Saturday, July 31, 2010

Summer Reading

Hi Everyone,

Today I worked the day shift with Chelsi and it was good.  I actually made some money.  I needed it.  I am sure that tomorrow night is going to be very insane due to employees posted on Facebook that we were going to give away free beer, which isn't true and so far there are 600 people who are coming.  I don't think that is even legal having that many people.  The bad thing about having young employees between the ages of 21 and 24 is they are in the partying stages of their life and I am over it.

I went to Barnes and Noble and talked to the manager there.  She said they have openings in the cafe and for books.  She saw that I had restaurant experience and said that she would think about putting me in the cafe first before books.  To say I was disappointed to hear that is an understatement, but if it gets me a job, closer to home with a discount on books, I will take it.

I did buy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo book finally.  I feel I am out of the loop not having read the book like everyone and their mother this summer.  I hope I am not disappointed.  I try to get it at the library but it is always out and it is on hold for the next few months, so I shelled out the $7.99  for the paperback.  I will let you know what I thought.  Is anyone else addicted to this series?  I would love to hear your thoughts about it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, July 30, 2010

Reaching Out To Catch a Star

Hi Everyone,

The last weekend of work and it was a doozy tonight.  Seems like everyone and their grandmother stopped by Vinny's tonight.  I didn't make that much money due to most people stayed put and didn't let me have any turn around with my tables.  It was okay.

I learned tonight that there are going to be open interviews for us with Rock N Brews, either Tues or Wed. we haven't been given the exact day and time yet, but it is nice to know they are letting us at least try and get a job with them.  They still aren't able to tell us when we would begin working if we were hired, because they don't know how long it is going to be to renovate the inside of the restaurant.  I will keep you posted.

Today, I submitted myself for a huge project in Hollywood, that is the talk of the town.  It is the longest shot I ever will have of getting an audition, but for some reason I felt I needed to at least send off a headshot and resume, no matter how long my shot is and it is LOOOOOOOONGGGGGGG!  I have a feeling the casting directors would laugh at my foolishness, it is soooooo long!  But now I feel better knowing I sent it out and I did what I could with the resources I  have.

I realized as an individual I take some out of left field risks, that have paid off in the long run.  I don't know if this will be one of those risks, but I just had a really strong gut feeling yesterday about doing it and I did. And when I get those feelings and follow through with them, some opportunity presents itself that I never could imagine.  Here is hoping for the best and praying I am not on the "Wall of Shame" most casting directors have on their walls.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hump Week

Hi Everyone,

I have a whole three days left of work and I found out that it might rain two of those days!  Can you say, "Crap!"  I love working outside, except when it is days like this.  Plus, it seems that the town of El Segundo has stopped coming to Vinny's knowing it is closing.  The last two shifts I had I made a total of $10.  Of course, we had too many people on, but still I wouldn't have made that much more if we had one less person.  It has been that slow.

So I have been trying to get some extra work now that I won't be employed much longer and the new TV season has begun filming.  I am hoping that auditioning picks up and that I get a job quickly.  I am on a plateau with my diet and it is so discouraging!  I hate this part.  This is the true test, every time!  I usually fail it.  I give up and start eating bad things all over again.  Really trying to get over the hump.  Anybody have any suggestions on how they get over the hump?  Please let me know.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Help Wanted

Hi Everyone,

Today was my day off, so I got dressed into one of my favorite sundresses and got in my car.  I drove to Westwood and picked up a few applications that I filled out to bring back tomorrow.  It is strange to know that come Monday I won't have a job.  It is funny how in four months time, I was able to forget how miserable I was unemployed at the beginning of May.

My plan is to go to the unemployment office on Monday and apply, to see if I am eligible.  Cross your fingers.  I also saw some Help Wanted signs at a coffee shop near the beach in Playa del Rey so I am going to check that out tomorrow too.  Besides that, nothing else is new, so I am going to keep it short and sweet.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

New Diet Initiative

Hi Everyone,

Today, I went to work made $7 and hung out with my Aunt Peggy and cousins for the evening.  Since Aunt Peggy is going to be going to the East Coast for a few weeks she wanted to give me the lowdown on checking in and such while she is away.  We all went to a Mexican restaurant and I ate tons of food because I made today my cheat day for the week.  Now my stomach is yelling at me big time.

That is the crappy thing about changing your diet and then trying to eat foods you used to eat again, your stomach gets mixed signals and I end up paying for it.  This is a critical point in my diet since I have been working hard to strive to hit my calorie goals each day and have eaten two big Mexican meals in the last week.  Usually when I do such a thing, I gradually go back to what I did before, but this time I seriously do not want to go back to the way I ate before.  I like the foods I am eating recently and look forward to preparing my meals for the week.  It has been difficult in the past three days because of my schedule for me to really follow my diet to the T.  For the perfectionist personality I am, I actually get stressed out when I am off schedule and I have to improvise.  It is times like these when I say, "F**k it!  I will just eat junk then!"  I end up beating myself up because I didn't follow the rules that I made up by the book.  I know how it sounds, it is harsh, but this time I am determined to say, "Yes, you did F**k up, and now today is a new day".  Start over.  Don't stop.  My body feels better, my skin looks great and I look and feel leaner.  Those are all incentives to keep going and I intend to.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, July 26, 2010

1% Chance of Making the Dream a Reality

Hi Everyone,

I talked to my brother tonight and we talked about how the East Coast is getting pummeled with gross hot weather lately and the West Coast is getting the coolest summer they have had in decades.  Most of the days are 75 degrees with a nice sea breeze if you live along the coast, like I do and then at night it gets down to 50.  I wake in the morning and within a few minutes of walking around I am actually cold because we keep our windows open at night, so the apartment is always comfortable.

Some of the employees of Rock N Fish came in to eat today and were surprised to find out that none of the employees of Vinny's have been asked to work for Rock N Brews when it reopens.  I am not holding my breath, but I felt better knowing they were in the dark about everything as much as we were.  As this week of work is winding down, I have this growing feeling that this is my window to focus on my acting.  In what way, I am not sure.  Of course, I want to take classes, but I don't have the money just yet.  Of course, I want to go on auditions, and I do, but I would like to be called in more.  Of course, I would like money to get new postcards and business cards printed up to hand to others, if the occasion arises.  Of course, I would like to move on from extra work and be seen by an agent and a manager.  Of course, I would like to participate in agent and manager showcases, but again I don't have the money.

This is the cycle I go through as an actor.  I work long hours to pay my bills and try and save a few bucks so that I can take classes, or seminars, or showcases, or buy new headshots, business cards and postcards.  Because I work the long hours, I am unable to really focus time and energy on my acting.  This is what a lot of actors go through.  We go through dry spells and then all of a sudden you are cast in two or three things and it gets your juices flowing and then another dry spell.  I would love to learn how to propel the bursts of creativity and work into more creativity and work and it has been difficult trying to find that formula.  That formula is my key to becoming a real life working actor.  I want to be that 1% gosh darnit!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, July 25, 2010

As If!

