Friday, April 30, 2010

Back to the Drawing Board

Hi Everyone,

I was a little premature in mentioning my cousin getting me a job.  I went to RockNFish in Manhattan Beach with Kevin and I talked to Jerry.  I gave him my resume and then he proceeded to tell me it is a summer position for 2 shifts a week.  I would work from 7PM-10PM as the break server.  But the General Manager has other interviews she would like to do and if I am hired that is what I would be expected to work.  So, I went from having a job to maybe having a job.  Jerry didn't make me fill out an application,  so I don't feel so good about it.  Kevin got mad because he said that Jerry "owed" him one, but it seems in California that doesn't mean jack.  So I am back to looking for a job once again.  If Jerry calls it will be next week he said.  Tomorrow, I am going to the Kitty Rescue Orientation.  I signed up to volunteer a few weeks ago.  I am looking forward to it.  I hope to be able to interact with the kitty cats and meet some new people.

I feel very blah lately.  I don't really have any feeling about anything.  I realize that I am falling into one of my depressions, but I really do try and fight it all the way.  I am glad that I am getting out of the house to do something I enjoy for nothing.  It is hard to go out when I don't have money, so I am trying to find ways to get out for free.  I am getting tired of going to Borders,  the library and the beach because I do all of those things by myself and right now I am with myself way too much LOL!  I am excited to meet new people.  I signed up for the website Meetup.com, but a lot of those meet ups would cost me money.  Maybe I will start a hiking club on Meetup.com and see how many other people would like to come with me.  Maybe I will use the CityWalk cards and make it a meet up.  I think that is a good idea I just came up with. I will keep you posted.

I am not going to post anything on my eastcoastgirloutwest blog tonight.  I am having trouble with my internet connection and I am falling asleep as I write this.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Getting Out My Frustrations

Hi Everyone,

I have some random thoughts that I am titling, What is this world coming to:

1.  Boy scouts now get badges for video games.  Hmmmm, I thought the Boy Scouts were about teaching young boys how to be resourceful.  To teach them how to survive in the great outdoors.  To develop bonds with others that would influence them as they grow.  The badges are a way of showing their progress.  A badge on video games says to me that the organization is trying to be "cool".  Numbers must be down.  I wouldn't be surprised if they start replacing the pinewood derbies with texting competitons in the next decade.  I am only slightly joking.  I've noticed a huge divide between how I grew up and the way my sister grew up.  I find that I see the world a lot like my parents, where people 4-8 years younger than I see it very differently.  It is a strong divide and I am afraid that it's the kids that lose out on everything.  That is a different post entirely.

2.  When did sex become an addiction?  And when did women who have married men's babies begin thinking they aren't homewreckers?  Either way, man or woman, you are a disgusting.  When did our society begin thinking we can get away with such actions with dignity?  Where did our morals and self respect go?  Did we ever have any?  I have to cool down to write a objective post on that.

3.  Is the bill that was passed in Arizona on immigration so bad?  Four months ago I would have been against the bill, but now that I have seen the droves of immigrants that pile into trucks to be driven to jobs when I can't find one, I don't think it is such a bad idea.  Arizona, California, Texas, New Mexico have a difficult problem that they haven't been able to solve.  I don't think Arizona is going about it the right way, but I would like to see the numbers in the future in comparison to the past and see if it worked.  The good thing about having a democracy is that they can amend the bill or change it.  Yes, it is political and can take a long time for anything to go through, but I believe in this country.  The United States has one of the most lax and/or the "nicest" immigration systems in the world and many countries know it.  I think Arizona has had enough, they don't want to be taken advantage of anymore.  I can respect that, even if I don't agree with the way they are going about it.

