Today was my only day off this week and I went to the library and picked out four more books for the month, plus the movie, P.S. starring Laura Linney and Topher Grace. I had never seen the trailer for this movie, but I like Laura Linney and it seemed interesting. I got a lot of stuff done today so I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I find that most days I don't feel a sense of accomplishment. I usually push things back that I say are important, but don't make the time to do until I have to do it. It isn't a healthy way to improve my self esteem that is for sure. I am trying lately to really be aware of how I feel. What drives me? What make me tick? What drives me bonkers and what makes me happy? I notice lately that I can't stand people in general. For instance the day before yesterday I had to take a short cut to work, but in doing so I almost got hit by 3 different people within 500 yards. Thankfully, I was doing 25 miles an hour like the speed limit suggested, but these lunatics were doing double that. Each of these people were coming to a stop sign and didn't bother to stop or were too much in a hurry and tried to "cut in line". So in about 2 minutes time I went from being in an ok mood to being aggravated. And work didn't help either. Now that I am beginning to get to know everyone in town, I am also getting to see people's true colors and they aren't very pretty. Most of the men act as if they are 5 year old boys whining because they didn't get their way and the women are crotchety and bitter as if they are 90 year olds in a 30 year old body. That night was a doozy. It was the complete opposite of my experience the night before.
I find that I see saw between wanting to settle down and have a family to going through my life alone. When I think of such things as being alone, it makes sense to me. When I think of getting married and having kids it seems like a pipe dream. Which is ironic because being an actor, seems so attainable to me, while building a family seems so unrealistic. I know I have a warped sense of reality. One can dream though.
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,