Monday, May 31, 2010

Summa...Summa Time...

Hi Everyone,

Today was a good day at work.  The weather is getting to be gorgeous on a regular basis.  No matter how high the SPF is on my sunscreen I still seem to get a sunburn.  So I have accepted that I will have tank top lines on my body no matter what.  I am really enjoying working outside.  Now I don't feel as if I have missed out on something.  I remember every other job where I hated that I would come out of a air conditioned office to a beautifully warm summer day.  I would only have a few hours of sunshine and it was mostly in my car.  Now I get to enjoy the sunshine and talk with people and do my job.

Since all my shows are over for the season I am now trying to make a list of books I would like to borrow from the library to read this summer.  In high school, I was in honors English class and I always looked forward to the August summer reading list we would receive before school started.  Granted, I didn't fully comprehend some of the titles (that would be you, Don Quixote), but as I grew older I have reread the books I had to read in high school.  Don Quixote is definitely a densely interesting story of a very peculiar man.  I didn't get the humor when I was a junior, but as a 25 year old, I thought he was hysterical. I figure that Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Arthur has traits that are very Don Quixote like.  When I was a junior I found I loved the writings of Edith Wharton.  In almost every story she has a woman who is an outcast from society for whatever reason and tells how they are able to live with the choices they made.  I identified with these women.  I understood their reasoning.  I understood that Wharton must of been a very strong woman herself to be able to write such heavy stories about controversial themes of the time.  Honors English was also the class I learned to appreciate Shakespeare.  In freshman year, we read Romeo and Juliet aloud and it was the first time I understood what that so called English meant.  During my senior year, I had to buy the full works of Shakespeare and we read each and every play.  It was also during that time that Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson were making Shakespearean movies like, Henry V, Othello, and Midsummers Night's Dream.  I would have loved to see their version of Taming of the Shrew since that is my favorite Shakespeare play, but I it seems I may have to produce that myself.  Who is with me?!

What are some of the books on your summer reading list?  I would love to hear them.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, May 30, 2010

6 Months Already!

Hi Everyone,

Today marks my 6th month anniversary living in Los Angeles.  What a fast and crazy ride it has been so far.  I feel like I have done so much and at the same time nothing at all.  The other day I realized I must really like L.A. because I am interested in buying a townhouse or condo in the next 5 years and I have never had that idea pop in my head anywhere else.

Jen and I watched romantic comedies today as a celebration of Memorial Day.  Since we couldn't have a BBQ we thought we would make it a festive time.  So we watched Failure to Launch, which was partially filmed in Lewes, DE.  We also watched the Russell Crowe, romantic comedy/drama The Good Year.  It was unprecedented territory for Mr. Crowe, but I could see how he must be a romantic in real life.  I wouldn't necessarily cast him in movies of romantic comedy, but he tried and I had to give it to him for the effort of being out of his comfort zone.

I have begun writing my romance novel again.  I have made a pact with myself that I will have the book done by my 34th birthday on September 3rd.  I started it on my 33rd and I will have it finished by my 34th.  I will push through any hardships or plot points I am not happy with and get it done.  I feel optimistic about it and excited again.

I hope everyone has a safe holiday tomorrow and I will write then.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, May 29, 2010

What You Talkin About, Willis?!

Hi Everyone,

Today was the first true day that it was gorgeous outside.  While I was working, I even got a slight sunburn.  I like it because it makes me feel healthy, but at the same time, I need to invest in a good sunscreen for this job.  Most of my shift I was waiting for a table.  While I was waiting, my feet were killing me, so after work, I drove to DSW and bought myself some good supportive sneakers.

As I get older, I really look forward to relaxing my feet.  I never paid attention before, but now I do.  I try and massage them and get the blood circulating.  This is also the time I realize I have to take care of my feet and take care of my car.  Since I haven't had a car for 5 years, I forgot the responsibility that comes along with it.  Since I got an older used car, I know that I must really follow through with getting my oil changes and tune ups on time.  I also have to sign up for AAA.

As most of you know, Gary Coleman died yesterday and his death made me think back to shows I used to watch as a kid.  The first thought I had was, "I wonder what Fat Albert would be called now?"  Back when I was a kid, the word fat meant fat.  It usually came with a negative connotation, but people used it regularly to describe people we now call either "big boned" or "heavy".  I loved Fat Albert.  I loved his friends, but I loved Fat Albert.  He was a cool cat.  He lived in the city, like I did and he had a bunch of friends that were just trying to grow up okay.  That had to deal with bad influences, bad ideas, and bad choices, but with the help of each other they made it through.  I wanted friends like that.

I remember as a kid, thinking since we moved so much that I would never have friends that I would know my whole life.  That was important to me.  To have childhood friends I kept in contact with.  Of course I don't have any childhood friends like my sister, who is still friends with people she was in kindergarten with, but I do have my group.  They all live in different parts of the world, but I know they would come to my rescue if I needed it and I vice versa.  My thoughts on Fat Albert, then progressed to Bill Cosby's Picture Pages.

How I loved Mortimer Ichabod Marker, with his archaic video game noises and Bill Cosby acting like a kid.  I loved the theme song.  Picture Pages, Picture pages.  Time to get your picture pages.  Time to get your crayons and your pencils...those little shorts they showed usually before a Fat Albert show were one of my highlights as a kid.  I used to want to order the book and marker so that I could follow along with Bill Cosby.

I wasn't a big fan of Different Strokes, but the passing of Gary Coleman has given me the chance to remember memories I haven't thought about in years.  It is sad to know that someone you grew up watching has passed.  It is strange what one person from your childhood can make you remember.  But I am grateful to Mr. Coleman for the surprising memories his death has unleashed.  May he rest in peace.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Feeling the Groove

Hi Everyone,

Today, I worked the night shift and it was great weather, so that made the night very lucrative, or at least lucrative in the sense of this establishment.  It is really difficult for me to realize just how extraordinary the money I made in NYC compared to anywhere else.  Even though while I was making the money in NYC I  knew I would never make anything close to it as a waitress anywhere else, it is still an eye opener.

The difference also here, is that I am not stressed out like I was at Heartland.  Everyone knows each other in El Segundo, so they see you greeting everyone and one of your tables might know another one of your tables and we all get talking.  It is a slower pace.  It is more open to understand that drinks might not come as quickly as we are all accustomed.  One of my co-workers said to me, that I never seem to let anything phase me.  We were busy tonight, but I have been busier.  I liked that I only had three picnic tables to take care of.  I was able to help the other servers with their drinks and food.  I was busy most of the night and let it be.  My foot was better today, but as the night wore on, it began to hurt again.  I know that I will be hurting tomorrow, because I have to be in work by 10 am and it is close to 1am as I write this.  When I would have this problem in NYC I would have to have my foot elevated for at least 8 hours.  I think I will be able to sleep around 6.5.  But I am off on Sunday, so I am glad I have a day to rest.

