So for the past few days I keep seeing the number 111. It could be on a clock, a receipt, a billboard, my phone, or someone mentioned the number. I am a big believer that the universe is trying to tell me something. So I research on the internet everything I know about numerology.
The Mayans were big believers in numerology. I think that is why so many people now wonder if 2012 is really the apocalypse because of the Mayans history with numbers and how much they seemed to get right. I have found that the number 11 is a huge numerology number. It is the number of rebirth, or reaching a higher plane of existence. Now, I don't feel that way at all. Right now I feel like I am digressing in the lessons I have been trying to learn throughout my life. Lately, I have been struggling with my anger. I have always been a person that lets things go, until it becomes too much and I blow. I am letting a co worker of mine get to me and I don't like the person I am when I work with her.
This is not a new lesson for me. I have had this lesson given to me every working experience I have had in my life and I don't seem to learn a new way of handling it. It is similar to whenever I get a new job, a few months into it, the management team changes or the business changes. I am given this lesson too, since my first job at 13. I am aware of the lessons, I am not aware of how to learn from the lessons. I know what I need to work on, but I don't know how to implement what I need to work on with how I deal with anger in general.
I wonder if it is chemistry. My parents have a story that when I was two, at my birthday party I was tired and I didn't want to eat cake, open presents or be nice to anyone. So, I said, "I don't want cake, no presents, I goin to bed". And I made my mom take me to my bed so I could take a nap. When I am tired now, I am cranky and I seriously say almost the same things in my head, "I'm not hungry, I just want to go home and go to bed". That is the lesson I need to learn with my anger. When I am angry I take it out on myself the most, because I don't voice my anger when it is in it's baby stages. I hope that whatever is bothering me will either work itself out or disappear in someway, but then I don't get enough sleep and I end up saying things that are down right inappropriate and have to apologize etc. for my behavior. It is a hassle. Well, the good thing about writing this blog is I just figured out part of my behavior that can be approved. Anyone else have ideas?
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,