Sunday, April 25, 2010

Healing Slowly

Hi Everyone,

Last night and today I got to hang out with my Aunt Peggy.  Since my cousin passed away in November she has been dealing with Erin's death with grace and strength.  I am not saying that she doesn't have her bad days, she does, just like anyone else would.  She is working through being alone after taking care of her severely handicapped daughter for 32 years.   So this weekend I spent the weekend with her.  I think she needed to have someone who would listen to her.  Let her talk.  Voice her worries and sadness.  My aunt is hard on herself, which I relate to, I also know she needs time.

A lot of people I think, don't give themselves or loved ones the time they need to grieve and contemplate life.  It is a transition.  It is a gradual acceptance of loss.  One must always let themselves feel the loss, sadness, anger, fear, jealousy and everything else that comes along with death of a loved one.  I hear so many people say, "You need to get out."  Going out is a distraction.  I think a better thing to say is, "You need to bathe."  or "You need to make your bed."  I am not speaking of my aunt specifically when I rattle off these sentences in my head, but as I was talking to my aunt she said, she gets calls sometimes from friends saying she needs to go out, and what they mean is go to a bar or a show, my aunt has no interest in doing that.  She never did.  She focuses on surviving, because for her that is exactly what life feels like now.

My question is, Why is it such a bad thing to our society to feel depression and loss?  Why is it such a unhealthy thing for someone to feel for a long period of time?  Please don't misunderstand, I am asking about depression in the sense of death or the circle of life.  It is a natural process that must not be ignored or put aside.  When a parent loses a child, it is categorized as the greatest loss a human can ever feel.  That loss affects the parents for the rest of their lives and also affects the dynamics of the family.

My aunt is by herself.  Her boys are grown men.  She is single.  I have a lot of respect and compassion for her.  She is surviving the best way she knows how and even then she questions it and worries that she is going to be okay.  I will never know what she is going through, but I can listen while she works through her grief.  Spending the weekend with her was glorious.  She is so giving and easy to have a good laugh with.  For instance, we went to an vegetarian restaurant for dinner and my aunt says, "Tara do you smell something burning?"  I look over and her menu is over the candle on the table, the plastic is burning away.  We couldn't move we were laughing so hard.

I pray that my aunt can catch a break soon.  She deserves it.  She has been dealt a lot in her life and deserves some happiness that is lasting.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

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