4.  I grew up Catholic.  I am tired of hearing about how the Pope didn't know about all the abuse going on.  Please.  I think the church should get rid of the Pope.  I also think that the church should let women become priests if they want and why not let priests get married.  What is wrong with giving the nuns more control?  The church is falling apart.  I am not saying to rewrite the religion, I am  suggesting new solutions to a very serious problem.  The only comfort I get in hearing about the church problems is that I know that God pays attention.  The lives of these priests won't be great forever.  They will have to confront their sins sooner or later.

So as you can see I only watched CNN for a half hour and I was mad at the world.  It all hit me the wrong way today.  I also think that as a society we have to start asking ourselves how we want to live our lives.  Are we becoming so bogged down in technology that we don't have time for responsibility, respect, love and human interaction?   Yes, my childhood wasn't perfect, but I learned family is most important.  I learned that I had to put effort into everything I dream or wish for myself.  I learned that I have more power by being true to myself.  I learned that if I treat others with respect I will be respected.  That my actions speak louder than words.  What do the actions of America as a whole say about us?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

New Places

Hi Everyone,

Today I drove back down to Redondo Beach and submitted a few applications and my resume to a few restaurants on the pier there.  It is really nice down there.  I have never been to the Redondo Beach Pier.  It is alot bigger than the Santa Monica Pier and it trails for a few blocks.  Most of the restaurants didn't open until the evening, so I will have to go back and submit at a later time in the day.  It seems that most of the restaurants are only open for dinner during this season.  I can't imagine what it would be like in the summer.

On the way home, I followed the Pacific Coast Highway which turns into Sepulveda Blvd,  so if I ever get stuck in traffic on the freeway I know the way there by the streets.  I can't believe that it is already May!  I am not sure where the time goes!  I am really looking forward to the summer here in California.  The ocean is still a little too cold to take a dip in, even though a lot of people do.  I am looking forward to kayaking and learning to paddle board.

I am hoping that I find a job that lets me work outside during the summer.  I always am jealous of the workers who get to enjoy the sunshine during the summer.  I wouldn't mind having a job year round where I am outside since I moved here.  I wouldn't have wanted an outside job on the East Coast, but here the weather is so predictable except for a few rain days here and there.  I will keep you posted on the job front.

Until tomorrow.  When it will be sunny.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Family Reunion Part Deux

Hi Everyone,

Today, I got to see my Aunt Lynda and Uncle Joe while they were visiting L.A. from Las Vegas.  They were in town for a birthday of my uncle's friend.  I got to meet up with them and we all went to see my Aunt Peggy and my cousins Robert, Brian and Kevin.  Uncle Joe and Aunt Lynda used to live in Redondo Beach before they moved to Las Vegas, so my cousins grew up with them and my other cousins, Michael and Shauna.  It is fun to watch the connection that my cousins have to my aunt and uncle, because my siblings and I only saw my relatives on the West Coast once a year, maybe.

My family has a different dynamic with everyone because of the distance.  The good thing is that we all love to laugh.  We are all good natured and love to tease each other.  Plus I got to listen to stories I didn't know.  My dynamic with my cousins is nice.  Kevin the youngest is a sweetheart.  He remembers things I forgot I mentioned.  For instance, last Thursday, he called me because he remembered it was the last night of my show and he wanted to wish me luck.  Brian, is very easy to talk to and will sit around the table to do so.  Robert is the oldest and I think had the most responsibility.  We are very similar in our temperment. Out of each of our families I believe that we are the hardest to get to know.  I know that my brother and sister are fantastic with people.  They talk to people.  I really don't care to talk to people if I don't have to do it.  I don't trust people right away.  I would rather watch before I start a conversation.  A lot of people that are good friends now have said that it took a long time for me to open up.  I don't know Robert, and I really haven't gone out of my way to get to know him yet.  I will.

My Uncle Joe got me an application to a deli that they stopped by for Italian cookies.  It was nice to know he was looking out for me.  So I filled that out and will drop it off tomorrow.  It was good to be around family I don't usually get to see often.  That is the best part about moving out to California, I get to be around family often.  I have never been around family that is only 20 minutes away.  It is a concept I am quickly getting used to.  I like it.  I like that I am only a 5 hour drive or a 45 minute flight away from most of the rest of my family.  Now I have to convince my brother and sister to move closer. Ha, that would never happen, but a girl can wish!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, April 26, 2010

Figuring Out What Makes Me Tick in L.A.

Hi Everyone,

This past weekend my sister went to NYC to celebrate her boyfriend's birthday.  She called me for advice on where they should go to eat and what show they might like.  I suggested Avenue Q and this great French restaurant Chez Napolean on W. 50th Street between 8th and 9th Ave.  Megan called me tonight to tell me the weekend was a great success.  I was thrilled.  The one thing I miss about NYC is the ability to see such great live shows and having the ability to pick from so many.  L.A. has two main theatres where you can see Broadway shows.

I saw Avenue Q 4 times when I lived in NYC.  I saw Frost Nixon 4 times and Doubt 5 times.  I saw 39 Steps which was fantastic and Putnam Spelling Bee before it retired.  I got to watch Cate Blanchett at BAM work alongside Hugo Weaving in the Sydney Theatre Company's version of Hedda Gabler.  I am sure there are great shows all around L.A. they just don't have the resources or the clout to advertise.  Plus this is Tinseltown, not the Great White Way.

I am glad that my sister has NYC so close by to take advantage of what the city has to offer.  I realize that I have to find what it is in L.A. that makes my heart go pitter patter.  L.A. is a big club town.  I have never been a club person.  I also haven't been a big bar person either, so I used theatre as my night on the town in NYC I can't do that so much in L.A.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I would love to hear some.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Healing Slowly

Hi Everyone,

Last night and today I got to hang out with my Aunt Peggy.  Since my cousin passed away in November she has been dealing with Erin's death with grace and strength.  I am not saying that she doesn't have her bad days, she does, just like anyone else would.  She is working through being alone after taking care of her severely handicapped daughter for 32 years.   So this weekend I spent the weekend with her.  I think she needed to have someone who would listen to her.  Let her talk.  Voice her worries and sadness.  My aunt is hard on herself, which I relate to, I also know she needs time.

A lot of people I think, don't give themselves or loved ones the time they need to grieve and contemplate life.  It is a transition.  It is a gradual acceptance of loss.  One must always let themselves feel the loss, sadness, anger, fear, jealousy and everything else that comes along with death of a loved one.  I hear so many people say, "You need to get out."  Going out is a distraction.  I think a better thing to say is, "You need to bathe."  or "You need to make your bed."  I am not speaking of my aunt specifically when I rattle off these sentences in my head, but as I was talking to my aunt she said, she gets calls sometimes from friends saying she needs to go out, and what they mean is go to a bar or a show, my aunt has no interest in doing that.  She never did.  She focuses on surviving, because for her that is exactly what life feels like now.

My question is, Why is it such a bad thing to our society to feel depression and loss?  Why is it such a unhealthy thing for someone to feel for a long period of time?  Please don't misunderstand, I am asking about depression in the sense of death or the circle of life.  It is a natural process that must not be ignored or put aside.  When a parent loses a child, it is categorized as the greatest loss a human can ever feel.  That loss affects the parents for the rest of their lives and also affects the dynamics of the family.

My aunt is by herself.  Her boys are grown men.  She is single.  I have a lot of respect and compassion for her.  She is surviving the best way she knows how and even then she questions it and worries that she is going to be okay.  I will never know what she is going through, but I can listen while she works through her grief.  Spending the weekend with her was glorious.  She is so giving and easy to have a good laugh with.  For instance, we went to an vegetarian restaurant for dinner and my aunt says, "Tara do you smell something burning?"  I look over and her menu is over the candle on the table, the plastic is burning away.  We couldn't move we were laughing so hard.