Hi Everyone,

I realized just at this moment that this is my 100th post on this blog!!! Yay!!! Queue the band!  It is a momentous occasion for me today just because I was very aware of how I perceive things.  I realized lately that I have been living in a world of "What if?", not my world of "This is it".  I understand fundamentally that I must be okay with my "This is it" world to accomplish the "What if?" scenario.  

Case in point, I am having a really hard time getting through work.  I have to mentally tell myself to be nice to people, smile, laugh and act as if I am having a good time.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes I can't stand the BS I am telling myself.  Instead, I long to be home, or riding a bike along the beach, or calling Central Casting for extra work, or writing my romance novel.   That is partly true, most of the time, I am playing the "What if" game.  What if I won the lottery for $5000 a week for life?  What if I booked a national commercial?  What if I got to be cast as an extra on House and then the director loved me sooooo much he replaced the guest starring actress with me, so I could act with Hugh Laurie and get my SAG card all at once?  I realize most of the time I get carried away and scenarios never make logical sense, but boy can I dream.

My dreaming usually off sets my mood of negativity because as all game of "What if" does is make you see what you don't have.  So I have decided to turn it on it's own head.  I have begun playing the "I have" game.  I have a great roommate.  I have a warm bed and a roof over my head.  I have food in my fridge and cabinets.  I have clothes on my back.  I have a wonderful family and loyal friends.  I have a car that gets me around.  I have a job for one more week.  I have this blog.  I have the ability to walk, talk, feel, see, hear, taste and be.  And the list goes on and on.  It may not be exciting or exotic, but it is true and when all is said and done, I am very grateful.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

I Want to Stay at the Treehotel...

Hi Everyone,

I have just come back from work and I am in my last week there.  My last day and the last day for Vinny's will be August 1st.  This last week is going to go soooo slow!  Two things I want to talk about today.

First, who say the story of the invisible treehotel on Yahoo!?  I want to go!  I looked on the website and also saw that they are building a bird's nest which I would love to see the inside of that and plus knowing the hotel is 40 km away from the Artic sells it for me.  My goal as a kid and still is, is to travel to every continent and the North Pole.  I don't know how I am going to get to Antartica or the North Pole, but I would be happy to say that I have been to the Artic.

Second, I also saw on Yahoo! the story of what singles should do before settling down.  The number 1 thing was to travel alone because they say it builds confidence and self reliance.  Now, I traveled alone for the first time, to Ireland last year as a gift to myself and I then traveled all over by myself for 6 more months.  Going to Ireland, by myself, was scary, nerve wracking, exciting, fun and all around awesome experience.  I don't think it built confidence in me at all.  Within two days of being there and having every Irish person talk about how brave I was to travel alone in a different country, I began to think maybe I was very strange.  Because to the Irish, it is strange to travel alone.  I became self conscious and uneasy about being by myself.  Yes, I was self reliant, but I have been for my most of my life, by choice.  I take pride in knowing I can take care of myself without anyone's help.  I am proud that I am able to travel all over the world and figure how things work, when it is so different from what I am used to, but I don't like traveling alone.  If I had my pick, I would definitely travel with someone else.  To tell you the truth, I was lonely. I had no one to talk to about these fantastic things I was doing, or seeing, or experiencing and I realized I wanted to share it with someone, anyone really.  That is how I met so many wonderful locals.  Because I had to talk to someone and the Irish are very good listeners.

So the question is, who is wants to go to Sweden with me and stay in a treehotel?  Any takers?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, July 23, 2010

Oh Romeo!

Hi Everyone,

I brought Jen to see Romeo and Juliet at the Knightsbridge tonight.  It is a new take on the old story.  It was set in 1978 NYC Studio 54 and Juliet was a drag queen.  It was hysterical!!!  The fight scenes were disco dance offs and Juliet was a feisty queen at that.  The New York accents were all over the place.  Some sounded British, others Southern, one sounded Bostonian and others just gave up.  But it worked, it was kitchy like John Water's Hairspray.  The cast was having a blast and they replaced the Friar with a Sensei who was blind.  Oh the hijinks!

Thankfully, since it took 2 hours to get to the show because of a brushfire and a car accident, I was able to give Jen the paraphrased version of the story of Romeo and Juliet.  She didn't realize it was written in old English, so it helped that I pointed out who was who in the disco.  With that the two of us were able to enjoy the goings on of the story and laugh with delight over the interpretation.

As if I haven't said it before, I am really excited about being part of this company.  The cast seemed to have a blast and did everything tongue in cheek.  Jen commented on how more professional the theatre was and how much more polished the acting was.  I am very fortunate to be surrounded by these actors, who are good, and are working regularly.  I am really excited to be a part of a production here.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Fitness Pal

Hi Everyone,

I had my Candida callback tonight and I am not going to talk about it too much because I have superstitions.  They did make me read for Prossy, which is a supporting character, so I have a feeling I wasn't the right look for them when it came to Candida, but I am grateful they have me in the running for Prossy.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Today was pretty much a nice day, very low key and relaxing actually.  I started keeping track of my diet on www.myfitnesspal.com.  With me eating this raw food diet and working out moderately 3 times a week I have been able to lose some weight.  This site let's me track my calories and what I need or need to cut back on in my diet and helps me see how much calories I need to consume vs.  what I am consuming.  I have found out, I only eat 1100 calories at the most after I work out which isn't good, because I am going to end up making my body go into starvation mode because it isn't getting enough food.  My problem lately is, what I am eating is keeping me full.  I do realize that won't last too much longer.  That my body will start to give me signs that I need to eat more.  That is why I am tracking this stuff on the site, because it helps me to see how many more calories I need and how many more proteins, carbs and fat I need also.  The hard part is finding things that make it all balanced.  I find that even with the low calories I am always over my limit in sugar.  I never seem to hit my goals for any of the carbs, proteins, or fat, but sugar is over the top.

It is because of the fruit I eat for breakfast.  As a kid, I never really liked fruit, but now as I have grown I love it, more than vegetables.  So in the morning I always have a bowl of mixed fruit I prepare for the week .  That bowl of fruit give me only 10mg of sugar left to consume for the rest of the day.  I never knew carrots had sugar in them, but the website says they do.  And so does a lot of other veggies.  It is amazing even with the raw foods I am eating how sugar is naturally in some things.  Tomorrow I am going to make my bowl of fruit smaller and my oatmeal bigger and see what happens.  I do really enjoy seeing it all on the a report, it helps me a lot.  I will keep you updated on my findings.  Because I have to find more meals that give me more calories without the fat, sugar or sodium.  For a person who hasn't really paid attention about any of this before, it seems like finding a needle in a haystack.  Wish me luck.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Thank YOU Smoothie!

