoy my curves.  One of my teacher's at acting school, Pete Mattaliano, used to tell the girls in class, "Eat a sandwich!"  That is what I want to tell the girls here.  I think a lot of women here, believe if only I lose 20lbs, then I will get more roles.  That isn't true.  Get in shape and lose weight if you want to, if it makes you feel better.

For a few months now, I felt my body changing and I didn't like it.  I didn't like feeling the rolls when I sat down.  I didn't like that I was tired all the time because I had gotten used to sitting down and eating anything I wanted.  I didn't like that my jeans, dresses and shirts were getting tighter and tighter.  I knew I was doing this to myself because I was unhappy because of my unemployment and I had to fix it somehow.  When I lived in NYC I ate mostly a vegetarian diet.  I didn't do it purposefully, I just found that I liked veggies and nuts, and fruits over having meat.  I found different recipes and tried different things to spice up my menu.  I walked everywhere, was part of a gym and went to yoga classes.  It was the most active I had ever been in my adult life and I loved it!  I miss my walks around the city.  I miss the monuments and my "spots".  Los Angeles is definitely more my temperament, but there are things about NYC that I miss like crazy.  Before I moved to L.A. I was over NYC, I had to get out.  I let everything bad about the city get to me and didn't really appreciate what I love about it.  Now, I am able to see that NYC is a fantastic city with it's ups and downs just like everywhere else.   I am actually looking forward to going back.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, August 9, 2010

Opportunities...

Hi Everyone,

I got a call from the manager of the Rock N Brews and it seems as if they are hoping for the grand opening to be this coming Saturday night.  They are still waiting for inspections and such, so it is not a definite starting date.  It seems to be the only option I have for now, so...

I am still keeping my eyes and ears open to employment closer to my house.  Barnes and Noble doesn't seem to be in a hurry to hire anybody, so if it becomes an option I will see.  I am glad to have some money coming in so that I can put some money down toward acting classes.  I also want to make a slate of myself to put on audition websites, so casting directors can see what I look and sound like on camera.  Maybe that is going to improve being called in to audition.

Even though I have been doing this for three years, I still feel as if I am so green.  That I am just pulling at straws because I don't know what the heck I am doing.  Sometimes I burn myself out because I put too many eggs in the basket and hope for the best, but then I end up more confused and broken hearted that my ideas didn't take shape as I had hoped.  So now I do things in steps.  I try one thing and see what happens.  I definitely need to get into an on-camera class, it has been too long and I need to refresh myself with such things.  I have never done a slate before, but I want to utilize all that I can to get the best possible outcome out of the resources I am using right now.  After that, I have to see what the next move would be.  I hope that my ideas propel me forward in my quest for an acting career.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Autumn Dreaming

Hi Everyone,

My roommate has just booked her trip to the East Coast.  She has to go to DC for a conference, but before she does she is going to enjoy a week in NYC and a day in Philadelphia.  I was talking to her, telling her places to go and wishing in the back of my mind that I could go with her.

It worries me that she is going to NYC by herself for a week.  She has traveled the world, but she reminds me so much of my sister that I worry that she would be targeted by crooks in a minute by herself.  I also am jealous  that she is going to all the places that I have people I would love to see in each city.  Knowing that I know each of those cities pretty well I could navigate through them with ease and Jen could just enjoy the sights.  Since I don't have an income I am giving her all the information I can so that she can be as informed as possible so she doesn't stand out as much.  I hope it is enough.

We watched Billy Elliott tonight and in a scene they showed it was winter time and I actually had a pang in my chest to be cold and wrapped up in a huge comforter or a warm sweater.  I think now that I have been here for 8 months, my memory longs for familiarity.  I will always love the autumn on the East Coast.  The coolness of the days and nights.  The changing of the leaves, the time to make pumpkin pie and butternut squash soup.  In all the newness of California everything seems too good to be true.  My mind and body appreciate the weather, but after a while there are traditions and old habits I really liked about the changing seasons which I won't be practicing anymore.  As I have said, since the weather is so stable here, I don't crave heavy things during the winter.  Maybe I need to travel a little up north to go see some trees changing colors and wear a heavy sweater for the weekend.  I will let you know if I do it in October :)

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Sense Memory

Hi Everyone,

This morning Jen squealed in surprise because she forgot that I had gotten my haircut.  I had to laugh because I had the same reaction in the morning when I looked in the mirror for the first time.  I mentally forgot what it was like to have short hair.  Don't get me wrong, I love it, I forgot how much so.