Jen went to the library today and borrowed a bunch of romantic comedies.  She wants to have a romantic comedy day where we just sit around and watch them.  I say, OK!  Bring on the weekend.  I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend with plenty of sunshine and delicious burgers and hot dogs.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Very Special Day

Hi Everyone,

So this morning I visited my Aunt's classroom where she is a teacher's assistant for a special education class for children ages 3-5.  Some of the children have autism, some are deaf, others have cerebral palsy, or retardation, but they were all precious.  I was there to observe the childrens' speech therapy class.  Now for most of these children, they are unable to speak, so the speech therapist works on their cognitive skills to see if they can determine choice.

She set it up so that she had a ball and bubbles.  With her she also had a button system that when pressed would correspond to either the bubbles or the ball.  She would ask each of the children would you like to play with the bubbles or the ball.  Some of the children were able to successfully pick what they wanted, while others were assisted.  The great thing was as soon as the ball or the bubbles were in play, each of the children's faces lit up.  The bubbles were a big hit.  The children enjoyed feeling the bubbles hit their face, or they watched the bubbles float to the ground.  Some of the children even were able to reach for the bubbles nearest them.

While I was in the class, I met Charlie.  Charlie is a child with a few disabilities.  He is deaf, has a heart defect, is slow in his cognitive abilities and other things I am not sure of.  He took to me and wanted to hold my hand through the lesson.  He is a sweet boy, with a funny sense of humor and a great smile.  I learned a few words in sign language.  Both of us were learning to remember signs.  He liked to be poked and hug.  I was more than willing to accommodate.  My aunt likes to tease him because she rolls up his sleeves and he quickly pushes them back down and then she will do it again and he repeats.

A lot of the children get no attention at home due to the family size already and a lot of the parents did not make the time to learn how to understand their child.  Also, the families are low income families.  The teachers and helpers do what they can and my aunt, I know gets attached to the children, but when they are 6 they are moved to a different school, so it gets hard sometimes.  It was nice to see what my aunt does all day and the toll that the lifting and positioning does on her body.  Having had to lift and carry Erin for 30 years, my aunt has had more pressure on her body than most people endure their whole life.  It is a humbling experience and a wonderful one at the same time.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Places to Go

Hi Everyone,

Tomorrow I am going to my Aunt Peggy's classroom to meet her students.  They are all young elementary kids with disabilities.  I am very excited even though it is early in the morning.  I had a good time at work tonight.  A lot of the customers let me sit with them at their tables and we chat.  It is a great work environment that lets me do that.  The place lets you feel as if you are surrounded by friends.

Plus, it helped that the girls I worked with tonight are fun.  We had two parties of 25-30 of kids, who were stealing our straws and toilet paper so they could make spitballs.  Poor, Chelsi, almost had a heart attack and so did a lot of our regulars.  It isn't cool when parents let their kids do whatever they like and no matter who or how many times we ask them to stop running around, nothing is said by the parents.  It is a lawsuit waiting to happen at this place if we keep letting the people have their kid's parties there.  We will see.

For the past few days, the movie Julia and Julie has been mentioned to me, so when Jen was at the library she picked it up.  This morning at 4:30am I was wide awake from my foot, so I popped in the movie and propped my foot up.  I really liked it.  Especially, Meryl Streep as Julia Child.  I could have done without Amy Adam's Julie storyline, but I found Meryl delightful and I loved the way Stanley Tucci and her played off each other.  I would have liked to explore that story more.  I am excited for Sex in the City 2.  This is when I wish I was back in NYC so Kimmie and I could go see it, but instead I'm going to try and go with my Aunt.  It would be fun, if we can find some time together to go.  Besides that, I am in need of a good night sleep, so until tomorrow.

Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Heart Slashing

Hi Everyone,

The pain in my foot has worn me out these past few days.  Last night I went over to Aunt Peggy's for dinner and was exhausted.  I went to bed at 11PM last night and woke up at 10am.  I try and not walk and keep my foot up when I can.  I am debating starting to take Advil everyday.  I don't like taking medicine even if it is aspirin or Advil.

I just got a message on my Facebook page from a friend of mine.  She was one of my good friends in NYC, but now after the message she left on my page, I don't care to talk to her anymore.  I will tell you that she is upset that I haven't called her back.  She had called me while I was at work a few days ago and I forgot about it.  I haven't really been aware of calls or emails in the past few weeks with my new job and foot pain, so I totally take the blame on that.  It was the way she had to go about it, that pisses me off and makes me want to move on from that relationship.

Some people may think that is cold, but I don't.  I expect my friends to get the full story before they lash out on people they so call "love".  I haven't talked to her since her birthday on April 17th and I think frequently, I need to call her, but then I look at the clock and it is 1am her time.  To tell you I am hurt, is an understatement.  To tell you I am angry is an even bigger understatement.  I need to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning, but I know that this outburst of hers has cut how close we used to be.  What a bummer.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, May 24, 2010

It All Happens for a Reason

Hi Everyone,

Today, I did a lot of research and began filling out applications toward health insurance assistance through the state.  My aunt got a lot of information from her co-workers that has been helpful and I went over to her apartment to have dinner and discuss my options.  Over the next few days, I hope to have a timeframe where I will be able to talk to doctors and specialists.

I spoke with Marsha at the UCLA Center of Cerebral Palsy and she said that for the symptoms I am having it is more about my CP then about my tendon transfer surgery.  She said that I would have to get a whole bunch of test to see where and why the pain is shooting up my leg.  It sounds more like nerve endings.  She  also said that when someone becomes a patient of the Center that they all have to go through these preliminary tests, since CP affects each person differently and they always want to pinpoint exactly the place I am being most affected.  It gave me a better sense of what I need to do and put me on a track to get better.

I find it fascinating, that I have never heard of UCLA's Center of Cerebral Palsy, but it is a leading center for the research and treatment of people with CP.  I find it funny that I inadvertently move to a place with such a qualified facility close to my house.  Things happen for a reason.  It also  happens that I have the family member who would know the most about CP and works with children with CP 20 minutes away.  Like I said, it all happens for a reason.  I have had many people tell me over the past 6 months, that they believe I was meant to move to California because of my Aunt Peggy, acting was just the excuse to get me there.  I truly believe that now, as things unfold.  I am very grateful that I am able to see that.  My aunt calls me every other day to see how I am doing.  She looks out for me and prods me to do things in that lovingly annoying motherly way.  It is a relationship I never experienced with my mom.  My mom gave me the skills to be independent and go with confidence into the world.  My mom trusted that I would do what she said and use common sense.  I am not used to having someone check up on me so frequently, it's nice.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Hopelessly Devoted to LOST

Hi Everyone,

I just finished watching a little show called, LOST.  I have to say I am stunned at how wonderful, beautiful and right the ending felt for me.   The answers I received from the show, reiterated how I see life.  For anyone who is a LOST fan, but hasn't watched the show yet, spoilers ahead.