I pray that my aunt can catch a break soon.  She deserves it.  She has been dealt a lot in her life and deserves some happiness that is lasting.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, April 24, 2010

C'est La Vie

Hi Everyone,

Today I am writing a lot earlier than I usually do because I am going over to my aunt's house this evening and won't be able to post tonight.  This morning is my last morning for eating whatever I want.  It is time to get ready for summer.  I have decided that this summer I am going to buy myself a bikini for the first time in 30 years.  I have never been one to wear a two piece, but since I won't have many more years left of bikini wearing I thought I would dare to do it this year.

Plus, when I go down to Santa Monica and see women who are happy with their bodies, no matter what the size I get empowered.  What is it about myself that can't let myself rock what I have got?  Right?  I haven't ever identified with "Girl Power" or feminism.  I didn't see the need to assert my voice when it came to that.  But as I get older I see the benefit of being proud of being a woman.  Proud to be where I am because of women before me.  I get it.  It hasn't been until recently that I began to get it.  What has always been important to me was that I was/am doing things that make me happy.  It is very important to me to do something important.  That is why the Peace Corps interested me.  That is why writing and acting interest me.  I see a benefit from doing these things that affect the world around me.  I can tell you with all honesty that everyone of my Peace Corps teammates wanted to change the world, some how.  We saw that we had the capability to do something bigger than ourselves, that would affect others and ourselves for the rest of our lives.

Acting and writing is also doing something bigger than myself on a more intimate scale.  The two mediums speak to me.  When I see a play or read a book, I personally invest myself in those worlds.  The messages that come through each of those artforms hit me in the gut and affect my heart.  It also gets me thinking.  I can't say that insects, or medicine, or food or any other form of interest gets my juices flowing or communicates to me with such passion as acting and writing.  Each of us has things that speak to us more strongly than others.  I keep feeling a need to do things that out of my comfort zone.  Mostly, that comes from finding a job.  I have been applying for everything and anything.  I am very uncomfortable about it, but I do it.  Sometimes you have to do something that scares you or makes you uncomfortable to find out who you are.  Eleanor Roosevelt has a famous quote where she says, that she does something that scares her each day.  I think that is fantastic!  She had balls.  I find that I respect women who did what they wanted to do, no matter what society said.  Women like Clara Barton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Edith Wharton, Queen Victoria.  They did what they needed to do to feel as if they were the person they were meant to be.  I know lately I have been neglecting my intuitive feelings about things due to my fear of rejection or my insecurities, but not anymore.  My life should be filled with happiness and promise.  I owe that to myself.  So here is to facing my terror and rocking that bikini!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Friday, April 23, 2010

Animal Magnetism

Hi Everyone,

This evening I was watching the World News and they had the story of the German Shepherd who directed the police to his owner's burning garage.  I noticed lately that I cannot get enough of watching videos on amazing animals.  Last week on Yahoo! they had a video of a whale playing with a dog on a fishing boat.  The whale would try and touch noses with the dog as the fishing boat moved through the water.  The whale would also blow water from it's blowhole to spray the dog.  You can see in the video the  dog loves it.  His tail is wagging and he gets agitated when the whale goes below the water.  There is also the videos of the cat and dog getting acquainted with the IPad.  It is humorous to watch the different reactions both animals have.  Then there was the video of the sea lion that wanted to cuddle with a human.  There was also the story of an elephant and a dog who were best friends.  When the dog broke its leg, the elephant would come and visit each day.  The elephant would come to the window where the dog could look out and stand there so that they could be near to each other.   When the dog became better, the elephant was so happy.