I don't remember ever having short hair until I was in college.  I broke up with a guy and decided to cut it like Winona Ryder in Reality Bites.  I loved that hair cut.  I loved that I had a boy's hair cut because I never felt so feminine as I did with that cut.  It's ironic.  I liked that all I had to do some days was ruffle my hair and it was done.  I loved that it stuck up in all directions when I woke up in the morning.  I loved that I had to accent myself with earrings and jewelry.  It was also when I began wearing dresses.  I never wore dresses before that.  It seemed to be too much work and I wasn't comfortable that my calves were two different sizes.

It's funny how things that bothered you when you were younger have no basis in your life now.  Now, I wear sundresses anytime I can.  I love the flowy-ness of it all.  I love jewelry that is made from others.  I like putting on eye makeup.  I like when I get a dress that makes me feel confident and beautiful.  I like when I go on a vigorous hike.  I like playing with my hair.  Especially when it is short.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Spa of Hair

Hi Everyone,

There is something therapeutic about getting my hair cut.  I finally found a salon that uses razors to cut hair instead of scissors.  I have become to love having my hair cut choppy and uneven.  It makes me feel a little messy.  For me getting my haircut is like having a day at the spa.  I would get my haircut over a mani/pedi any day.  I find it to be a very freeing and relaxing day.

I ended up going to the Chrome Salon in Culver City.  Most of the stylists are tattooed, with three different colors in their hair and a few probably own their own bike shops or tattoo parlors.  I don't have a tattoo, or dye my hair, but I find that I gravitate toward people who do.  I also would love to have piercings  everywhere, but that would narrow down my acting roles even more, so I don't.

I finally signed up for a casting director seminar for a casting director I have been submitting to for the past 6 months.  I hope that now she will be able to see what I can do.  I am pretty excited about it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, August 5, 2010

One Ringy Dingy...Two Ringy Dingy

Hi Everyone,

Today was a phone day.  I was on the phone with Unemployment.  I was on the phone with prospective future employers.  I was on the phone with Central Casting.  I was on the phone with different acting coaches.

I should point out that I don't like talking on the phone.  I would rather personally talk to you or not at all.  It all began when I was in the 7th grade and my friend Kathy would call me and she would talk for 2 hours straight until my dad said I needed to get off the phone.  The first week I was p.o'd that my dad wanted me off the phone because I was doing what any 12 year old girl was supposed to do...talk on the phone.  But by the 2nd week of Kathy calling me every night to talk, I was bored.  We talked about everything we talked about at school and it wasn't anything new.  So soon I was cutting the conversations short and Kathy then began calling less and less and I was okay with that.  It was a joke in high school when Kathy would say goodbye for the day and that I should call her, because she knew I wasn't going to.

I am more comfortable talking face to face with 3 or less people or writing letters to others.  When I think about talking on the phone, I then start thinking about all the other things I have to do and put it off until it must be done.  So to say I talked on the phone all day was a huge step for me, due to the fact I didn't let it all get piled up until I had to do it.  It is mostly due to the fact I don't want to go to work for the new restaurant, so I am trying to find something closer to home and something new.  I am tired of being around drunk rowdy people all the time.  Plus, I am at a point where I feel like I need to get my butt in gear toward my acting career because let's face it, I have not been networking like I should for the last 8 months and I believe that is the key to booking jobs.  So I need to start getting myself into classes and moving and shaking with people in the biz.  It is one of the things I don't like about the biz, but I want to be an actor, so I have to suck it up and go for it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Hopping on the Summer Reading Wagon

Hi Everyone,

I hopped on the summer reading wagon a few days ago and bought the book, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson.  I am officially hooked.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but I didn't expect, such intrigue, intelligence and pure need to know what the heck it is all going to be about.  But that is what I am getting and I am loving it.  Lately, I haven't been excited about books, maybe because I am writing one and it is damn hard and frustrating and I want to pull my hair out most days.  But this book has got my heart a putter again over well written stories.  I have been bogged down in romance novels for the past year, because that is what I am writing, and most of those novels are written in 2 months and it shows.

I will give credit to some really good romance novelists, like Lisa Kleypas who takes her time writing full characters with thought out plots and I have to wait usually a year for a book of hers to come out, but that isn't the case with many romance novelists.  A lot of them write 4-6 books a year!  Talk about crazy.  I am not sure how they feel creative when they have that kind of pressure on themselves, but it seems to work for Stephen King.

