Friday, May 21, 2010

The Day After

Hi Everyone,

I have noticed that every time that I make a difficult and big decision the few days after I am very calm.  Eerily calm.  I don't know if it is my body in shock or if it is just a surrender of the inevitable.  I am not saying that I haven't had a few tears fall down my face, or I haven't eaten a dark chocolate almond Hershey bar, or I haven't really eaten anything besides that today.  What I am saying is that I feel as if I am on autopilot.

Does everyone go through this phase when they are put in a position of facing with reality?  I wonder, because I have seen it countless times on television and movies, but I am not sure it is a organic response that everyone has.  My ankle was tight this morning so I stretched and exercised and massaged the muscles but by 4PM my leg was in a lot of pain.  My boss Dave and my coworker Chelsi asked me what was wrong with my foot.  I have always been upfront and honest with my cerebral palsy to the point maybe too upfront.  I took both of them by surprise by announcing I had CP.

I never realize how unsettling or uncomfortable that might be for the person asking me what is wrong with my foot.  Most people believe I twisted my ankle.  When it comes to answering that question, I am always direct.  I find that if I am direct and open about it, I don't get questions later and if I do get questions later, they are about what cerebral palsy is.  The more people know about it, the better, I think.  Too many people are uncomfortable around people with CP that have a full blown case, what most people don't realize is that people with CP have a broken body, but a fully working mind.

Jen, just came home and while she was in Santa Monica, she came across pain relief patches being given out as samples and she took a bunch because she thought it might help with my foot.   Have I told you what a wonderful roommate I have?  She is so thoughtful and kind and such a great energy to be around, that I am very grateful to have found her.  I look forward to when she is home and vice versa.  We always sit around and talk about our day if either of us is home at a reasonable hour.  Plus, the two of us can talk for hours.  She has been a Godsend.

I also talked to my Aunt Peggy today, she knows a few doctors, that were Erin's doctors that maybe able to help me.  She also works at a school for the disabled that has doctors and therapists on staff so she is going to ask them if they know anything about effects of tendon transfer surgery.  Aunt Peggy has said, that many of the students have had the surgery I have had, so she is sure to get some information.  I am also going to apply for a program called MediCal.  It is similar to Medicaid, but different.  So I hope that I qualify, maybe it will give me the foot in the door that I need, pun intended.  Something good is going to come out of this experience, something always does, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

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