Hi Everyone,

I gave Smoothie, my car, a well needed car wash today.  She was spotty and her hood didn't shine like it used to, so she got pampered today.  She was vacuumed, washed, dried, and deodorized for a good 20 minutes today.  She is running with more pep in her motor and she is flaunting her ebony beauty in the Southern California sunshine.

I like to think Smoothie appreciates when I take the time to take care of her needs, because she can be temperamental, like all older model cars are.  She has a way that she likes to drive, she gets cranky when she is hungry and craving superior unleaded and purrs like a kitten when her oil is changed.  She gets down in the dumps and runs like an old lady when she needs pampering and doesn't get it right away.  I know, Smoothie, I try to do what is right by you, but sometimes I am too busy worrying about myself and neglect you, I apologize.

Smoothie is my 2nd female car.  My very first car, Nellie was my pride and joy 1987 Dodge Reliant-K.  She was a spunky one, that one!  She revved and jerked all over the Pocono Mountains and Lancaster, PA.  I have great memories with Nellie, she will always be my first car.  Then there was Putt-Putt.  He was an old Chrysler, rusted and big.  He wasn't intimidating, but he was reliable until the state of Delaware said he was a danger to society because I couldn't role Putt-Putt's driver side window down and they didn't make the part anymore for me to fix it.  Too bad.  He was a good car.

Then, there was my first car that I bought!  It was a Navy Blue 1995 Hyundai Sonata named Buddy!  God, I loved that car.  That car was so reliable and he loved me.  He made my rides smooth.  He liked to drive long distances and he wore the dirt of our travels as if it was a tuxedo made just for him.  Then I moved to NYC and I kept getting Buddy in trouble, parking him in spots he wasn't supposed to be in and he accumulated tickets, which was fine, it was my fault.  Then one day Buddy, got sick because I wasn't paying attention to him and his battery died, so I got a new one, vowing to drive him regularly around the block every other day.  The next day was a snow storm and I went to dig Buddy out, but he wasn't there.  For some reason I still don't understand the City of NY towed Buddy to the remotest junk yard in Queens, that took me hours to get to.  I was frustrated and made a rash decision which I still feel pangs of regret towards.  I gave beautiful, loyal Buddy up to the City of NYC and some lucky bastard is loving the gift I bestowed on them.  I shed a tear for you Buddy :(

I couldn't drive for 5 years after losing Buddy and then I moved to L.A.   I resisted the idea of buying a car, but then realized I had to move on from Buddy, I had to find a car, that understood me.  Along came Smoothie.  A beautiful 1994 Infiniti J-30.  She looks like a old time movie star compared to these new models.  She is sleek, long, and built for luxury.  I don't deserve her.  She is much more sophisticated than I'll ever be and so much more elegant.  But she is okay with that and I am grateful.  I vow to take care of her, because she needs it more than any of the other cars I have ever had.  She needs attention and praise, and pampering.  She has taught me to keep my word, when I say I will do something for her. She has kept me honest.  I owe a lot to Smoothie.  She has gotten me back on the road again!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Genius of Nolan

Hi Everyone,

Today was my day off and I treated myself to a movie.  What movie do you say?  Why, Inception, of course, my dear friends.  Now, I know this movie has been getting a lot of hype lately.  I remember seeing the trailer months ago and thinking, "What the hell is this movie about?"  Now, usually when I think that sentence it is in a negative tone, but when I saw the trailer for Inception, it was in a positive tone.

The trailer piqued my interest and got me excited to shell out $13 for a movie.  So I walked to the Westside Pavilion, bought my ticket, picked my leather seat and settled in for a 2.5 hour afternoon of being amazed.  Or at least that is what I thought.  I forgot that Christopher Nolan is not just a blow up stunt maker of a director, a la Michael Bay.  Nolan actually directs movies for the thinker.  I got my first taste of Christopher Nolan, when he directed Memento, with one of my favorite actors, Guy Pearce.  Memento was a film where a man suffering from short term memory loss, was trying to solve the murder of his wife, but had to tattoo the clues to his body, so he would remember.  Oh, and the movie was shown from the end to the beginning...hahahahahahhahaaaa.  The first time I saw that film my mind couldn't comprehend anything, but my mind did become obsessively curious about how to figure the story out.

The first half hour of Inception I had to concentrate on what the characters were saying because my mind couldn't fully comprehend what I was seeing.  The movie is edited in such a way that scenes are given to the audience to keep them on their toes and be confused.  If I didn't pay attention to what was being said, I was going to be awfully dumbfounded, by the psychology of it all.  And we all know how friggin complicated and open to interpretation psychology is.  The dialogue went by with lightning speed and I have to admit that the first hour was hard for me to get through, because I am not used to concentrating so hard to understand a film.  I am a visual learner by definition, so it was painstakingly difficult for me to listen to the dialogue while my eyes were trying to work through what I was seeing.  What I was seeing were landscapes, ideas, theories, and story all in one and it was visually stunning.

The second half of the movie, I was able to enjoy it because by then my mind had come to a conclusion that made sense on why everything was happening.  The acting was subtle and honest.  The story was compelling and brave.  I left the theatre, not really wanting to see the movie anytime soon, because I am still processing what I saw.  I might never see the film again, but I have to give it credit for making me think, outside the box, and see how visual effects are used wisely to tell a story.  You, might not like Christopher Nolan or maybe you love him, but there is one thing I know is true, this man is a genius.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, July 19, 2010

Candida

Hi Everyone,

Just an hour ago, I had an audition for the title role of Candida at the Knightsbridge Theatre Company and Carolee the director said that I should be available for callbacks on Thursday.  Yay!!!!!  Can I tell you how bummed I was today, because I was being way too hard on myself about memorizing the scene and monologue for this audition.

I am the first to say that I have a hard time memorizing, no matter how often I practice memorizing dialogue, I always need to work harder than a lot of my peers to get the dialogue in my body, so that it comes out natural and I don't sound as if I am trying to remember dialogue.  All this morning I had a stomach ache, over it.  I was also getting so frustrated, because I would take a break from reciting the dialogue to let it sit for a bit.  When I came back to it, I would recite paraphrased versions of the actual dialogue.  First rule of being an actor, you must say the words that are written, not the words you are most comfortable saying to convey the same thing.  So, you can imagine the groans of frustration coming out of my clenched teeth as I heard myself take huge pauses to remember the exact words I am supposed to be saying.

Now, when you go into an audition that you were just given less than 24 hours before, the casting director is not going to belittle you for going a little off script and they also expect you to have the pages available in your hand as you audition.  But, 2nd rule of acting is, Don't be a slave to the dialogue.  I was taught in acting school how to read quickly a sentence off a page to queue myself if I am having trouble remembering the dialogue.   It is very true that as soon as I see a word, the rest of it comes to me and I keep going.  Sometimes you are on your game and other times, not so much.  Tonight, thankfully, I was on my game and I believe that that was just plain luck.