Now, Stephen King I think is a freak of nature with the amount of books he writes, plus the articles, plus the short stories and TV and film and I find that I am always intrigued by what he writes.   He puts thought into his work and is able to create new worlds that are either supernatural, dark, or truthful and make them worth reading.  I am a big fan of his monthly article in Entertainment Weekly because I find that Mr. King talks with his heart and he never half asses it either.  His articles are always thought out, opinionated, supported and even when I don't agree with him, I understand what he means.  That is a rare gift.

I am now going to enjoy my ride with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Good Night and Big Balls!

Hi Everyone,

So I was watching one of my guilty pleasure summer shows tonight, Wipeout.  I get the biggest smile on my face at the end of the show when John Henson says, "Good night and big balls!"  I know it is coming because he says it every week, but I think that is what I love about that moment. As I was telling my dad earlier this week, I also love when Charles Osgood on Sunday Morning at the end of the show says, "See you on the radio."  I get this stupid grin on my face and actually say it along with him because it makes me happy.

A few days ago I was on Youtube watching some old Swedish Chef clips from the Muppets and forgot that he always said, "Bork, Bork, Bork!"  when he sang his song before each of his recipes, but that made me giggle all day long.  As I was cutting up my veggies this morning for the week, I kept repeating, "Bork, Bork, Bork" and start laughing at myself.  I know I am not the only one who does this.  What I am happy about, is that I am aware that small things makes me smile.  It is true what they say about how one small thing can change your mood.  I think I have proved that today.

Does anyone have a saying that makes them smile when they hear it?  I would love to know.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, August 2, 2010

Gut Feelings

Hi Everyone,

Today was my first day back to being unemployed.  Like I mentioned weeks ago, I'm not worried this time, I have a gut feeling everything is going to work out this time around.  I always like to follow my gut feelings.  Before I moved to L.A. I had a very bad nagging feeling that I would have a hard time finding a job when I got out here.  Just ask my friends Bonnie and Valerie about it.

I was sure that it would take me a good year to get on my feet and that I would have to put my acting on hold.  Thankfully, I haven't put the acting on hold, but I do believe that since I am on month 8 of being here, and have no savings to speak of, and live paycheck to paycheck, I believe my gut was pretty close to the mark.  I do have some interviews lined up for the week, but I am also going to apply for unemployment and see what happens, just in case.  I am hopeful that something will take shape and that I am back in the game.

I am thankful for my time at the Beer Garden, but I am glad it is over.  The new management is having open interviews for us former employees on Wednesday, so I am going to go, but I hope the other interviews pan out over this one.  Wish me luck.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Thinking Bigger

Hi Everyone,

I have to write this a little bit earlier than I usually do because I won't be around a computer tonight and this blog has definitely become an addiction.  This morning was very strange for me.  Has anyone out there ever woken up and knew it was going to be a heavily busy thinking day?

For example, as I was waking up, the first thing I said to myself this morning was, "I wonder if there is anything out there for me that is bigger than this?"  What I meant, when I asked this question of myself was is my life always going to be this?  Wondering if there is anything bigger.  Am I always going to have that thought process?  So that question turned into other questions I ponder away at time after time.  I am not always thinking.  It seems as if my ego sometimes needs to be heard over everything else and make me question my circumstances.  Funny thing about the ego, is it repeats the same questions over and over.

I distinctly remember as a child, thinking I was going to do something BIG in this world.  I didn't know what, but I was confident in my thoughts of it.  Then as I turned into a teenager, I knew I would do BIGGER things then everyone else around me, in a very cocky, self assured way.  Then I went into the Peace Corps and it knocked me down cold and I was a dog with my tail between my legs.  Gone was the confidence of bigger things, gone was the certainty of greatness, gone were the thoughts of success.

Now, ten years later, I have grown sure of myself again, but now with wisdom behind that sureness.  Every once in a while, like this morning, I have lapses into who I used to be.  I long to be that 5 year old girl who was sure that life was fantastic doing everything and anything and knowing I had millions of possibilities ahead of me.  I think that is why I love watching young children now, because they do have so much wonder and confidence that life will be great, being either a garbage man, a bus driver or a dog.  They don't care, because for a few moments they are all of those things in their imaginations and it is real.  Is there truly anything bigger than that?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara