Today I am writing a lot earlier than I usually do because I am going over to my aunt's house this evening and won't be able to post tonight. This morning is my last morning for eating whatever I want. It is time to get ready for summer. I have decided that this summer I am going to buy myself a bikini for the first time in 30 years. I have never been one to wear a two piece, but since I won't have many more years left of bikini wearing I thought I would dare to do it this year.
Plus, when I go down to Santa Monica and see women who are happy with their bodies, no matter what the size I get empowered. What is it about myself that can't let myself rock what I have got? Right? I haven't ever identified with "Girl Power" or feminism. I didn't see the need to assert my voice when it came to that. But as I get older I see the benefit of being proud of being a woman. Proud to be where I am because of women before me. I get it. It hasn't been until recently that I began to get it. What has always been important to me was that I was/am doing things that make me happy. It is very important to me to do something important. That is why the Peace Corps interested me. That is why writing and acting interest me. I see a benefit from doing these things that affect the world around me. I can tell you with all honesty that everyone of my Peace Corps teammates wanted to change the world, some how. We saw that we had the capability to do something bigger than ourselves, that would affect others and ourselves for the rest of our lives.
Acting and writing is also doing something bigger than myself on a more intimate scale. The two mediums speak to me. When I see a play or read a book, I personally invest myself in those worlds. The messages that come through each of those artforms hit me in the gut and affect my heart. It also gets me thinking. I can't say that insects, or medicine, or food or any other form of interest gets my juices flowing or communicates to me with such passion as acting and writing. Each of us has things that speak to us more strongly than others. I keep feeling a need to do things that out of my comfort zone. Mostly, that comes from finding a job. I have been applying for everything and anything. I am very uncomfortable about it, but I do it. Sometimes you have to do something that scares you or makes you uncomfortable to find out who you are. Eleanor Roosevelt has a famous quote where she says, that she does something that scares her each day. I think that is fantastic! She had balls. I find that I respect women who did what they wanted to do, no matter what society said. Women like Clara Barton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Edith Wharton, Queen Victoria. They did what they needed to do to feel as if they were the person they were meant to be. I know lately I have been neglecting my intuitive feelings about things due to my fear of rejection or my insecurities, but not anymore. My life should be filled with happiness and promise. I owe that to myself. So here is to facing my terror and rocking that bikini!
Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.
All my love,