As I was driving to the audition I felt woefully unprepared and tried to control my breathing as my thoughts were going out of control.  It ended up that I had to do the monologue instead, of the scene, but either way it was a doozy.  I will say that I had pictures of the two male characters I was talking to vividly in my mind, so that helped tremendously.  Third rule of acting, Always know who you are talking to and your relationship to them.  That is half the battle right there.  Most of the time, the reason I don't get cast is because my vision of the other character isn't strong enough.  I have learned over the 3 short years, just  how important that is and have come to relish that part of auditioning.  Wish me luck for Candida, because ever since I was accepted into the Theatre Company and they announced Candida, I knew that I had to be in that show.  I don't feel so strongly about characters very often.  But I realize that this role is one of those roles, I really want.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, July 18, 2010

A Big Burst Of...

Hi Everyone,

Tonight, I got the sides I need for my audition tomorrow night for Candida.  I hope I get to be part of  the show as either of the two women characters.  I want to know how the theatre company works, how they put on a show, how they put all the pieces together.  I also want to get to know members and I am sure that being cast in a show is a great start.

Today, at work, we were confronted by a load of people in 30 minutes.  One minute a group of 50 people came, then a group of 30 and then the regular dinner rush.  Arra and I were put to the test that first hour and then we were joined by Selma and Lorena.  I rushed around for three and a half hours and then there was nothing.  So I got to come home by 9pm which was fantastic!

I am going to cut the post a little short tonight, so that I can go over my sides (scenes) for my audition tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

Until then.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Hocus Pocus of July 17th

Hi Everyone,

Everyday, when I turn on my Mac, my computer calendar says July 17th.  When my computer is done booting up the date changes to the actual date.  So I of course, am sure that July 17th means something important.  Something extraordinary.  Something spectacular is going to happen to my life.  Not exactly.

The day began with me waking up at 9am, which put me in a foul mood because that is really late for me and I needed to run around and do errands, and I had to prepare my food for today, since I am still on the vegetarian, raw diet.  First, I went to Trader Joe's to pick up some fruits and veggies.  I want to point out at this time, that I think Trader Joe's is a fraud.  Their prices are lower, but the selection is small and everything is packaged.  There is no raw vegetables in my Trader Joe's.  So I picked up my bananas, strawberries, cucumbers, and green peppers.  Then I walked across the street, to Albertson's and bought my honeydew, cantelope, tomatoes, red lettuce, leafy lettuce, carrots, and mangos and walked home.

The sun was already hot, by 9:45am as I was walking home and I knew that my apartment was going to be really hot.  I was beginning to get really hungry, but since being on this new way of eating, I find that when I buy all my food, I need to prepare it right away for the week or I won't do it.  So, I unpacked my veggies and fruit and began slicing and dicing and putting them in the tupperware for the week.  It was 11am by the time I had finished doing it all.

So, I finally sat down to eat breakfast of a fruit bowl and sprout bread with Peanut Butter.  I was cranky because I had to go to work at 4 today.  That means I had to leave the house by 3:30pm at the latest, so I wasn't going to have enough time in the day to eat enough food, to keep myself full throughout my shift.  I have a schedule for my eating depending on work.  I don't eat any of the food at work, unless I want to eat it on my cheat day, that I have once a week.  But let me continue.

Then I paid some bills, wrote some letters, and checked my email because auditions for Candida are tomorrow and I had contacted the director to audition.  I wasn't able to go to the monthly meeting this month, due to I couldn't get anyone to cover my shift.  Carolee, emailed me back and asked if I was a member, I confirmed it, but I haven't heard back.

So I get ready for work and begin to drive along the beach, forgetting it is Saturday afternoon.  I hit traffic, a lot of traffic.  I am 7 minutes late to work and I don't really want to be there.  Work has become difficult due to the energy in the place.  The present owners are nonchalant about everything because they will be out of business by the end of the month and us employees, don't know what is going on, so we are nervous and antsy.  Not a good combination.  But I do get a call from my brother who leaves a voicemail and I am happy to hear his voice.

Also I get a phone call from my sister who highly recommends Despicable Me if anyone wants to see a good movie and she wonders if I have seen Inception yet.  I haven't.  Those two phone calls have made my day better than my ordinary days.  For the next 4.5 hours I am moving.  Moving with the flow, trying to converse with my customers when I can and just enjoy the night.  Chelsi is working with me, who I love, she is spunky and fun and we always have a good laugh.  I also am working with Arra, who is soft spoken, by the book woman who  I can be quiet with if I want.  I don't have to put a front up with her like I do with others.  At the end of the night, one of the town couples who are regulars, come in and sit in my section.  I am tired, I would like to go home, but I know I will be the last one there, with them.  So I decide to enjoy it.  We talk, about NYC, the gentleman is from New Rochelle, acting, love, life, etc.  We have a lot of good laughs and my night is better for it.

I take the beach route home, which I don't usually do and the half moon is a bright orangy color and it is amazing.  It is the only thing I can see over the blackness of the ocean.  As I am driving I am well aware at the eeriness of the silent streets on a Saturday night.  But I like it.  I arrive at home with 15 minutes to spare until midnight.  I check my email again for any info on the audition, but there is none.  It is now 12:22am July 18th.  I am not sure what the significance of July 17th is, but I had a good day!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, July 17, 2010

It's the Trooth!

Hi Everyone,

I realized today at work that I am slowly turning into my mother and I am not sure how I got there.  Let me say, that my mom is awesome, she is fantastic, I love her to death, but there were traits of hers that would embarrass me to no end when I was a teenager.

First, all my friends thought my mom was so cool.  For a teenager, I felt left out when my mom was the center of attention, I didn't have the self esteem to be okay with my mom having some brownie points made with my friends.  Instead, I got grumpy and was jealous that my friends liked her so much.

Second, my mom is straight to the point, gruff in her speech and has no problem telling it like it is, because "It's the truth!" (in her Brooklyn accent, which sounds like, "It's the troottthhh!")

There is this kid at work Brayden, who is 16 and a busboy.  He looks older because he is an athlete, so he stands at 6'3 and is 200lbs and is wide and muscle.  All the young girls at Vinny's call him "Handsome" because he is.  I don't.  I call him "Kid".  He thinks this is the greatest thing ever.  He is a good kid who likes to flirt, like all 16 year olds, and loves to try and scare me.  He says I am no fun, because I don't get scared.  I say, "Well, I lived in NYC, there is a difference."  and he sticks his tongue out at me.  He tries to guess my age, which I haven't divulged to anyone working at Vinny's and he is sure that I just graduated high school maybe 5 years ago.  I say "Yep".

So, today, I had a table of guys that were drunk and one of the boys began speaking very vulgarly to me over and over, every time I went to the table that I didn't want to go back.  So Steve, the manager, and the rest of the guys in the restaurant went over from time to time checking on them for me and I knew they were watching over me.  Matt and Brayden then at the end of the night began asking me on advice about girls.  I told them what I thought, which when I was saying it, it was like I was having a deja vu.  But this time, I was my mom talking to my high school friends.  Both boys, said "Oh my God, I love that you tell it like it is, you know how it works!" and then proceeded to try and teach me some handshake that the guys do, etc. etc.  My only thought, was "How did I get here?  When will I start hanging out with men my own age?"  I don't want to be the cool lady.  I have no kids of my own to embarrass.  To me, being the cool lady is embarrassing.  Of course, the only men who treat me like a lady are married men.

It is very strange when you realize that your traits are not your own.  They are one of your parents', or grandparents', or guardian's.  Normally, I would say that I am similar to my dad in temperament, but that isn't the full truth.  I want to think that I am more like my dad in temperament because that is what I looked up to when I was a child.  Dad always seemed to have it together, where mom was the emotional one.  That isn't true either.  Dad was just as emotional as Mom, but in different ways.  I have taken on more traits of my mom's then I even realize, but its not so bad, just not what I expected.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Need An Advil

Hi Everyone,

So to say that I am over my waitressing job is putting it lightly.  I am getting really tired with the games the owners of each restaurant are playing with each other at the expense of their employees.  So, I went into work tonight, to be told that I probably wouldn't have a job tomorrow.  Seems, Alex, was given the ultimatum by Dave and Mike to sign the contract, that would give them everything in the restaurant, even though most of the equipment and furniture was paid for by Alex.  Alex said no.  He was going to take what was his because he is opening another restaurant in the near future and wants to keep his stuff.

So, Dave and Mike, said fine, if you don't sign the papers for us to have everything we are coming tomorrow to collect the picnic table and umbrellas from the patio, which means that only one server would be needed inside and I am not one of the senior servers.  But, by the end of the night, Dave and Mike decided not to come by and take the furniture.  They gave Alex until August, like they originally planned and so I have a job for 15 more days.  In the mean time one of my co-workers at Vinny's said the place she works at as a 2nd job is looking for part time servers.  I am off to talk to Ike tomorrow about it.  Cross your fingers.  I also found out, that when Rock N Brew reopens I am rehired by them, but I really don't want to work for such petty, people.  This whole experience has been one big headache and I just want to get away from the whole thing.  It is a shame that I have only been working there for 2 months and I am over it.  C'est la vie.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

We Will Miss You, Phil!

Hi Everyone,

Today, I watched the most honest reality episode I have ever seen, of any reality show.  It was the most recent episode of Deadliest Catch.  I will warn you that spoilers are ahead, so don't read if you don't want to know.

This is the episode all the fans have been dreading.  It was inevitable.  It is the episode where our beloved captain, Phil Harris passes away.  I say our because for the past 6 seasons, Phil has been there, letting us get to know him and his family and crew.  We got to "know" him without ever meeting the man.  He was forthcoming, hard as nails, tough loving and funny as hell.  Underneath, the raspy tough guy voice and bravado, was a man who loved his boys deeply, and regretted not being there for them, as he thought he should.

Watching this episode, the viewers saw Phil for the first time stripped of all his gruffness, all his strength, and I firmly believe we saw the true Phil.  It was a sight that knocked the breath out of me.  Seeing Phil so open, so helpless and so truthful.  Through my tears, I smiled as Phil and Jake got to make amends.  Jake, heard from his dad's mouth, that Phil was proud of him for going to rehab.  When Jake looked back at his dad, I was glad to know that he had that conversation to go back to.  Jake would be able to hear exactly what was said over and over, instead of his memories playing tricks on him.

Again, I was trying to watch the painfully truthful scene of Josh and Phil.  Phil apologizing to Josh for not being there for him as a kid.  I loved that Josh was able to truthfully, tell his father, he didn't feel slighted in the least.  It was a heartbreaking man to man talk, that I believe will be one of the most treasured times, Josh will hold in his heart forever.

I have to hand it to Discovery, because I was very nervous on how they were going to handle Phil's death. I didn't want it to be sensationalized as reality television is, and it wasn't.  It was done with respect, privacy, truthfulness and grace, if that is possible.  I didn't want to see Phil in his last moments and they didn't show it.  I was able to remember Phil as a man of honor, love, respect and fight.  I am dreading next week when the fleet hears about Phil's passing.  It has been a rough few episodes of Deadliest Catch, but I am deeply moved that Phil wanted the story to have an ending, because even though I didn't personally know the man, he has a place in my heart.  I am most grateful to Phil's family and Discovery for letting the viewers be able to be a part of the grieving process.  It is very unconventional, I know, but these men have become men I root for, men I respect from afar.  Over time, our grief will abate, but Phil will always have a place in our hearts.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Computer Overload

Hi Everyone,

I began my day by filling out applications online.  In the few short months that I have had a job, I forgot how frustrating it is to fill this paperwork out.  I wish I could copy and past everything into each application, or put each website address into one application, so it sends it to them together.  It would be a better use of my time.

Today, was the first day of a "heatwave".  Los Angeles already has brush fires starting in the mountains over it.  It is very strange.  It rained two days ago, but the land is still dry and easily breaks into little brush fires if the temperatures get high.  Where I live, the temperatures are around 78-80 degrees, but 10 miles east of me it is reaching 100 degrees.  It is very strange to be a part of such a difference in temperature.  I was sure it was an East Coast thing, but it isn't.

I got to talk to my mom today.  There is always something so comforting about talking to your mom.  Your mom knows you better than yourself for most of your life and my mom gives it to me straight, which I appreciate.  It was her day off from work and she was basking in the heat of the desert, ready to go in the pool.  I can't say I did much today, except be in front of the computer, most of the afternoon, and reading a book in the evening.  I did get to watch one of my favorite summer shows, Wipeout.  I would never participate in that show, but I have a great laugh watching others try and participate in that wacky obstacle course.  Plus, John and John crack me up with their dry, sarcastic humor.  Well, I am about to shut this computer down for the night because if I am on it much longer, I think I might become comatose.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, July 12, 2010

Questions Answered

Hi Everyone,

So I found out today that Vinny's will be closing on August 7th.  So I have about 3 weeks to find another job or something until I know what is going on.  I know that Alex is looking for another location in the Westwood area, which is right down the block from me.  Just because he is looking doesn't mean I would have a job lined up in the next few months.  I also don't know if I am expected to work for Rock N Brews when it reopens in early September.  No one is having meetings, I am learning all of this through eavesdropping on managers and the customers.

