Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dreaming Away

Hi Everyone,

Today was my only day off this week and I went to the library and picked out four more books for the month, plus the movie, P.S. starring Laura Linney and Topher Grace.  I had never seen the trailer for this movie, but I like Laura Linney and it seemed interesting.  I got a lot of stuff done today so I feel a sense of accomplishment.

I find that most days I don't feel a sense of accomplishment.  I usually push things back that I say are important, but don't make the time to do until I have to do it.  It isn't a healthy way to improve my self esteem that is for sure.  I am trying lately to really be aware of how I feel.  What drives me?  What make me tick?   What drives me bonkers and what makes me happy?  I notice lately that I can't stand people in general.  For instance the day before yesterday I had to take a short cut to work, but in doing so I almost got hit by 3 different people within 500 yards.  Thankfully, I was doing 25 miles an hour like the speed limit suggested, but these lunatics were doing double that.  Each of these people were coming to a stop sign and didn't bother to stop or were too much in a hurry and tried to "cut in line".  So in about 2 minutes time I went from being in an ok mood to being aggravated.  And work didn't help either.  Now that I am beginning to get to know everyone in town, I am also getting to see people's true colors and they aren't very pretty.  Most of the men act as if they are 5 year old boys whining because they didn't get their way and the women are crotchety and bitter as if they are 90 year olds in a 30 year old body.  That night was a doozy.  It was the complete opposite of my experience the night before.

I find that I see saw between wanting to settle down and have a family to going through my life alone.  When I think of such things as being alone, it makes sense to me.  When I think of getting married and having kids it seems like a pipe dream.  Which is ironic because being an actor, seems so attainable to me, while building a family seems so unrealistic.  I know I have a warped sense of reality.  One can dream though.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

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