So now that I make some money I find that I have begun making lists again. I don't really like that I have begun this habit again. It makes me stressed out, or less hopeful if that is possible. I begin to think "If I just had this amount of money" I could do "this". I have been looking at a lot of real estate lately. Mostly townhomes and condos because I can't imagine having a house for just myself. I get spooked out alone in my apartment at night, so having a house aprox. 1500 square feet or more just feels like many sleepless nights to me.
Back to my list. I write down what I need right away, like, food, laundry money, gas money, bill money etc. Then I make a list of things I would want if I had a little extra cash for example, pedicure, a new bathing suit, dumbbells, a bunch of DVDs, etc. Lastly, I have a list of big items, like, plane ticket to go back east to visit, down payment for a townhouse, money for furniture for townhouse, be able to buy a brand new car, etc. The first two lists I always have a way that I am going to afford them sooner or later, but the last list is mostly a pipe dream unless I really buckle down and make it happen. I find I don't usually give myself the time or the patience to buckle down and make it happen. As I get older I realize the last list stresses me out, more than it excites me. I would think that visiting family and friends or buying my first property would be overly exciting, but instead I am thinking about how I wouldn't have enough time to visit everyone I wanted, or I wonder how much taxes are on a townhouse in Southern California. These thoughts are so not cool and are a big party pooper to my lists. That is why I have decided I hate that when I start making money I start making lists, because I start thinking of things that aren't even a part of my life, just because. Poop.
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,