This way of having the customers know before I officially do really irks me.  I can give all different excuses, but maybe it was good that I am learning this now instead of 5 years from now.  I have been able to save my money so that I should have 2 months of bills saved by the end of this week.  So by August 7th I might be able to have half of the third month saved, too.  Tomorrow I am off, so I am on the search for a better, more stable job.  I am looking into 24 hour fitness.  I hope that I am able to get it so that I can have free membership and health benefits.

I walked to Barnes and Noble today after work and found a book titled, Lonely, A Memoir by Emily White.  I started reading because I am well aware of the loneliness I am feeling in Los Angeles.  I think most of my life has been full of loneliness, that I confused with solitude.  I am sure that what I say is depression is really loneliness in its most heaviest form.  I will be the first person to admit that as a child, teen and adult I always did things by myself, or felt isolated from others.  I seriously, believe that it is a part of who I am.  I identify with being alone.  My sister identifies with being sweet.  I remember my mom would go to work, my brother and sister would go out to play and I would stay in the house and read Laura Ingalls Wilder books, or the Sweet Valley High books.  I've become so accustomed and ashamed of my loneliness now that I have it staring me straight in the face, that I wonder if I will ever get over it.

As I was reading, Emily White, explains that she had a similar childhood to mine, where she was alone most of the time, or sought out being alone, because that was all she knew.  It wasn't a conscious choice, but a habitual choice.  She has many loyal and close friends, but she is the only one without a husband, boyfriend or children.  She explains that she  had an urge to move to remote places, away from her loved ones, away from her loneliness.  I have felt that my whole life.  Ever since I was in college, I have never lived in one apartment for more than 2 years.  I start to get antsy and am sure that the new place will be different from where I am now, but I know deep down it isn't the truth.  Reading this book, has been wrenchingly difficult and also a joy because now I understand I am not the only one who is dealing with this affliction that no one identifies as an affliction.  I think many doctors have confused loneliness with depression.  It is a well written account of the author's and strangers ways of coping with their loneliness and learning to live a full life.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Wishing Upon A Star

Hi Everyone,

As an actor and writer, the hardest part of doing this is saying that I am an actor and writer.  The reason being is I am always looking for a job.  When I find one, sometimes it doesn't pay, so can I technically say that I am a actor/writer?  My "day" job is as a waitress, so technically again,  I am a waitress.  As an actor/writer I play mental head games with myself trying to make myself feel worthy of being an actor when I am not working and blessing the stars I see at night, when I am.

A lot of people say that actors are dramatic, but I wonder if that is true.  If an accountant was put in an actor's shoes and told to work a job from paycheck to paycheck so that you can afford acting classes, headshots, gas, clothes, etc and might not have an actual paying acting job for the whole year, but the accountant gets to do what they love now and again, how would they react to the ups and downs?  I truly believe that one has to be a little crazy to embark on this journey.  As I child I never imagined that happiness takes a little insanity.

When I drive to work I list everything I am thankful for and since moving to California, I have had more opportunities here than in NYC as an actor and I can't comprehend the gratitude I feel.  I just know I feel it so much so that I think I might burst.  Right now, at this moment, I am not an actor, I am a blogger, writing down my thoughts and musings for free as a virtual diary.  I am good, and I patiently wait for the time when I am able to say that I am truly an actor/writer making a living doing what I love.  If I had my pick I would love to guest star on: True Blood, House, Law and Order:SVU, Doctor Who, Bones, The Office, Glee, and How I Met Your Mother, just to name a few.  If any of those wonderful angels that have bestowed great things on me before, I hope you are listening to a waitress who longs to be a true actor.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Things That Make Me Go HMMMMM....

Hi Everyone,

So what I heard from one of the managers, as I was eavesdropping on a conversation he was having with a customer is, Vinny's will close in one month.  It will then be turned into Rock N Brew, but I don't know how long that will be.  I am on payroll with Vinny's so I don't know if Rock N Brew will hire me, but hopefully this means that I can get unemployment if I need to.  We haven't had a meeting to discuss any of this, but I would like to know specifics before customers do, ya know?  But this is how the small town runs.  Everyone knows each other since they were kids, so being a newcomer I am not as privy to important information as the neighbors are.

What is funny though, is I am not worried.  I assumed finding out this info would get me antsy or anxious in some way, but I'm not.  Maybe it is because I know my way around now, more than before and also I have met some people who might be able to help me find a new job if  I have to.  I think if Alex were to reopen Vinny's somewhere else, I would be welcomed back.  I like working for Alex.  I like the atmosphere he brings to his business and I know that he is loyal to his workers that are loyal to him.

I am working tomorrow during the World Cup.  Either we will be busy or we won't, it is always a crap shoot.  I hope I roll snake eyes.  I think that is the right terminology...LOL...can you tell I don't play craps? Oh boy.  I am looking forward to the movie, Inception coming out next week.  I have been a fan of Christopher Nolan's since Momento, with my boy, Guy Pearce.  I find that Nolan is able to weave and juggle very dark stories with grim outcomes for a very compelling movie.  Personally, it is hard for me to watch dark stories, most of the time because I never feel for the characters, but Nolan makes me feel for the characters.  Inception is such a enigma of a film because the trailers doesn't really tell you anything about it, but still makes me want to see it.  Reminds me of old time Hitchcock film trailers.  It snags you just enough for the audience to want more.  Please, Mr. Nolan, I want some more.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, July 9, 2010

Going Along with the Unexpected

Hi Everyone,

So my guess was right, yesterday.  Alex, the owner of Vinny's isn't done fighting for his restaurant.  Which means that the two other owners have taken all their people that were hired through them and told them not to work for Alex.  I lucked out because Mike didn't know me before and I don't work for him at his other establishments.  But I don't think this is over.

What I know so far.  The land that the Beer Garden is on is owned by a friend of Mike's.  So Alex is making sure that we close the restaurant exactly at 10PM and the last drink is served at 10:50PM, so Mike can't say that we are violating any rules of the town.  I also think from what I heard the lawyer say a few days ago is that Alex could get sued by Mike and Dave because he signed a contract and reneged on it.  I am not sure how it all went down a few days ago, but I don't see Mike letting this property go to someone else.  So I am glad I am looking for another job, because I am sure he could evict us at anytime since the Beer Garden is Mike's and Vinny's Pizzeria next door is Alex's.  Oh, what a tangled web we weave, don't we.

Tonight was the Knightsbridge opening night of Romeo and Juliet, John Waters style.  It is set in 1970's disco NYC, where Juliet is a 400lb transvestite and Romeo is a dancing fool.  It runs for the next three weekends and I am very excited to see this version.  I am not a big Romeo and Juliet fan, but I talked to the actor who plays Juliet and he discovered things about her, that I don't think any actress has portrayed her as before.  I am very excited, plus the idea that the company is retelling the story John Waters style already makes it interesting for me.  I would never think of Shakespeare and John Waters collaborating.  I will let you know how it turns out when I get to see it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Fillin in the Gaps

Hi Everyone,

I found out today that two of my co workers got fired today and I have to work tomorrow night to cover for it.  I'm not complaining, but now I am curious to know which two got fired.  I am wondering if maybe the acquisition of the restaurant fell through, but that is my mind making things up that I wouldn't mind happening.  I just know that a few days ago I waited on a lawyer for the owner of Vinny's and I got the impression he wasn't done fighting yet.

Let me say that I love Vinny's food.  I like the people in the town I have met so far and have become regular customers of mine.  I am not a big fan of the restaurant changing hands and the menu changing etc. The thing about this small town is they like what they like, they aren't big ones for change.  To change so much in the past two months is a lot for these people to take in.  The only reason people are okay with the garden opening up is because there is more beer.  I know of people who travel from L.A. and the South Bay area to have the pizza at Vinny's because it is the closest to NY pizza they have tasted so far.

So, I must wait patiently until tomorrow evening to find out what the heck happened at work today.  Onto other news.  I am getting addicted to renting a bike to ride for an hour along the beach.  I have done it twice this week.  It is glorious and cheap.  I feel the sea breeze whipping at my hair, which needs to get cut by the way.  My hair is almost to my shoulders and I am unwilling to cut it just yet.  I haven't fully decided if I want to grow it out or keep it short.  I liked it short, it is just a really big hassle to get it cut every 2 months and with my money situation being less than I hoped, I save money in the long run, but we will see.

Auditions for Candida should be in a few weeks at the theatre and I really want the role.  I haven't gotten the lowdown yet on the audition.  I don't know if I have to have a monologue ready or if we will be reading from the script, but I would really like to be part of the show.  Wish me luck!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Getting Over the Loneliness

Hi Everyone,

I talked to a few friends living on the East Coast today and actually felt glad I wasn't there to live in the heat and humidity that NYC is so famous for in the summer.  The record temps are making me cringe and hoping that many of my family and friends have the resources to keep cool.

I was talking to one friend and since I moved away from NYC both of us are working through a bout of loneliness.  Every time, I have moved from place to place, I had either school, work or friends that helped me meet new people.  Having moved to Los Angeles with no job or school I haven't been able to connect with people as fast as I had before.  Yes, I now have a job, but I find all my co workers are 20-22 years old and at a very different place than I am in my life.  I could hang out with them, but I see that as a step back.

Recently, I was accepted into the Knightsbridge Theatre Company, so I am hope to get to know my other members as time goes by and I begin actively being a part of the company on a regular basis.  I also have a commercial class coming up.  I find that in my loneliness, I long for good conversation and hugs.  My friend was saying that she finds that she is in her head all the time and it is getting tiring.  I know the feeling.

My cousins and I are still in that getting to know you stage.  It is getting better, but I don't feel comfortable asking to hang out with them.  I long for the day when I have girlfriends to go out with on a Friday night again, or my guy and I have a great day on the beach.  It's got to happen sometime, right?

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help keep the loneliness at bay?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Layover with Raven and Karim

Hi Everyone,

Today, I got to spend the day with an old friend, Raven and her son, Karim.  They were on a layover for 8 hours until their flight to their final destination.  I met Raven back in 1999 when we were both wide eyed, young, optimistic 21-22 year olds.  More than ten years have passed and we have Mali to connect us.

We slowly reconnected after not seeing each other for 8 years and talked about life, goals, reasoning, movies, kids, anything and everything.  As we were walking on the beach, Karim was a few yards ahead of us, chasing seagulls, I was reminded of why I felt close to Raven when I was in Mali.  We were able to talk and be silent together.  As we walked in the sand, Raven was speaking of what her goals were out of life now and I couldn't help smiling, reminiscing about the same conversation in a very sandy location 11 years ago.  Life always does seem to come full circle doesn't it?  Raven and I had the same conversation, but the roles were reversed.  I was talking to Raven on what I wanted out of life as we walked around a little pond our feet covered in sandy dust.

Karim is a intelligent, cautious, playful little boy.  He is inquisitive and I found him to be very easy to talk to.  He is fascinated by how things work.  At 4 years old, he asks things like,  "Where does that bus go to, Tara?  "Do you have any trains?"  "How far away do you live from the airport?"  "When are you going to have a husband?"  "Do you want to have a baby like mommy?"  etc etc.  I have to give Raven credit.  She was able to keep Karim up after a 10 hour flight from London until 7:30pm tonight.  The poor kid had been up for 26 hours give or take a few cat naps on the plane.  Raven also was fighting to keep her eyes open and I felt bad leaving her at the airport, because I just wanted to put both of them in a wheelchair and have them wheeled to the gate.  It was a wonderful day to reconnect with Raven and get to meet Karim.  As one of the few single people left in my group of friends, it is always interesting to me to see my friends with their children because I get to see a totally different side to them than before and it is a very rewarding experience for me.  I hope Raven and Karim had a good time as well even though they were greatly sleep deprived.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, July 5, 2010

Anger Management Lessons

Hi Everyone,

So for the past few days I keep seeing the number 111.  It could be on a clock, a receipt, a billboard, my phone, or someone mentioned the number.  I am a big believer that the universe is trying to tell me something.  So I research on the internet everything I know about numerology.

The Mayans were big believers in numerology.  I think that is why so many people now wonder if 2012 is really the apocalypse because of the Mayans history with numbers and how much they seemed to get right.  I have found that the number 11 is a huge numerology number.  It is the number of rebirth, or reaching a higher plane of existence.  Now, I don't feel that way at all.  Right now I feel like I am digressing in the lessons I have been trying to learn throughout my life.  Lately, I have been struggling with my anger.  I have always been a person that lets things go, until it becomes too much and I blow.  I am letting a co worker of mine get to me and I don't like the person I am when I work with her.

This is not a new lesson for me.  I have had this lesson given to me every working experience I have had in my life and I don't seem to learn a new way of handling it.  It is similar to whenever I get a new job, a few months into it, the management team changes or the business changes.  I am given this lesson too, since my first job at 13.  I am aware of the lessons, I am not aware of how to learn from the lessons.  I know what I need to work on, but I don't know how to implement what I need to work on with how I deal with anger in general.

I wonder if it is chemistry.  My parents have a story that when I was two, at my birthday party I was tired and I didn't want to eat cake, open presents or be nice to anyone.  So, I said, "I don't want cake, no presents, I goin to bed".  And I made my mom take me to my bed so I could take a nap.  When I am tired now, I am cranky and I seriously say almost the same things in my head, "I'm not hungry, I just want to go home and go to bed".  That is the lesson I need to learn with my anger.  When I am angry I take it out on myself the most, because I don't voice my anger when it is in it's baby stages.  I hope that whatever is bothering me will either work itself out or disappear in someway, but then I don't get enough sleep and I end up saying things that are down right inappropriate and have to apologize etc.  for my behavior.  It is a hassle.  Well, the good thing about writing this blog is I just figured out part of my behavior that can be approved.  Anyone else have ideas?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Cruising Along for the 4th of July

Hi Everyone,

Today, I learned the meaning of the 4th of July California style.  The 4th of July in Southern California is like New Year's Eve in NYC.  Here people have booze cruises, not on the ocean, but on their bikes.  Everyone decks their bikes up and they get dressed in the wackiest of red, white and blue I have ever seen.