To realize that the sideways life was a sort of purgatory, where the members were awakened to their fates was sad, but it was shot in such a way that I wasn't sad for long.  I was happy for these characters.  I was hoping for reunions for everyone I came to love and I got that.  I also got forgiveness, and truth.  I found that the writers of LOST hold the idea, that in every lifetime that we have, there are certain people who will always have an effect on your life and be a part of it, in some way.

I, personally, believe in past lives and parallel universes.  I believe in the spirituality of the universe.  We may not always look the same, but we as people recognize souls we connect with.  I think that is what the sideways universe did for the characters.  With a touch, or a word, or a look, one was transformed to the true meaning of why they were in each other's lives.  I believe that all of us are put on this earth to teach each other about love.  Nothing else.  It is the events in our lives that cloud or enlighten our perception of these lessons.

I was greatly surprised to see characters I have not seen in a long time.  I do wonder why Michael and Walt weren't part of the ending, but it was okay that they weren't.  I loved that Hurley became the protector of the island, because for me, he embodied unconditional love for everyone.  Plus, to have the faith in Ben, so that Ben redeemed himself was fantastic.  Lastly, the final shot of the series was beautiful.  We heard Jack say in the pilot, we have to work together or we die alone.  He didn't.  He had Vincent by his side and we came full circle as Jack's eye closed for the last time.  As a viewer I felt I had become a fuller person for knowing these characters.  That I am thankful for.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Taking Off

Hi Everyone,

One of the things I love about my drive to and from work is that I must pass LAX on my way to work.  Now I know that most people would think that passing a major airport to your drive to work would be a major hassle, but it isn't.  I am digressing.  The thing I love about passing the airport is that the road I drive along runs parallel to one of the runways, so on my way to work I come face to face with airplanes landing only feet away from me.  I love seeing this huge aircraft slowly descend the sky to land on pavement.  I think the thing I love about it, is that I get the feeling of when I land somewhere I am going.

I love flying.  I love the feeling of traveling somewhere new, or going to a place where loved ones are.  I remember as a kid watching airplanes from the airport.  I used to imagine all the possible places each plane came from and where they were going.  It is really exciting and has a feeling of something majestic when you see the lights of a plane directly above you at night.  I would love to be able to thank the architect who designed LAX to be in the middle of everything because for me the experience of seeing the planes is fantastic!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Day After

Hi Everyone,

I have noticed that every time that I make a difficult and big decision the few days after I am very calm.  Eerily calm.  I don't know if it is my body in shock or if it is just a surrender of the inevitable.  I am not saying that I haven't had a few tears fall down my face, or I haven't eaten a dark chocolate almond Hershey bar, or I haven't really eaten anything besides that today.  What I am saying is that I feel as if I am on autopilot.

Does everyone go through this phase when they are put in a position of facing with reality?  I wonder, because I have seen it countless times on television and movies, but I am not sure it is a organic response that everyone has.  My ankle was tight this morning so I stretched and exercised and massaged the muscles but by 4PM my leg was in a lot of pain.  My boss Dave and my coworker Chelsi asked me what was wrong with my foot.  I have always been upfront and honest with my cerebral palsy to the point maybe too upfront.  I took both of them by surprise by announcing I had CP.

I never realize how unsettling or uncomfortable that might be for the person asking me what is wrong with my foot.  Most people believe I twisted my ankle.  When it comes to answering that question, I am always direct.  I find that if I am direct and open about it, I don't get questions later and if I do get questions later, they are about what cerebral palsy is.  The more people know about it, the better, I think.  Too many people are uncomfortable around people with CP that have a full blown case, what most people don't realize is that people with CP have a broken body, but a fully working mind.

Jen, just came home and while she was in Santa Monica, she came across pain relief patches being given out as samples and she took a bunch because she thought it might help with my foot.   Have I told you what a wonderful roommate I have?  She is so thoughtful and kind and such a great energy to be around, that I am very grateful to have found her.  I look forward to when she is home and vice versa.  We always sit around and talk about our day if either of us is home at a reasonable hour.  Plus, the two of us can talk for hours.  She has been a Godsend.

I also talked to my Aunt Peggy today, she knows a few doctors, that were Erin's doctors that maybe able to help me.  She also works at a school for the disabled that has doctors and therapists on staff so she is going to ask them if they know anything about effects of tendon transfer surgery.  Aunt Peggy has said, that many of the students have had the surgery I have had, so she is sure to get some information.  I am also going to apply for a program called MediCal.  It is similar to Medicaid, but different.  So I hope that I qualify, maybe it will give me the foot in the door that I need, pun intended.  Something good is going to come out of this experience, something always does, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Important Decisions

Hi Everyone,

This morning when I woke up I still had sharp pains in my foot and leg, where it makes it really hard for me to walk.  I am unable to push off with my toes because when I do I feel a sharp pain course up my leg and take a sharp intake of breath.  I have decided for now to focus on getting an office job, so that I can receive health insurance.  I am going to be putting my acting on hold for a bit until I can get some peace of mind over what is wrong with me.

I was talking to my mom today, asking her if the doctor ever said there would be side effects from the tendon transfer surgery.  She said all he mentioned was I might be flat footed.  I know that the pain does not come from the Cerebral Palsy but the tendon transfer surgery I had years ago.  I remember distinctly about a year ago feeling a tear in my foot and hearing a pop when I was working a double at Heartland Brewery, but I assumed it would heal itself.  It hasn't.

As I have been doing research about tendon transfer surgeries on the internet I am finding that many tendons tear from each other, so that another surgery is required to repair the tear.  I don't know if this is what  I have encountered, but I need to know for sure, because the pain I feel is terrifying me.  I need to know the cause, so I don't feel so helpless.  The feeling of helplessness has been compacted that I am alone here, in California.  All I really want is a hug or a shoulder to cry on, but I don't.  So I push down the feeling and try and cope the best way I know how, with the truth.

The truth of the matter is that I need some medical advice from a orthopedic specialist, who I can't afford right now.  The truth is, I have to take care of myself and keep my head high.  The truth is, I am an emotional wreck lately and know that I will have the support of family and friends, no matter what.  I don't know where this new road will lead, but I am sure I will be keeping you posted :)

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Waiting Game

Hi Everyone,

I don't really have much to say tonight.  I wrote a blog post on my other blog today.  I don't want to write about my job because that seems to be the only thing I write about lately, because my body still hasn't been able to adjust to working again.  I don't want to talk about how my foot really bothered me today that I was massively limping today and felt very self conscious.  I don't want to talk about how my limping brought my energy down so low, so fast that I haven't been able to recover since.  The pain is scaring the s**t out of me and it seems that no matter what stretches, exercises, ointments, or massages I do it doesn't get any better.

It doesn't help that I looked up tendon transfers on the internet and found that the tendon breaks over time and makes one limp and hurt and have to get more surgeries.  If I realized that when I was 17 I am not sure I would have gone through with it.  The good thing  about it all is that I am starting to put things into perspective.  Small ideas and pathways are opening up to me that I am going to explore in reference to getting health insurance, so that I can see a orthopedic doctor.  I am feeling a tightness in my chest and nausea over my fears of what I might find when I am able to see a doctor.  I don't want another surgery, I don't want to have to go through that kind of pain again and physical therapy.  That is down the road, but it still doesn't make me feel better.  I want to know what is wrong with me.  But I have to wait.  Waiting has to be the worst feeling in the world.  I will do it with patience and as much integrity as possible.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Training Night

Hi Everyone,

Today, I had to train one of the girls I work with to close down the restaurant.  Daytona, is the one who trained me and she wanted to know if I knew everything, so that if she wasn't working at night all of us would know how to close the restaurant.  I also have to train another girl tomorrow, outside in the beer garden.

We have been having uncharacteristic rain for the past few days and today was the first day without it, so we were a little busy.  I had to work the inside all by myself and Jessica and Daytona worked the Beer Garden.  I kept myself busy taking tables inside, plus playing expo to the kitchen and running out food for Daytona and Jessica.  It was nice to actually be moving around a lot.  I only made $20 but I was moving tonight so the shift went by a lot faster than it usually does.

I do like the people I work with, we all work pretty well together and we help each other out.  Tomorrow, I open the restaurant and train new people so that will keep me busy.  Next week I am going to begin getting back into acting again.  I have been lax in pushing for auditions and working extra work lately, but now that I know what I am dealing with at the restaurant I feel better about incorporating acting back into the schedule.  I will keep you posted.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sewing My Soul

Hi Everyone,

Today I walked to the Westside Pavilion, which is the nearest mall to me.  I walked throughout Barnes and Noble and came upon a book called, Shop Class as Soulcraft, by Matthew Crawford.  Now, for a few years I have had the urge to learn how to build furniture from scratch.  I have been frustrated by the high cost of crap furniture.  I want to have a beautifully made bed that is a reasonable price.  I saw this book and began to read how the author, who is Harvard educated and a P.H.D. to boot changed his lifestyle and opened his own plumbing and car mechanic shops.  From the jacket of the book, the author explains that he gets a lot more joy, use of his brain cells and human interaction as a "lowly" plumber, but he also argues that there is nothing embarrassing about knowing a trade.

Along, with my interest in learning wood work, I have also wanted to get back into sewing, knitting and croqueting.  I have never croqueted in my life that I can remember but there is something of a dead art in such things.   I would love to know how to use a sewing machine expertly and design my own pillows.  I found a Sewing Center in my neighborhood.  I haven't looked into it yet, but it is something I would like to explore.  As I get older, I find that I want to do things with my hands, I find that being in front of a computer all day, or being on my feet all day aren't as fulfilling as creating something.  A few days ago, I helped Jen put together a drawing table she bought for her room and I realized how much I enjoyed putting it together.  It wasn't difficult, it was soothing.  Plus, Jen and I were able to work talking or not talking, but either way the table came out really good.  When it was done there was a sense of accomplishment.

I'm not sure what I am searching for, but I hope that in the end I feel like I accomplished something of importance to me personally.  I find that a lot of the things I have accomplished were for the benefit of others and not me, so when I look back at the accomplishments I don't feel the sense of pride I think one should feel with their accomplishments.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, May 16, 2010

NOW!

Hi Everyone,

I worked the AM shift at the Garden today.  We opened at 11AM and didn't get our first customer until 2PM, then for 2 hours I was busy and then I wasn't.  The thing about this job is that I have to carry out the food and bus my tables when there is no busser.  The kitchen doesn't have a system yet, where everything is prepared together, so you take things out when they are ready, which isn't a system at all.  I am not sure how we are going to work that out, but we have another week before we officially open to figure that out.

Tomorrow, hopefully,  I will have time to stop by the Kitty Rescue.  I told Jen that I would take her to Marina Del Rey, to look around and she can see the sea lions that hang out on the rocks there with my awesome binoculars.  I have been working out a lot harder than I have recently and now I am craving Cold Stone Creamery, I think tomorrow I will give in.  Besides that I am looking forward to having a relaxing day.

I realize now that I work, I talk about what I am going to do days from now.  I don't really like that feeling, I feel as if I am not paying attention to what is going on right now.  This is the thing about a job, I begin planning ahead, but I don't even having anything going on now.  I am not making enough money to pay the bills, but I am envisioning things I can buy down the road and making a list of how I am going to delegate the money I make.  I am so busy thinking down the line, that I begin to stress myself out.  I have to take a breather and not think about the money at all, for now.  If anyone has any good ideas to stay in the now, that would be great.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Workaholic

Hi Everyone,

Recently, the weather in southern California has been unreasonably cold.  Today it was freezing.  I would say it was in the 50's, but since I have to wear shorts and a tank top to work, I was freezing.  Thankfully, I thought of bringing my Met's black zipped sweatshirt with me just in case.  We are still working out the kinks and how many people should be on in one shift.  This afternoon, we had 4 people on and it was too many.  I am still not making $50 a shift.  I know we have to figure out what we are going to do, but there are so many minds in the plan, that a decision can't seem to be made.

Or if it is made, it is changed the next day, by one of the other owners.  At the same time I am glad I have a job.  I know that this confusion is only temporary, but I hope that it soon is resolved.  I like mostly all the people I work with.  There is one person I need to take with a grain of salt because she is very "Money, money, money".  She is already complaining that she needs money, and gets upset when a table doesn't sit in her section.  I know that all of us were told that it would take a bit of time before we would see the money come in, that we would have to be patient.  I don't trust this co-worker is what I am saying.

I haven't been writing the other blog for the past few days, because I don't have time right now to research different organizations like I did before I had a job.  Now that I have 10 hours of my day taken up by this job I don't have much time for anything else.  I am having a bit of a time transitioning.  I am annoyed that I am too tired to research after I get home.  I enjoy trying to find feel good stories that might be useful or heart warming.  I look forward to writing the blogs, but lately I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open past 10PM.  I now have a workout in the morning, work, dinner, shower, I check my email, read a bit and then write the blog and I am down for the count.  And when I am not working I am at the Kitty Rescue volunteering.  Next week I am working another 6 days.  Again, I am feeling the intuitive sense that I am going to overdue it.  I always said when I was a kid, that I wouldn't be like my mom, a workaholic, but I have turned into her.  I have a very hard time saying no, if I don't have anything important going on.  I do put my foot down, when I have family functions to go to, because to me those will always be the most important, no matter what.  The funny thing is, I don't work for the money, I work so I have something to do.  I know it is crazy.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, May 14, 2010

Being Flexible

Hi Everyone,

I had to work the morning shift, which technically is the afternoon shift since the restaurant doesn't open until 11:00AM.  Since this week is still a training week.  There were 6 of us on because it was a shift all of us could work.  The owners asked us to come in whenever we could.  Well to make a long story short I got sent home at 2:30PM and so did 2 other servers.  The three other servers were the original servers before the restaurant became the Beer Garden.

I was told today that they are changing the uniform to be black now.  So I had to go to Kohl's and buy a black tank top and a black V neck T-shirt.  The owners are going to supply us with uniforms, but it is going to take a few more weeks before they come in.  Mike, one of the owners told me to buy white because he thought it would be better for working in the sun, but everyone else who works for the pizzeria wears black.  Sasha, another owner told me to get black T-shirts today.  I have to see I still have my black shoes from Heartland Brewery, if I don't I have to go buy some Keds too.

I want to give a shout out to my friend, Valerie, she is putting together the 2nd annual Bellefonte Arts Festival in Delaware this weekend.  Last year, I was able to attend the inaugural festival and am happy that it was a great success.  Valerie planned, organized and pulled off a great feat of getting together artist's from all over the area to advertise along the Main Street of Bellefonte, DE.  It was a huge block party with music, poetry readings, arts, crafts, massage therapists, antiques, jewelry, great food and wonderful people. I was glad that I could participate in such a day for Valerie and I am very proud of her.  I hope you realize that I am there in spirit.

Tomorrow there is a big Hot Rod and Auto show in El Segundo, so I hope that drums up some business, so that I don't have to be sent home early again.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Speaking the Truth

Hi Everyone,

Today was my glorious day off.  Since getting my job I have a little spring in my step.  A little more motivation.  A little more optimism.   It is a nice feeling.  Again I was at the beach doing my workout.  Seventeen years ago I had a tendon transfer in my right foot.  I was one of the few patients to have it done at the time.  Over the course of the past decade I haven't had any problems.  I did have a bamboo frond embedded in my ankle when I was in the Peace Corps through a freak accident, but no side effects of the accident could be determined.  Then, last year I began having sharp pains shoot up my foot through my leg when I became extremely stressed or was tired.  I have always had a slight limp, but the pain made the limp very noticeable.

My cerebral palsy has never been painful before.  Even with the leg braces I wore as a child, I never felt any everlasting pain.  I would experience blisters, calluses, and pinches as I outgrew my braces, but they always healed.  Also in the past few years I have been tripping over my right foot more often than usual.  As I get older, these events make me feel very uneasy.  I don't have health insurance, but I need it.  I would love to be able to go to an orthopedic doctor and be fitted for a leg brace again.  It would give me better peace of mind to know that I am forced to walk heel-toe.  I am not sure it would help with the pain, so that is why I am trying to strengthen my ankle.  I find that walking in the loose sand is a really good exercise for my whole leg.  The resistance of pushing off the loose sand makes my calf hurt.  The mounds and valleys on the beach keep my concentration on walking heel-toe.

It is a beautiful thing the human mind.  Sometimes it drives me crazy and other times I think I am invincible, sometimes in a period of a nano second.  I don't know if walking the beach will help in the long run, but it gives me peace of mind, that I am doing something to give my body strength.  The pain and tightness I feel in my right leg is nothing like the pain or tightness I feel on my left side when I work out.  The tightness is always there.   I could actually stretch for the rest of my life and never feel as if I will ever feel loose on my right side.  I think that is why I love stretching.  In a perverse way, I know that my disability gives me life.   I have never felt like a victim in my disability, thankfully, my family would not allow it, but I also can't imagine my life without cerebral palsy.  I don't think I would want to have a life without it.  I like the person I am and if that means I have cerebral palsy, so be it.

I didn't think this entry would manifest itself into a personal insight about how I feel about cerebral palsy.    For the past 5 months, I haven't been on my feet like I was in NYC and now I am back doing the same work and I find the pain returning.  It scares me because I don't know why I have the pain.  I wonder if the palm frond in Mali did have an effect on my surgery ten years after the accident.  What does it mean for the future?  Will it worsen or will it fade?  I realize that I have a very slight case of CP, that many people don't realize.  I want to know for certain if I have to think about what might happen as I age.  Will my balance be greatly affected?  What are my options?  It is a weight I carry.  That is why I walk the beach, because when I do, the ocean air, the seagulls, the waves crashing make me appreciate what I have, while doing what I need to do.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Slowly But Surely

Hi Everyone,

Today was my second day working the night shift at the Beer Garden.  We actually had people sit outside tonight and have dinner.  It was still a bit chilly, but the huge heaters went a long way tonight.  We did  have one out of two computers down, so that was a little getting used to, but I think I did okay.  We are still rotating our tables which is insane to me and hopefully we set up sections soon, like Friday when I have to work the lunch shift.  I am sure the weekend is going to be crazy! In a good way of course.

I went to the library yesterday and I am on a mystery kick.  So I got a mystery novel, a romance mystery novel and romance novel, because it is summer and I need some good summer books.  This morning I decided to go work out at the beach.  I walked briskly through the sand, or at least I tried to.  The great thing about that workout is that I had to concentrate and really try and stand up straight while pushing through the sand.  Then, as my cool down I walked along the shoreline where the sand is packed and wet.  It was glorious.  The water is getting warmer.  I am surprised that in just two weeks I can feel a difference.  I am so excited for the summer to arrive.  I realized yesterday, that I wrote a blog saying, that I would like to have a job outdoors and now I do.  How does that happen?  