These sort of stories make me feel good.  It makes me understand that all living things want to have a connection.  That connection can overcome barriers and notions of what can and cannot be done.  That life can be so simple.  Not full of complications and game playing.  That is what I find in L.A.  It is really hard to get a genuine answer out of people.  I have had people tell me recently that they like that I am so honest and that I don't try and agree with everything they say.  DUH!  Unfortunately, that is the culture here.  There are so many people that want to get ahead by doing as little as possible that they agree with everything you say and have no opinions, but yours, if it is going to get them anywhere.  It is very strange. This is another theme that comes up in my life on a regular basis.  Will I change my values and risk my integrity to get ahead.  I have adamantly fought to keep that part of myself.  I firmly believe in the golden rule, "Treat people as you would like to be treated."  I think a lot of people here in L.A. could learn a lesson or two from these videos of these animals and the way they treat each other.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I'm Full

Hi Everyone,

I had a full out day today.  This afternoon I met up with old friends.  Aida, Anna and I used to work together in NYC at the Heartland Brewery and we met another old co worker Anthony today for lunch while he has a stopover in L.A. before he travels to Manila, Phillipines.  He is currently cast in Legally Blonde over there and won't be back until at least December.  It was so good to see everyone again.  I hadn't seen Anna for a year or so because she moved out to L.A. about a year before I did.  I also hadn't seen Anthony in about 9 months because he took another job and he lived in Jersey at the time.

I also had a commercial audition today.  I felt that it went well.  The casting directors gave me good feedback.  They thought I was funny and were really nice.  Sometimes when I audition the casting directors are all business and they rush you out of the audition.  This audition we actually talked and it was a positive experience.  I hope I get a callback.

Then tonight was the last show of The Seven Deadly Sins.  It was a good run.  The cast I worked with was amazing and I had a great time with them.  We had a lot of  laughs and we covered for each other when needed.  I really liked the people I worked with.  It made the whole experience for me!

Now I am tired in a healthy way.  You know what I am saying.  There is the workout tired, which is healthy tired and there is the mopey tired, which is the unhealthy tired.  My body and my spirit needed this.  It was a productive and fun day.  When I lived in NYC my days would go by and sometimes I would be out of the house at 8am and not get home until midnight just because I was busy, working, hanging out with friends, doing errands.  Today felt like that for me.  It made me feel good.  That is all I can ask for.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I Have a Dream!

Hi Everyone,

Today I took a hike up into the Santa Monica Mountains above Beverly Hills.  There I found a beautiful lake surrounded by woods, trails and a menagerie of wild animals.  The day was overcast and when I arrived in the parking lot of the park, the first drop of rain fell onto my windshield.  I quickly put my hood over my head and began walking.  The lake is surrounded by a one way road that cars slowly roll by as they exit or enter the park depending on what side of the lake you are on.  I was looking through my city walk cards I got from my brother and sister in law and I found this card for Franklin Canyon Park.

As I was walking along the wooded path I was surprised to hear a pig snort from my right.  I had never heard of wild pig or boar in the mountains, but the sound followed me until I came to the next parking lot.  I was also surrounded by the sounds of ducks, birds, and frogs.  The wind was cold and biting today because of the rain, but I needed to be out in the woods today.  The silence was so tranquil and healthy to be walking around in.  I had a lot to think about today.  I was given an opportunity as I mentioned in my old blog, eastcoastgirloutwest.blog.com and I was thinking it over today.  Clarification, I was feeling it over today.  The great thing about opportunities are that they get your blood pumping again.  I needed to feel out what my decision would be so that I make the right choice.  As this time in California has taught me in such a short period of time is, that I am very hopeful for the future, but being hopeful can also be unrealistic.  I keep having the song,  "I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserable in my head.  For those who don't know that song it is about a woman who was hopeful and romantic in her youth, but as time passed life killed the dream she dreamed.  I feel at this moment in time I am on the precipice of falling into either a life full of gratitude in reference to what I have dreamed or a life that is full of regret.

It doesn't help that my family is helping me financially right now.  I feel as if I have let everyone down especially myself.  My intentions were good and noble and positive, but I didn't want to think about the consequences of moving to the other side of the country, because I was sure I would find a job soon after I arrived.  As you know, that has not happened and I am having a hard time even getting an interview.  My mom keeps bringing up looking for a job in a field I am not comfortable in, "You might end up enjoying it." she says.  I get angry when she says things like that.  I know she means well and that she wants the best for me and she sees me struggling, but it doesn't make me feel better.  I have filled out applications and sent resumes and cover letters and salary requirements for positions I would have never applied for.  Plus, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be an actor.  When she says things like that, it makes me think she wants me to give up.  She doesn't understand, that I can't give up.  If I give up what is the point of my life.  I have known I have wanted to be an actor since I was 4 years old.  I don't think anyone else in my family understands what I feel except my Uncle Joe.  I know what I am doing sounds crazy and unconventional and irresponsible.  I live with that everyday.  It isn't easy, but I can't imagine not trying and I am sure as hell not ready to give up yet.  I am positive that I will find a job and I will get an agent and manager and I will have a career as an actor where I can pay my bills and a lot more.

Tomorrow I have an audition for a commercial.  I also am having lunch with three of my acting friends that are working as actors.  And then tomorrow night is the last night of The Seven Deadly Sins!  I have to believe in my dreams.  I have to believe that it means something.  I have to believe I will succeed!

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hello America, Tonight on This Evening's Broadcast...

Hi Everyone,

I didn't get a callback from Universal Studios, poop.  Back to the drawing board.  My aunt called me and told me that AAA is hiring, so I went to my local office and filled out an application.  I am not sure what position they are hiring for, but I don't really care right now either.

I have been battling a frog in my throat for the past few days and I can't tell if it is because I am getting sick or if it is allergies.  I have noticed since moving here, that my allergies are a lot worse.  I sneeze at least 5-6 times a day.  Back east if I sneezed once a week, that was a lot.

I recently applied to volunteer with the Kittie Rescue in Los Angeles.  They are a no kill organization that has volunteers socialize with the cats/kittens so that they can be adopted.  I have orientation on May 1st.  I am really looking forward to it.  Today, I feel like writing as if I am delivering the news.  So I am sorry this post is so dry and unemotional.  As I am writing I am reading what I am writing and realize that I am very guarded today.  I'm not sure why, but maybe after I watch Glee and Lost I will have an emotional door open.

I am writing this post a lot earlier than I normally would, because I had the urge to write.  I can't say that I actually have sat down and thought of what I would write today, so maybe that is why I am getting all Brian Williams on you.  So I will stop for today.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Monday, April 19, 2010

Universal Love

Hi Everyone,

As I mentioned last night I had an open call to go to.  I couldn't remember the project, and then I got an email from one of my co-stars in the play I am in who reminded me that there was an open call for Universal Studio tour guides, today from 2-5.  So I hopped into my car and drove up to Burbank for the open call.  I got there at 1:30PM and the line was already around the corner and down the street of "Citywalk".  Citywalk is the outdoor shopping center filled with restaurants and clubs before you get to the gates of Universal Studios.

I love Universal Studios.  As soon as you get to the vicinity of it, you hear the music that is associated with Universal Studio pictures.  From the gates, I can see the top of the Waterworld show and characters like Woody Woodpecker and Curious George are everywhere to welcome you to the park.  For a person who always was fascinated with the way movies are made, visits to Universal Studios was a must.  I remember at 16 being picked to participate in an Alfred Hitchcock show.  The show explained how Alfred Hitchcock made some of his special effects shots.  I was asked to play a woman who falls from a tower.  I was placed in a chair that was reclined and I had to move my hands and legs as if I was falling from a great height.  The camera was placed close to my face and then moved upward, to give the illusion I was falling.

They called the open call an audition.  I waited on line for an hour and a half before I met with Mike.  Mike asked to see my acting resume, asked me how my career was going and thanked me for my time.  It was exactly like an audition.  You spend all this time waiting and 2-3 minutes talking to the casting director to see if you are the right fit.  Everyone that has made the cut should get a call tomorrow for a call back on Wednesday.  Cross your fingers for me.

On a different note, my old blog has been fixed.  I am not sure I want to go back to it.  I do like the layout better on that site, but it seems I always have monthly issues with the site.  I will give this site a little more time and go from there.

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Sunday, April 18, 2010

My Life is Broadway Tune

Hi Everyone,

This morning I woke up with the song, "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserable in my head.  Throughout the day, I have been humming all sorts of Broadway tunes, such as "Memory" from Cats, "Maybe This Time" from Caberet, "All That Jazz" from Chicago, "I Don't Need Anything But You" from Annie and "Day by Day" from Godspell.

When I was 4 or 5, I was living in Brooklyn and my mom and grandmother brought me to see the Broadway show, Annie.  I remember being mesmerized by the energy that I was getting from the orphans. I remember distinctly thinking, "I can do that! I want to do that!"  It seemed like so much fun.  This past year when I visited my parents in Vegas, we went to see The Jersey Boys.  Thirty years had passed, but I still got the same reaction.  My body got goosebumps and I was inspired to make others feel the same way I did watching the performances.

There are certain things I am positively sure feed my soul.  1.  Live plays and musicals. 2.  Riding a bike along the beach with friends.  3. Traveling to new places. 4. Hearing little children laughing. 5. Watching movies and television programs that inspire me with their performances.  6.  Anytime my parents, brother, sister and I can be in the same room.  Those are just to name a few things.  It is funny to see the list because some of it is so simple and common and other things are more extravagant.

Last year, I was having a hard time coming to grips with the life of an actor.  So for six months I traveled around the U.S. and Ireland.  I did most of it by myself.  I hadn't traveled by myself since I was a child.  It was the first time I would be going to a different country by myself.  I had the feeling I needed to do it, just because.  My visit to Ireland at times was boring and lazy and at other times was exciting and magical.   While I was there, I remember vividly that I hummed the song, "I Have Confidence" from the Sound of Music.  Traveling does that for me, it gives me confidence in my abilities.  Hearing little children laughing lets me know how much love I have for others in my heart.  I realize how lucky I am to have such loyal friends when I am biking along the beach.  Watching movies and television programs that inspire me gives me the hope that I have the ability to succeed way over the limit I thought possible. Being able to understand that when I want to give up on my dream all I have to do is remember how I felt that first time I saw Annie.  My body remembers how alive I felt.   Whenever I am around my family I feel whole.

That I believe is what we are all striving for.  To feel whole.  To adapt and search for what makes us feel whole as a person as time changes.  All of the songs I was humming today had to deal with either coming to grips with the life you have vs. what you dreamed your life would be or no matter what obstacles come my way I will persevere.  All of the songs resonate with me.  They are a mirror into my soul trying to figure out what it is I need to do to make myself feel whole.  What are some of the songs that stick in your head?  Do they resonate with you?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

It's What's on the Inside

Hi Everyone,

Last night, I was watching the movie, Up In the Air.  There was a scene where the protege was talking to her mentor and his lover about her disappointment in her plan.  What was the point in life?  I laughed heartily at this scene, not because it was funny, but because I understood where both women were coming from.

The protege had a plan.  She was to be married by 23, maybe have a kid, definitely have a house and be on the fast track to a successful career.  The protege is 23 and everything she has planned didn't live up to her expectations.  The mentor's lover was able to put it into perspective for her.  As time passes, things change, the plan changes, what you see at 23 isn't what you see at 38.  As you get older, you begin to question if the house, the husband, the kids, the career will make you happy.  You begin to look at things more for the truth than for appearances.

When I was in college, I purposely made the decision to go against the status quo.  Let me backtrack, when I was 20, I was sure I would be married by the time I was 24.  I was sure I'd have kids soon after and that our house would be cute and homey.  I was very rigid in my plan.  I had high expectations of myself and everything that went with it.  I was especially critical of guys.