The police are everywhere and they also have things called BUI, Biking Under the Influence.  I am not kidding.  It is insanity and I don't understand it.  I stayed last night with my aunt.  In the morning, my cousin Robert drove up from Orange County an hour away, parked his car at my aunt's house and then had me drive him to his brother, Brian's apt, on the beach at 10am so that they could start drinking.  When I entered Brian's apt. everyone was in their bathing suits and drinking a beer.  I am not sure any of them slept at all, but they were feeling good at 10am.  Even when I was 21 drinking at 10am on the East Coast would have been frowned upon.  I watch these "men" at 28-31 acting as if they are still in college.  It is a sad aspect of the culture here.  There are so many older adults acting as if they are in college, but their bodies, faces, and pure drunkenness makes them look foolish and I feel embarrassed for them.

Tonight, at work we had  many drunk adults make fools of themselves by letting the drink talk for them.  By the end of the night, my patience was wearing thin and I just wanted to go home.  It wasn't fun anymore.  You know that feeling of the buzz finally not feeling so good.  Yeah, that was the end of night for me.  My customers were obnoxious, loud and embarrassed by the end.  It is a shame, that people do this for "recreation".  Alcohol for me was never about getting wasted.  Of course I loved feeling that buzz where everything felt just a little more happy, a little more better and I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed the next morning.  Not to say, that sometimes I have overindulged in said alcohol to disastrous results that have left my ego and my body bruised.  Maybe, that is why I feel so sad for these people.

Now, I am just tired and glad to be home, sober.  Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Tour de France Oui, Oui!!!

Hi Everyone,

Today is the first day of the Tour de France!!! I have been fascinated with the Tour since 2000.  Back in 1999 my dad sent me a newspaper clipping about Lance Armstrong winning the Tour de France when I was in the Peace Corps.  I didn't know anything about the tour, but I really couldn't believe that someone who had come back from having cancer to win the competition tapped into my "rooting for the underdog" sensibility.

That first July in 2000 I began reading the updates in the paper since I didn't have the cable channel that televised it yet.  And then I got to see Lance Armstrong in all his glory on television that last stage and I was hooked.  I was finally able to put a face to all the riders I had been reading about and the teams they belonged to.

Many people asked me after Lance Armstrong retired if I would still watch and I answered with a resounding "Yes!"  I have learned over the years, how teams work.  If the team isn't a team in the true sense how that could affect the whole race.  There have been years when teammates have sided with one rider over another and did everything for their rider to win.  Other times teams have been able to protect their "leader".  Lance Armstrong's US Postal team is a prime example.  The team was able to protect Armstrong against the peleton, which is the pack of racers trying to keep up so they finish the race.

As a Tour spectator, one must be patient.  The first week everyone is mostly on an even playing ground and then the drama sets in called, the Alps.  This is where the true test of endurance, concentration and drama within the race is put to the test.  There have been many crashes, burnouts, injuries, and plain exhaustion that take the riders out one by one.  It has been where Armstrong was able to get his leads for a win in each of the 7 Tours he had won.  Granted, other teams were on to him and his strategy after the first two years, but that just made for a better race in my opinion.

From watching Lance Armstrong, I was able to watch his teammates and competitors too.  I have become fond of these men and look forward to seeing them every year.  I get upset when a favorite of mine isn't in it, because I have come to enjoy watching them race.  This year, I have Armstrong, Evans, Leipheimer, Kloden, Millar, Hincapie, and Popovych to name a few.  I am in hog heaven.  Of course I am rooting for Armstrong because his story is what got me interested in the first place, but I hope for a great Tour.

À demain.   Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, July 2, 2010

It's The Final Countdown...

Hi Everyone,

I came to a decision today.  I decided to write this blog until Decemeber 31, 2010.  That will be a chronicle of my first year in Los Angeles, California as an actor.  As I keep writing this blog, I get more and more people reading it and leaving comments.  I am very excited by them and grateful for them.  I only let comments from  my followers show up on the blog.  I find that when strangers send me comments, my first reaction is "What do I do?"  I usually send them a reply back of thanks.

I have never been good at taking compliments in my life.  I always feel very uncomfortable getting them.  I don't know what to say most of the time, because "Thank you" doesn't seem enough.  I do take them seriously, too seriously perhaps.  I find that I have been getting an abundant amount of comments that are positive and I feel as if I am not worthy, plus I never thought anyone besides my family and friends would keep up with it.  Plus,  I have enjoyed writing the blog everyday for the past 7 months and I want to be able to go out feeling the same way.

Sometimes I feel as if the 7 months feels as if it 7 years and then other days it feels as if I have only been here for 7 weeks.  It sure goes by fast and my life here has been surreal.  I don't think I have been fully aware of what is going on around me since living here, because it does feel like a dream.  A dream I didn't even know I had.   So I want to thank everyone who has been reading the blog and I hope you follow me through the rest of the year.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Holding it Together, Twilight Style

Hi Everyone,

Today, I caught the repeat episode of Oprah with the cast of Twilight.  I haven't read the book and haven't seen the movies, but I was pleasantly surprised that the three stars were very funny and seemed really humble about the whole experience.  Especially, for their age.  When I was 18-24 which are the actors ages, I didn't have the state of mind to handle such a change in lifestyle that the movies have brought to their lives.  I probably would have ended up like Britney Spears, a little loopy.  Not to say that I am not loopy as I type this LOL!

When I began at acting school, my teachers asked me and my classmates to search within ourselves and really examine what kind of career we would like to have.  Most of my classmates wanted to have a career like Julia Roberts or Brad Pitt.   My first thought was I wanted that too.  I wanted the money, the accolades, the respect of my peers and then I realized I didn't want to be in the tabloids, I didn't want to be chased by paparazzi, I didn't want to have every move I made, every dress I wore, every word I said analyzed and picked apart.  It must be a very lonely existence being Julia or Brad.  It occurred to me, that the reason actors are so buddy buddy with each other in Hollywood is because those people are the only people who can relate to the intrusion of privacy.

I can't control if an audience will end up loving a film I am in or not.  I have no control over public opinion so if for some reason I end up in a blockbuster, I will have to deal with it, but I feel confident that I will deal with it a lot better now, in my 30's then I would have if it happened in my late teens, early twenties.  I give those kids props for handling the Twihard fans as gracious and as level headed as they can for such young people in a very surreal situation.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara