I was watching a movie today called, P.S. with Laura Linney and Topher Grace. Topher Grace plays a young MFA candidate at Columbia University and Laura Linney plays the admissions officer. They begin a relationship because she sees similarities in him that remind her of her high school sweetheart. There is a scene in the movie where she asks him to pretend it is 20 years later and he now works as a used car salesman, for his uncle and he has lost all hope in being an artist. She then went on to say, that, and I paraphrase, it's a shame when artists die young because they don't know what it really means to be an artist.
I have felt the loss of hope, or can't understand why I need to be an actor. I lose my glow. I feel self-pity and no sense of direction when I get into those moods. I believe everyone feels this way at one time or another. All of us need to be creative in our lives, either as a profession or a hobby. A lot of us lose our way, or never knew our way to begin with. A lot of us push down the intuitive feelings that if they do something that is creative it will open a "can of worms". I see nothing wrong with that.
I understand why actors, musicians, directors, writers, etc may hope that their children don't have to be an artist. I believe being an artist is going against status quo, always being an outsider, always struggling, always hoping. Some artists get the big break, others figure out a way to make it work for them and others give up. I have only been a professional actor for 3 years, it seems like it has been a lifetime. I don't want to feel hopeless, 20 years down the line. I want to be proud of what I have accomplished whatever it may be, but also able to be at peace with wherever I am at. Life is a journey, not a destination.
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,