I dated this guy in college for a bit, who was the total opposite of me, which in the beginning I thought was exciting.  Soon, his lack of motivation, his pot smoking, and my high expectations made the relationship crumble.  Fast forward ten years and I am living in NYC going to school, smoking pot, getting drunk, and doing everything he did, but thinking nothing of it.

In college, I did everything "right".  I did what was expected of me.  It wasn't until I came home from the Peace Corps that I had a breakdown.  As I was boarding the plane to Mali, I envisioned an experience that was unparalleled to anything I could ever imagine.  I was sure I would be a volunteer of "legendary" proportions.  I was anything but.  It took me a while, but after the Peace Corps I realized that living by expectations, either from me or others, wasn't working.  So over time, I began to look within.  To see the true Tara.  I learned that my plan couldn't take shape because I could only  see generalizations.  I didn't know at 23 what house I wanted, what qualities I wanted in a husband, or know what it felt like to love someone unconditionally.

To have a plan, one must always know what they are striving for.  I've worked out some plans, I am still figuring out others.  For instance, my mom keeps asking me, "What do you see yourself doing to pay the bills?"  When I think of it, I can only reply, "Writing."  Ironically, writing and acting are very similar careers.  I know that I love to travel.  I know I love to live among the locals.  I know I love to speak to the locals about where they live.  I know I like to take some of the things I have learned from my travels and write a fictional story.   What I am having a hard time with is, what is the first step?  How do I put it into action?  Any suggestions?

Until tomorrow.  Take care and be safe.

All my love,

Tara

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Blog Part Deux

Hi Everyone,

I started a new blog! I was having a hard time with the server with the other website and wasn't getting the results I wanted so I took matters into my own hands and made it work for me. So I haven't written blog style for three whole days and I was going through withdrawal! So to catch up on some things.

Next week is the last week of The Seven Deadly Sins show! What? That went very quickly and I am so glad that we were able to produce the show for the full 8 weeks. Some weeks were harder than others, but I am glad to say that we accomplished a good run!

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I think, I began watching the miniseries, John Adams. What a fantastic piece of acting, writing, directing, cinematography and everything else that goes into a historical piece. The miniseries definitely captured the humanity of such legendary men as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and of course, John Adams. I was especially fascinated by the accents of each character. I always wondered how the United States ended up having the variation of accents that they do. First, I noticed that a lot of the actors had a mix of an Irish/British accent. As the audience went through John Adams' 90 year life, his accent evolved and so did Thomas Jefferson's. Interestingly enough, both men died on the same day, July 4, 1826, 50 years after they signed the Declaration of Independence. Both of the men were 90. Adams lived in Massachusetts and Jefferson in Virginia. In the last episode of the series, Adams and Jefferson exchanged letters and each actor had hints of an accent that would be associated with each men's region. Considering that at the beginning of the series which took place 50 years before and Jefferson had an Irish accent and Adams had a British accent I was tickled that each of the actors were so willing to get it right, that they took it upon themselves to find out how their accents would have changed.

Today, I went on an open call for the film adaptation of the book Water for Elephants. I stood outside for 3 hours while they took peoples pictures and had us fill out our measurements and contact information. I am not sure why it took so long, because I was in the office for only 3 minutes, tops. Maybe they were out to lunch or something since they started the casting call at noon. But I got it done and I am off to another open call on Monday, but I have to look to see what that is for again, because I can't remember right at this moment.

This morning I took the CBEST test. It is the test in CA for people who want to be substitute teachers. It is a difficult test and I am hoping that I passed it so that I will be eligible to be a substitute for school next year. My aunt let me know that a substitute teacher has the ability to take or not take the job. She has met a lot of actors who do it, so that they have the ability to have an open schedule for auditions and such. Cross your fingers for me.

Until tomorrow. Take care and be safe.

All my love,
Tara