I understand we are all living and that the universe is a living being also so that the energy I give off is the energy that will affect my life. I also believe in the power of prayer.  Maybe, I was intentionally praying when I wrote that, but I must of felt it strongly or wanted it more than I realized.  It is funny how things come together, right?  The restaurant is still a work in progress, but I am sure that I will be able to make money this summer.  Everything, hopefully will be worked out by Memorial Weekend when we officially open.  I think we will be fine.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

It's All Coming Back to Me Now!

Hi Everyone,

Today I worked the PM shift at work which is from 4-10PM.  It was very chilly here in CA today so no one wanted to sit outside even with the heaters, but  I am assured that the weather will be in the 80's this weekend where I will be working the day shifts Friday, Sat, and Sun.  The restaurants uniforms are blue jean shorts, skirt, or skort, white fitted t-shirt/tank top and white keds.  The Keds have given me a huge blister on the back of my heel which is not cool and they don't give much support when you are standing around for 6 hours, so what I am trying to say is my feet hurt.  Especially my left one with the blister.

I found out I have to leave a few minutes earlier when I work the PM shift because of the beginnings of rush hour.  Before I went to work I went to Kohl's and bought some sheets for my bed.  It was buy one get one free...okay.  I also bought another pair of jeans and a white t-shirt for work and a new summer blouse.  My sister had given me a $50 gift card to Kohl's so I put it to good use.  I can't wait to change my sheets and sleep on really soft ones.  The sheet I do have are 150 count Target sheets I got for $14.99 LOL!  The new ones I got are 400 thread and santeen.

I am back to working the night shift tomorrow.  My only day off this week is Thursday, so I am sure I will go to the Kitten Rescue then.  I will be glad when I finally have a schedule that is permanent so that I don't burn myself out.  I always go full throttle into new things, so I have to be careful not to over do it.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, May 10, 2010

First Day

Hi Everyone,

Today was my first day training at the Beer Garden in El Segundo.  El Segundo is the first town south of LAX.  When I drive along Sepulveda Blvd in El Segundo I pass companies like Boeing and huge engineering firms.  As I drove off of Sepulveda toward the town of El Segundo I was pleasantly surprised to find myself in a quaint little town.

The Beer Garden is off of Main Street and is connected to Vinny's Pizzeria.  There are 26 beers on tap and we offer pizza, salads, and sandwiches.  There were four of us training today.  We had to learn the computer, the table numbers and figure out the kinks within the workspace.  I ended up having 4 tables for the day and made a whopping $10 dollars.  We aren't officially opening until Memorial Day weekend.  The owners are sure by then the word of mouth would be good and we will start making money.  We also have a guy who is going to sing and play acoustic guitar during the weekends.

The hours are fantastic.   We open at 11am and close at 10PM every night because the town has a curfew on alcohol.  So thankfully, I don't have to expect to be at work for 14 hours like I used to in NYC on the weekends if I was working a double.  The gentlemen that own the place, Mike, Alex and Dan seem really nice and they are very patient.  They were open to any suggestions we had and were learning everything we were.  It was a really "soft" open today.

Tomorrow, I work the night shift.  They want us to train all this week, so I picked Tuesday and Wednesday to work the night shift and Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the day shift.  I am not sure if our schedules are going to be changing every week or if we will have a set schedule.  Either way, I don't care at the moment because I am glad to have a job.  Mike said that they are going to close down the Beer Garden and Vinny's in Oct. for a renovation, but we all are going to be redirected to different restaurants he owns at that time, so we all have job security.  The first day went really well and I am looking forward to seeing how the night shift will be tomorrow.

Until then.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,
Tara

Sunday, May 9, 2010

BBQ Time in the O.C.

Hi Everyone,

It has been a busy two days.  I got my uniform or I should say my jean shorts and white fitted t-shirt for work tomorrow.  I also got to hang out with Robert and my Aunt Peggy.  Robert took us to Laguna Beach.  We traveled by the Pacific Coast Highway which was fantastic.  It seems that in Orange County the beach is right along the highway like you would expect.  It was crazy looking at the property down in Orange County.  I seriously did feel as if I was on the television show The O.C.  A lot of the houses are up in on the hill overlooking the ocean.  The beaches are smaller here than L.A.  We traveled through Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, and Laguna.  We had lunch at a Irish Pub famous along the beaches here, called Hennessey's.  Then my Aunt and I went shopping around Laguna Beach while Robert watched the Lakers.

I bought this fantastic, colorful, playful dress in this little boutique.  Laguna Beach was hopping yesterday because the weather was beautiful.  All the shops are little boutiques that are lined up together and remind me of any beach town, it was just not as worn down looking as East Coast beach towns.  I could see the money that is Laguna Beach.  It is a gorgeous town and I would definitely go back just so that I can explore a little more and maybe hike along state park trails and within the hills.

Today, the cousins and their girlfriends all came over to Robert's to have a BBQ for Mother's Day.  We pigged out on hot dogs, hamburgers and Italian sausage.  It was delicious.  We all had a good time and got to hang out all day.  Right now I am exhausted and can't wait to lay down.  I have my first day at "work" tomorrow.  I am excited.  I hope I do well.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Daring to Hope

Hi Everyone,

I am writing this post way early because I need to meet my aunt at 1PM to be on our way to my cousin Robert's house in Orange County.  I am going to be staying over and then we are having a BBQ with everyone for Mother's Day.  It should be a lot of fun.  I have never been to Robert's so I am excited.

I am also excited because I have a job to go to on Monday.  Jerry, the manager I met last week forwarded my info to Mike who is opening a Beer Garden in El Segundo.  It is having a soft open on Monday and I am going to be trained that day.  I have to go buy some clothes because it is really low maintenance and casual.  Mike isn't sure how it is going to take off, so he has warned me not to expect too much.  I am just glad to have somewhere to go and do something for a bit and make some money.  I will keep you posted.  I  also have resolved my IRA surprise and everything should be fixed soon.  I hope that what is looking up today stays that way for a while.

For all the mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day!  I hope you have a great one!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, May 7, 2010

Keeping My Cool

Hi Everyone,

Today was one of those days, that should of pissed me off, but didn't.  First this morning I got into the shower and slipped and banged my knee pretty bad.  I haven't seen anything that swollen in a long time or that black and blue too.  So I sat with ice on it for half the morning.  Then I scraped my thigh pretty good with God knows what and it took a bit to stop bleeding.  Now I have a bug bite on it and it itches like crazy but I am doing everything I can to leave it alone.  Next, I got a letter from my old bank saying that my brokerage account is being closed because the bank has decided to exit the brokerage market.  They say I have to have the funds out by April 30th, 2010.  I waited on the phone for an hour before I hung up and decided to callback tomorrow.  Also I still haven't received my registration for my car or my title.  I only have 90 days before my temporary registration expires on May 14th.  I had called the dealership last Sunday and the owner who is in charge of registration and titles said I should call back today because the DMV said they sent out the info, but the dealership had not received it yet.  I called back today three times and left messages each time and the owner did not call me back.

I don't know why I am not angry as I would normally be about such things and usually think days like today warrant an alcoholic drink.  I might be in denial.  I might be looking the other way subconsciously.  I might have a large dose of patience for once.  Either way, I feel weird being this calm about it all.  As I am writing this I am aware of the throb of my knee, the burn of my scraped thigh and have a list next to my computer of the calls I need to make before I go over to my Aunt's house tomorrow.  I hope that all of this works in my favor and with patience I think it will.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, May 6, 2010

You Can't Always Have What Your Craving For

Hi Everyone,

I am having a craving for an In N Out burger.  I have never had an In N Out burger.  I have just been told that they are the greatest burgers that fast food restaurants can offer.  How is it that I can have a craving for something I have never tasted before, but somehow my body knows that I am going to love it as soon as I do?  We don't have In N Out burgers in NYC, we have White Castle.  It seems that In N Out and White Castle are unknown to people that have not been to whatever coast each of them come from.

I have never heard of In N Out until I went to Las Vegas 10 years ago and even then we didn't try the infamous burger because it was seen as some sort of infidelity.  I have been told that what makes the burger is the sauce, which is ketchup and mayonnaise, or as I like to say, "Russian Dressing?"  It is now 11PM and Jen asked me if I wanted In N Out right now, because her friend, Juan wants to try it before he leaves for Colombia in a few days.  I was tempted but I was afraid I would have nightmares from eating so late.

It is funny how when I was younger I could get drunk and sleep like a zombie for 12 hours.  Now if I drink I am lucky if I am able to sleep 2 because I begin to sweat and have awfully strange dreams.  I also find that if I eat and go to bed on a full stomach the same happens.  Why?  What happened to my body in the last 10 years to warrant such a change?  Have I been that awful to you, body?  If I have, I apologize.  I do thank you because I can still drink coffee at anytime in the day and fall asleep fine.

So one of these days I will treat myself to an infamous West Coast In N Out burger and I will compare it to my favorite burger, Wendy's.  I love the square, saltiness of the Wendy's burger and that they put enough ketchup on it to use on my fries too.  I better go to bed soon, or I will be making a late night run and be up until tomorrow morning.

Until then.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Back to Normal

Hi Everyone,

Jen came home tonight from her three week vacation in Taiwan.  Her friend, Juan who went with her is going to stay for a few more days in California, so he is staying with us too.  Jen seems as if she had a good time, but didn't want to leave so soon.  Isn't that the way it always happens?

Whenever I go visit my family or I am on a vacation with my girlfriends, it always goes by so quickly.  I wonder where the time has gone and when I think back on things we did only some things stand out.  It was more that I enjoyed the company I was in and the little things are what mattered.  I notice that on my favorite vacations or family gatherings it was the laughter and the stories that go along with the trip that make it so enjoyable.

I think that is why I don't want to travel alone ever again.  I have memories of my trips but they weren't shared with anyone.  It was lonely and got boring on some nights because I was bored.  What I will remember about my year of travel that was 2009 is that I hold a special place in my heart for Alaska and Chicago.  Alaska is where my mother, father, sister and I had some good laughs, met really nice people and were able to try different things.  Chicago was where I got to reconnect with Peace Corps friends I will always be connected to, just because of our shared experience.  There is always a certain loyalty or respect for each other we hold because we all trained together.

I hope the next time Jen travels back to Taiwan she is able to spend more time with her family.  I understand the conflicting emotions she feels at the moment.  I am sure as soon as classes begin again it will be easier on her.  Still I am glad she is back.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Lights on Broadway

Hi Everyone,

I was reading my most recent issue of Entertainment Weekly and got a ping of homesickness for NYC.  It was because of the Broadway shows that have opened recently, that I would love to have seen.  Fences by August Wilson, which is my favorite of his plays is now on Broadway starring, Denzel Washington and Viola Davis.  Everyone knows who Denzel is, and Viola Davis gave a fantastic performance in the movie Doubt with just one scene.  When I read articles of productions like this, I get excited.  Like Christmas morning excited and I find an Easy Bake Oven under the tree, excited.  I get excited when movie stars do theatre work because I truly believe that theatre is where all actors found out they loved to be an actor.  When I was 5 my kindergarten class put on a Christmas/Hanukkah show and I had so much fun!  I loved it.  Then came dance recitals and school plays.  I was hooked.

Also, Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth are in a new musical, Promises, Promises based on the movie The Apartment.  The great thing about the musical is that it has songs I already know and grew up on listening to the Motown music stations.  Plus, I always like to watch actors and actresses that are considered theatre "greats" perform.  What is it about them that stands out?  Do I feel the same way?

For instance, I saw the play Frost/Nixon multiple times and I am still floored by Frank Langella and Michael Sheen.  Now, if they are on TV or in a movie I watch them no matter what.  I have always wanted to see Angela Landsbury on Broadway, but never got the chance.  I also never got the chance to see Bernadette Peters, even though I bumped into her 3 times while living in NYC.  I am afraid that she has retired.  I did get to see Patti Lupone in Sweeney Todd.  Of course I wish I saw her in Evita or Les Miserable, but I couldn't complain with Todd.  Another actress I would have loved to see was Dorothy Loudon, Mrs. Hannigan from the original cast of Annie.  I used to have the album, it was my first record as a kid.  She had such a voice, that was raspy and strong.  I loved it.  And then of course there is my all time favorite singer, Julie Andrews.  I wasn't born early enough to see her on Broadway, so I live through her movies.  I could listen to her all day.

One day I will star on Broadway and perform eight shows a week.  I have to give back what Broadway gave to me, right?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, May 3, 2010

What May Come

Hi Everyone,

There are two sides of me that I war with on a regular basis.  There is the creative Tara that loves to act and enjoys the process of being an actor.  Then, there is the idealist Tara, who wants to help people on an international scale.  They are very different from one another.  I have since realized that I volunteer here and there to help quench that urge of working with others.  I am jealous of Angelina Jolie, because she has the life I would love to lead.

She is a successful actress, who is also the UN Goodwill Ambassador and works with refugees and focuses on underprivileged children.  She also has adopted children and has children of her own.  I would want to be married, but besides that she has everything I wish my life would be like.

Today, I began looking at Federal Jobs.  I am focusing on California, but I am not limiting my search to just one area.  If I get hired and have to go overseas, I would be okay with that.  Knowing that federal jobs are difficult and take time to be hired, I am just getting those options out there.  I am not going to depend on it.  When I applied to the Peace Corps it took me a full year from application to being a volunteer.

I am making sure that any of the position I apply for are for the right reasons.  I did learn one lesson from the Peace Corps.  I didn't go into it for the right reasons.  I learned a lot about myself and I think in hindsight it has been a wonderful experience for me as a grown up.

I love being an actor, but right now I have to focus on living my life and if it means that I have to have a 40 hour job to pay the bills anyway I can get it, I will do that.  I did learn from moving out here without a job that, it probably wasn't the greatest idea.  So I am going to make this experience a good one.  I am going to apply for jobs that get it done.  My dream is to be an actor.  My dream is to help children in underprivileged countries.  I haven't hit the scale of success that Angelina has, but maybe I can do it by being an ambassador first, then an actor.  I have got to try.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

My Love for the Amazing Race

Hi Everyone,

One of my favorite shows on television is The Amazing Race.  I have watched every season since it started 7 or 8 years ago.  I love it so much that a friend and I submitted a tape not so long ago hoping for a chance to participate. I have to commend this season's teams.  This whole game most of them have played fair and each of them cheer the others on when they leave each obstacle.  Not all the teams do this, but a lot of them did.  Two of my favorite teams are "The Cowboys" and "The Cops".  They have had to be the most laid back teams.  You as a viewer do not see either of the teammates get upset with the other.  Both of them are in the race for the right reasons.

Of course they want o win a million dollars.  Of course they are competitive.  But the keep their cool in hot situations and have been enjoying the race for what it is, a competition.  In reality television their is so much backstabbing and conniving that the true competition is overshadowed by it.  As my dad said this morning, "It is refreshing to see teams that are in it for the true sense of competition."  The Cowboys and The Cops show viewers that even by playing the game fairly and cheering each other on makes for a good competition.

Sadly The Cops got eliminated tonight.  The show has come down to its last three competitors.  I am rooting for The Cowboys.  They have been the most enjoyable to watch for me.  With their cowboy hats, good manners, patience and humor they embody America and everything that comes with it.  For two men that are pretty young, they have it all together and act years far ahead of their age.  They have an innocence and drive that seems as if it should cancel each other out, but it only adds to their appeal.  They are genuinely polite men, who say, "Oh my gravy."  They are very secure in their skin and they understand the meaning of a good competition.  I haven't heard them backstab another team, but give encouragement to the other teams.

Next week is the finale, so my thoughts on The Cowboys I don't think are going to change.  But if The Cowboys don't win, you will surely hear me cursing the television in anger, because I am not beneath being a sore loser, even though I look up to The Cowboys for showing the true meaning of competition. I am sure that is the reason I love that team so, because they embody everything I hope I can be.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

p.s. Happy Birthday Kristin!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Getting Out My Frustrations II

Hi Everyone,

Two days ago I wrote a blog post titled, Getting Out My Frustrations.  I was really in a bad mood when I wrote it and didn't go into my frustrations too much.  Now that I have had a few days to think over it I have come to some conclusions.  The defining similarity in all three of my gripes is that everyone believes they are the victim in each case.

Today hundreds of thousands of people marched in L.A. against the Immigration Law in Arizona.  One person they interviewed hit it right on the head, this country wouldn't be in the state it is in if the federal government paid attention to immigrant and immigrant reform.  I agree.  What I don't agree with are the illegal immigrants living here, taking jobs and health care.  There were many signs during the protest that said "I wouldn't be here illegally if America made me legal".  That makes my blood boil.  I like to follow the rules, I can't stand when others don't and get away with it.  I understand there is plenty of red tape and there are years ahead of you becoming a citizen, but why can't you get a working visa?  Why can't you go through the steps of being a citizen?  Why can't you get your green card?  I have a lot of friends who do everything possible so that they are in this country legally.  They make sure that everything is signed and that every I is dotted and every T is crossed.  I get that immigrants and children of immigrants are frustrated, but so are the people who live here.  It is a very fine line that we must tread.  We are a country that is built on immigration.  We hold our freedoms and liberties high, what gets me going is that I feel we are being taken advantage of as a country by immigrants that don't want to play by the rules.  Arizona is on the border of Mexico, where Americans are being killed 5 miles from the border because of a drug war.  Like I said, in my post before, I don't believe Arizona is handling it the right way, but the state isn't getting any support from Washington.  I would take great measures to ensure that the citizens of Arizona are protected.  I also understand that this isn't all about Mexico either.  It is about immigrants who are here illegally acting as if they are the victim.  We have these laws in place so that our citizens aren't run over by illegal immigrants taking what is legally ours.

Which brings me to Rielle Hunter and all other women who have had affairs with high profile married men recently and telling their story.  I am not sure how these women see themselves as the victim in the whole mess.  I cannot believe the delusion these women live under that what they did had nothing to do with them.  They were just a pawn in the game.  You have a brain, right?  You can make a decision?  It is a two way street.  You danced the dance together.  Which in my book makes you just as responsible and heinous as the man.   I feel bad for Hunter's daughter, because you know that she gave no thought to John Edward's young children when they began the affair and they way that she was on Oprah was very controlled and calculated.  I can't see the child getting any sympathy or love from that woman unless it benefits Hunter.  I also can't imagine what her daughter is going to grow into and if she will be surrounded by lies.  There is nowhere in the U.S. Hunter can go, without someone knowing who she is.  Her daughter is going to have to live with her parents decision for the rest of her life.  It makes me sad, how often this has been occurring of late.  People use being a victim as their excuse so often now, that I have no sympathy for real victims because I have become so jaded and angry at the people who have so much and act as a victim.  

I feel the Boy Scouts are becoming the victim of not being prevalent enough in society, so they have decided to add the video game patch to the list of accomplishments.  I think the Boy Scouts are taking the idea the wrong way.  I think they have been too slow in adapting to what boys are doing now.  Too little, too late.  It was a risky idea.  It was a well meaning idea.  The boys have to research prices and appropriateness of the video game.  They also have to make a schedule where they can fit playing the video game into their lives, so that their lives don't revolve around it.  I get it.  But like I said before, I think it goes against everything the Boy Scouts stands for.  It gives the boys an excuse to play video games.  Good try, but I still think it is a bad idea.

Any idea that lets people use the excuse to take advantage of the parents, government, or the public gets me going.  I am old school in my thinking.  I believe in respect for your elders, honest hard work and love in family.  Recently I have seen so many people disrespect elders, talk about how they have been wronged and do things without consideration for others.  I try and live by what I believe and hopefully I am doing it.  They always say that change, comes from one person having the courage to act.  Here I go.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara